'My BF's parents are demanding to see my bank statements to prove I'm "not hiding anything."' UPDATED

"Me [28 F] with my BF [29 M] of 3 years, his parents want to see my bank statements."

I have been with my BF for 3 years, living together for 2. My BF has always been very close to his family. They live not that far away and he has never lived anywhere but NYC where he was born and raised, therefore always had his parents close by and spends time with them regularly - therefore I didn't see anything odd at first about how close he is to his parents and assumed it was normal.

However, since we moved in together there were red flags regarding his parents. Some examples:

1.) There is a coin-operated laundromat half a block away from our apartment, but he insists on getting his clothes packed, carries it on a 30-minute one way subway ride all the way to his parents' to have it washed. I thought this was weird but hey, his clothes, his time, his subway fare.

2.) He shares a bank account with his parents. His parents pore over his financials regularly and once chewed him out over spending too much money on ordering pizza! I found this kind of odd too but as we keep our finances separate, this didn't affect me so I let this slide.

3.) On a camping trip with his family, a mosquito entered our tent and I tried multiple times to slap it in between my hands. Immediately, his mom and dad barged into our tent, yelling and demanding to know why I was "slapping my BF." I was utterly confused and told them that I was slapping a mosquito, in fact, the mosquito was still buzzing around the tent.

My BF backed me up but his parents thought that he was covering up for me and since then, they have disliked and mistrusted me with things like, when I got a promotion, they called my place of work to see if "I was telling the truth about working there and my promotion." This I found utterly INSANE and embarrassing me at my workplace.

However, my BF stood up for me again and therefore I didn't think it was right to dump him for his parents' insanity. Despite my BF sticking up for me and telling the truth to his parents on both these instances, they continued mistrusting me. I started not wanting to go to many of their family events after these ridiculous episodes, which my BF said he understood and never pressured me into going.

4.) I make more money that my BF, so I asked him if we could move to a better neighborhood and I will pay a bigger portion of the rent to cover this, and he would be paying the same amount he currently pays. He got extremely upset that he couldn't "pull his weight" but I told him that I don't mind paying more so that we can live in a safer area.

I chalked this to how men are shamed in the media if they are seen as not good providers blah blah and assumed he was just insecure about it. However, when he discussed this with his parents, they accused me of hiding a source of income (uh no, I have a regular old boring marketing job) and being involved with unsavory activities or that I am lying about something and hiding things.

I was utterly confused! My BF doesn't believe any of their bullsh!t, and again stood up for me. However, sh!t soon hit the fan. His parents are now demanding to see my bank statements to prove to them that everything is on the up and up. My BF knows that I have nothing to hide, so he said that I should just do it to shut them up so that they'd stop with the drama.

However, I think that this is a huge violation of my privacy. Why should I have to justify myself to them when I have done nothing wrong, and what right do they have to the details of my finances? If I give in, what else will I be expected to do to satisfy their insanity?

At the same time, it's not my BF's fault that he was born into that crazy family, and he has stood up for me every time, and I don't want to break up with him over something that he didn't do. Still, his parents are driving me up the wall and stressing me out! What should I do?

tl;dr: BF's overbearing parents are insisting to see my bank statements because they have paranoid ideas, I am very uncomfortable about it and wondering what to do.

What do you think she should do? This is what top commenters had to say:

Pm_me_some_dessert said:

This isn't going to end until he takes care of things and makes it end. They're his parents and managing their influence on your relationship is his responsibility. You continue firmly saying no to their insane requests while having some conversations with the BF about how HE intends to deal with this.

iownakeytar said:

He's almost 30 years old!? He needs to detach himself from his parents ASAP, starting with the bank account situation. He can walk into pretty much any bank at any time and open a free checking account in his own name. That's just ridiculous. And yes, them asking for your bank statements is a total invasion of privacy.

