Everyone wants to know the secret to a good marriage. How do you keep things spicy? How do you stay invested after your kids grow up? How do you keep the romance alive? Well, I have no idea, but a bunch of men shared their secrets to a healthy marriage on a popular Reddit thread in the AskMen Subreddit.
1. Altruistic-Bass-4998 says:
Show your partner they matter.
Every day if possible.
2. ConThePaladin says:
You need to believe in your partner. They are human, just like you, and should love you for the good and bad that makes you up. You want someone to be in the trenches with when everything feels like it's falling apart
3. talesFromBo0bValley says:
Create your own spaces. It's perfectly fine to have your own hobbies, don't need to drag your SO to forcefully participate in activities.
smokinbbq provides a helpful example:
My wife watches football on Sunday after the chores are done, and I play video games for a few hours. If I want to play video games during the week, she'll watch a few episodes of Ru-Paul or Masked Singer. Other than that, we're pretty inseparable, because we love spending our time together.
4. NetLegends says:
If something's wrong, tell your partner, and assure them that they can do the same. It sounds simple, but so many people keep things trapped inside, and it ruins marriages.
5. hippopotameaffame says:
Always have her back in public, save the disagreements for when you get home.
recursive_thought adds their thoughts about the performing arts:
This is really valuable. You should present a unified front in public because you both get to look good. The details and tweaks can be done behind the scenes. A great marriage is a performance - but the practice happens at home.
6. gvsteve says:
No one wants to speak this answer because it is useless to help anyone improve their marriage. But the most important factor in a good marriage is choosing the right spouse in the first place. Someone who shares your values, who matches your level of (for lack of a better word) selflessness or selfishness, and who is going to grow in the same direction that you do over many years.
7. A_Man_Who_Writes says:
Don’t complain about or make fun of your spouse behind their back. When talking to coworkers, friends, family, etc., always speak highly about them and give them the respect and admiration you’d want in return.
If someone talks cr*p about their spouse, even a little bit, it's a red flag that they won't make it. I've seen it time and time again. That said, who knows if it's causation or correlation?
8. HowtoCrackanegg says:
Always buy vanilla essence and not imitation vanilla.
9. APII96 says:
Don’t stop being a couple. Be friends, have inside jokes, don’t lose your own friends, have dates, have sex in risky places and be bold. Have fun until you die together. Marriage isn’t the end of your boyfriend and girlfriend phase.
When you have young kids, even the bedroom is a risky place.
10. Open_Minded_Anonym says:
It’s never you against her. Always you and her against the problem/world.
11. FHubris says:
I have learned not to default into “problem-solving mode” whenever she wants to discuss an issue. I now ask if she wants me to listen or problem-solve, which has helped avoid further frustrating her and improved our communication.
12. MaterialCarrot says:
The marriage comes first. Before friends, career, family, even your kids. The best support you can give your kids is them living with two parents who love and appreciate each other.
My ex put her career first. She was surprised when I told her I felt lonely “but we sleep in the same bed every night”. Yeah but we don’t talk!
13. entropy1776 says:
If you’re intrigued by someone else, stay the eff away.
Reiher adds some science to this:
I have heard that this is backed by some evidence…per a psychologist friend, infidelity seems to take place because of opportunity, not because of attraction only. In other words, workplace crushes are normal, but during a conference at evening drinks, bad decisions are made, and not on regular days.