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'AITA for being mad at my wife for causing a scene when I secretly invited her mom to dinner?'

'AITA for being mad at my wife for causing a scene when I secretly invited her mom to dinner?'

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"AITA For being mad at my wife for causing a scene at the restaurant?"

This is the original post:

My (23M) wife has long lasting issues with her mother. She hasn't spoken to her in 6 years. To be frank I've never understood why my wife doesn't want her mother around. All I know is their relationship went south after my FIL divorced my MIL. It was a decision they both made so I don't get why she keeps punishing her mother like that. I Was open to have meetings with my MIL.

I have been in contact with her for a year and my wife knew. She said It's up to me to want to have a relationship with her mom but I shouldn't try to make her re-establish a relationship with her. Things remained the same for months. My MIL would see my wife few times a week but they don't talk.

and I just thought that my wife and MIL were stuck in this conflict and needed one meeting to at least open up to tackle this issue. Especially before our son is born. I arranged for dinner at a restaurant on mother's day. My wife thought it was just 2 of us but I kept giving her hints about the person I was expecting.

My MIL arrived and next thing I knew my wife got up from her seat and started yelling infront of everybody. I told her that her mom tried many times to reconcile but she was being unfair with her grudge holding attitude and not giving her a chance for a sincere talk. All I ask for was to sit down and talk things out with her mom.

She said she didn't want to see her especially on this day and thought I was doing this for her as a mom. And I was!. I begged her to sit and I'd get her mom to leave if she was bothered that much but she didn't listen, my MIL was standing behind crying while everyone was looking. My wife took her phone and purse then left.

I had mixed feelings but I felt mostly upset things played out different than what I had in mind since my wife no problem with her mom speaking to me. My wife has been staying with a friend for a week I visited her twice to talk and every time we ended up arguing.

I told her she didn't need to cause a scene at the restaurant and could've been a little bit graceful to sit with her mom at the table to talk but she said I needed to blame myself. I asked her didn't mother's day mean anything to her? All I got was a cold stare. Growing up without my mother made my life incomplete. I never had any mother figures in my life and it's because of my father.

I just think everyone should count her their blessing and she should realize it's never too late to fix the problem between her and her mom if she chooses to see how lucky she was to still have her mom alive. But she kept blaming me for the scene at the restaurant and said she won't forget that day and flatout told me "You know what's the worst thing about betrayal, it never comes from an enemy."

This complicated the matter more. I thought about what went wrong and it's clear my wife isn't willing to even try.

What do you think? Commenters agreed he's the AH, and they did NOT hold back. Here are some of the top comments:

blueontheledge said:

YTA. Respect her boundaries. Surprising her with a boundary violation on Mother’s Day is gross. Your own issues with your own mother have nothing to do with your wife’s relationship with hers.

StarshineSoul said:

YTA. Not all mothers are kind and good. Some are incredibly toxic people who can be cruel, vindictive, and unrelenting. Your wife does not owe it to you or her mother to have a relationship. Back off. Also, dont be surprised if divorce papers follow this event. I know Id leave anyone who pulled this in regards to the parent I am no contact with.

superjudy1 said:

"Gowing up without my mother It made my life incomplete." Way to make your wife's relationship with her mother about you. YTA.

[deleted] said:

You are so beyond being TA that there isn’t even a word to describe it. You’ll be lucky if this hasn’t ended your marriage. If my husband pulled this on me with my father I’d immediately leave him, no questions asked, and we’ve been married more than 30 years.

You need to deal with your own unresolved mommy issues. You are SO much the asshole. Honestly, you’ll be lucky if this doesn’t make your wife hate you.

redditor191389 said:

YTA. "She said it’s up to me to want to have a relationship with her mum but I shouldn’t try to make her re-establish a relationship with her." Please, explain to me how you got ‘let’s ambush her on Mother’s Day into public reconciliation’ from that?

MrsBarneyFife said:

YTA - Omg, you seriously blindsided your pregnant wife with her mother who she has no relationship on Mother's Day? That is just wrong on SO many levels! By your own admission you don't even know what this estrangement is about! So why do you think your wife needs to forgive your MIL?

"She said It's up to me to want to have a relationship with her mom but I shouldn't try to make her re-establish a relationship with her" Your wife told you NOT to try and a force a relationship but you had NO respect for her boundaries!

"She said she didn't want to see her especially on this day and thought I was doing this for her as a mom. And I was!" So you fully admit you have no respect for your wife's feelings. You're basically a double agent working for your MIL. And what gives you the right to do that?

You showed a complete and total disrespect for your wife's wishes, you plowed all over her boundaries and most importantly you picked your MIL and her feelings OVER your wife's!! How do you expect your wife to trust you going forward in your marriage?

He later shared this minor update in the comments:

You're right this has nothing to do what with me. I did not expect this reaction from my wife. It might be justified but I just don't get why she's so insisting on never giving her mom a chance to sit down for an honest conversation to try to get to the root of their problems.

I've talked to my MIL and she expressed her desire to reconsile and I saw it was on fair to let a conflict prevent them from restablishing a relationship based on respect and understanding.

Sources: Reddit
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