Woman asks if she was wrong to tell BF's friends she earns twice as much as he does.
Is it embarrassing for a man to earn less money than his girlfriend? You'd think in this day and age, that question would no longer need to be asked, but Reddit user u/notAGoldDiggerX has apparently brought shame to her boyfriend for telling his friends she earns double what he makes.
Before her boyfriend's friends knew about her salary, they accused her of being a gold digger, but when she told the truth about her income she 'humiliated' her man. Sounds like she just can't win in this relationship.
Now, she's asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for telling my boyfriend's friends I make twice what he does when they called me a gold digger and he didn't defend me?'
I'm in a relationship with a guy who also works in tech. He makes 68k and I make 130k. I am a mechanical engineer at a robotics startup. He works at a more stable job doing programming at a large company.
He brought me to meet his friends at a party and they asked me about myself. His friends mostly work in tech too and talked about themselves in terms of their jobs.
I told them I'm a hiker, I do archery, I love road trips and camping and riding dirtbikes, etc. Basically talking about my hobbies because work is just a way to get paid to do the shit I love. It's not how I define myself and it doesn't come to mind when someone wants me to tell them about myself.
One of his friends asked about work and I said 'Oh gosh, I don't wanna talk about work at a party! Spent my whole day sweating my ass off in 95-degree heat trying to replace this busted ass motor just to find the replacement part was also fucked.'
I wasn't lying or trying to downplay that I have a good job, that really is how I spent my day, and I wasn't in the mood to talk shop at a party!
Some other conversations came up casually that probably also made me seem poorer like me saying that car dealership repairs were a ripoff, and telling my boyfriend that my childhood neighbor's trailer caught on fire and I was gonna visit and help her out
I wasn't doing it on purpose, I was literally just talking about my life, but I guess I gave the impression I was poorer
It got later in the night, everyone was getting drunker, and some of his friends (not close ones tho) were making jokes about me growing up in a trailer and being a gold digger. And being ready to jump to a richer guy. Really misogynistic shit honestly, since they don't even know me and seemed to just assume all girls are good diggers.
He didn't say anything. He later said it was because he'd smoked weed and gets quiet and has trouble carrying on a quick conversation when he's high. But regardless I felt hurt he didn't say anything.
I got irritated with his friends and asked 'Now why the hell would you say that when I make twice what he does?' His friends went quiet for a second and I continued saying 'There ain't no gold to dig here, not with him or anyone at this party. So do y'all think I'm cheap, or do y'all think I'm stupid?
My boyfriend wanted to leave the party shortly after and he was pretty upset with me for telling everyone I make twice what he does. I said I would have held my tongue if he'd checked his friends himself. But he didn't say anything so I wasn't about to let them talk to me like that.
He said it was humiliating and now everyone thinks I'm a bitch, and I flippantly said 'at least they know I'm a rich bitch'
He was angry I embarrassed him when I spoke up, I was angry I had to say anything at all because his friends were talking shit so it should be on him to check them. Stuff is still tense.
AITA for explaining why I'm not a gold digger?
Cheers to this woman for standing up for herself, having boundaries, and not letting anyone shame her for making good money at her job. You would think in 2022 we would be beyond men feeling threatened by a woman with a high income, but you'd be surprised.
Reddit agrees, this girlfriend is 'Not The Asshole.' They suggest she should dump this fragile man and upgrade to someone who is proud of her, or better yet, she could spend all of that hard-earned money on herself.
NTA. So your boyfriend was too high to say anything to support you but sober enough to complain when you rightly called him and his rude mates out. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Why would it even be humiliating if your girlfriend makes more than you? It just is what it is! This is bullshit on so many levels.. NTA!
Yeah total red flag. My husband is super proud I earn much more than him, people that love you are proud of your achievements not humiliated by them.
His humiliation is only a matter of perspective and it’s taught misogyny (not humiliation, only the truth). OP was being degraded and name called. These men reflect the character of your boyfriend. They don’t respect women as individual human beings.
You nailed itYour boyfriend has just shown you who he really is and who someone has as friends says a lot about who they are.
You didn’t fall in line for their d*ck measuring contest and they made you the butt of the joke. Which your boyfriend was fine with until you made them all look like the assholes they are. OP NTA
NTA, his friends sound like those dudes that whine that they can't get gfs, think they deserve super models, but then are complete misogynists. BF got his ego bruised that you let it be known you our-earn him, he'll get over it or he's stuck in the patriarchal ideal that the man is supposed to be the main breadwinner.
NTA Your boyfriend chooses to hang out with people who are misogynistic and judgemental. He chooses to stay silent when they aim their vitriol at you. And then he chooses to direct his anger and shame at you for refusing to let yourself be treated like trash.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
NTA He got upset you corrected their insults, you weren't bragging.
NTA This is such a perfect example of DARVO, 'deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender'. He's giving you shit, you defend yourself, and YoU are the offender???
NTA, the audacity of your boyfriend to be angry at you but not at his friends for insulting you??? Drop him honestly.