If he can't tell them they've gone too far at this point, you have a serious problem on your hands. I'm not saying he needs to completely cut contact, but he needs to tell them off -- he's an adult, you are an adult, and your financial situation is absolutely none of their business. If he thinks showing them your bank statements is going to make this kind of drama end, then he might be just as delusional as they are.

And Hooty__McBoob said:

OP, print this thread. Then put it in an envelope, label it "Bank Statements" and give it to his parents.

Two days later, she shared this update:

I read all the replies and I had a long talk with my BF about boundaries. He listened, agreed with me, and decided to talk to his parents. I was hopeful and glad that he was going to do something about this, but things soon got much worse.

He returned home a few hours later with his parents! Silly me, I was assuming that they were here to apologize or at the very least have an adult conversation about everything that has been going on.

1.) They accused me of trying to keep him away from them and isolate him in order to abuse and control him. I told them that I was not, and never said that he shouldn't interact with them. All I wanted was for them to respect MY boundaries and stop making unreasonable demands.

They said that this is what all abusers do, and that I am showing my true colors. The messed up part is that my BF was visibly affected by all this to the point of starting to agree with them!

2.) They kept insisting that I was acting guilty, and that only guilty people have something to hide, and the fact that I'm refusing to show them my bank statements prove that their suspicions are correct. I told them that it is NONE of their business, and if my BF trusts me, what right do they have to interfere with my business?

At that point his dad got in my face and screamed at me about being a horrible person who abuses their son.

3.) They brought up a music festival I had attended last year with mutual friends of BF and I from college. They accused me of spending that weekend away prostituting myself instead of going to the festival, and when I countered with the fact that there was an entire album full of photos on my FB, they then changed their accusation to suspecting that I was dealing drugs!

This was shocking to me as I have never dealt drugs in my life, and neither my BF, his parents, or anyone else has ever accused me of dealing drugs. I pointed out that their accusations keep changing the moment the first one is proven wrong, and how exactly am I supposed to prove a negative like that?

Even if I gave them my bank statements, they would accuse me of having a different account, or of hiding cash, who knows what else? I told them that it is clear that it isn't going to stop, and therefore they should just stop bothering me with their insane theories and leave me alone.

I guess this was my fault for going to the festival without my BF, but I had asked him to go along repeatedly but he kept saying that he doesn't like large crowds, which I have known about him from the start. I didn't think that there was an issue since I was camping with girls and my BF also knew these people from college.

4.) My BF then said that it could be a possibility that I was actually dealing drugs, that my refusal and anger at his parents' requests is making him no longer trust me and that he is starting to think "where there is smoke there is fire." WHAT. THE. HELL.

I told him that he had never once accused me of prostitution or drug dealing before and these insane accusations only started once his parents put the idea into his head!

If he was uncomfortable with me going to the festival, he could have spoken up before I bought the ticket, before I actually left, and if he was uncomfortable he could also have brought it up in the YEAR since then and now, but he didn't, and only started getting uncomfortable once his parents planted these ideas into his head.

5.) I told them that I don't understand where these suspicions are coming from. I make a normal amount of money for someone in my position, I live below my means, I don't make any extravagant purchases, so why exactly do they accuse me of hiding so much money? What money?

They then said that I am "deflecting" in order to not have to answer their accusations, that I had manipulated my BF into sticking up for me, and that the camping trip showed them how much I was abusing my BF, that their poor son has been so abused that he would deny that I was slapping him.

My BF said that since this conflict doesn't seem to be getting resolved, and since they are his parents after all and that he can't be with someone that refuses to get along with his parents, we are breaking up. Seriously. Those were his words. I am apparently the bad one in everything here and his delusional evil parents are not at fault. His parents helped him pack up and he went home with them.

His parents then said that they are going to call the cops on me for domestic violence and drug dealing. I am innocent, but I don't know what is going to happen now, if their insane calls to the cops are going to jeopardize my job in some way. I am so scared of these insane people and what they may end up doing. :(

tl;dr: They are all batsh!t insane and are seriously in need of psychiatric help.