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'AITA for not inviting my wife to a friend's party because I didn't want to babysit her?'

'AITA for not inviting my wife to a friend's party because I didn't want to babysit her?'


I (37M) started a new job a little over a year ago. My best friend at work, I'll call him Rick is throwing a birthday party tomorrow. My wife (33F) thought it was a work function (as my work does frequently have work functions) until tonight.

She realised it was Rick's birthday party and it wasn't one of those sit down dinners but rather a bar party where there is usually an open invitation to partners. She asked me why I didn't invite her along. I was honest and told her it's because I wanted to have fun and didn't want to have to babysit her.

She is outgoing and can converse easily with new people that she meets but she wouldn't know anyone at the party as she hasn't met any of my colleagues before. This would mean that I would feel like I have to accompany her or check in on her frequently. I can't just relax and enjoy the party.

She called me an a-hole because she said I made her feel like a burden. She's hurt that I wouldn't want to bring her to introduce her to my "work best friend" and colleagues. And she also feels like because she's a SAHM to 2 young kids (2 and 1 yo) she doesn't get to go out much and would've liked to be invited out.

I told her that I'd be happy to introduce her to my colleagues but I offered to organise a dinner to do so but I just want to enjoy myself and have fun at this party - and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. She's currently being cold and not talking to me. So AITA?

ETA: I forgot to add in a relevant detail. My wife is charming and can converse with strangers easily, BUT she does have some social anxiety. So she likes it when I check in on her or stay close by when we are in a larger group. This is why I feel like I would have to babysit her and I just want to have fun and not think about these things.

Update: I am not cheating, there is no one else. I just want to enjoy some time out with my friends without having to worry about her. Because she doesn't know anyone else at the party she'll probably stick around me the whole time. What if I want to play pool with my friends or get sucked into a conversation with another friend.

There are times when I stay home while she goes out too. I still don't think it's bad to want to enjoy a party on my own. I also didn't lie about it being a work event. She misunderstood and didn't read my message properly. Anyway I told her she could come if she wanted to and she said no thanks. So that's that.

Here are some of the top comments:

nikokazini said:

YTA. Introducing your outgoing wife to your colleagues will impede your fun as you will feel like a babysitter. Are you serious? ETA: instead she gets to stay home with your young kids while you focus completely on having fun. AH

[deleted] said:

YTA. Dude, why the hell are you married if you don't want to treat your wife like. . .your wife? If you think that having her with you at a party makes it "less fun?" Tbh, kinda sounds like you want to be free to flirt with other women.

Also, by "she thought it was a work function", you mean you either directly lied or implied it was a work function to avoid inviting her, right?

Ambitious_Client6545 said:

Um, yeah. YTA. When you said babysit in your title I thought maybe she had a sort of problem at parties where she got out of hand, but really you just don't want to have to take the time take her feel included? It's a bar.

I'm sure she's been to one before and had to meet new people and make friends. She spends all day at home and wants to learn about your world for a little bit and you told her you can't be assed to make sure she has a good time doing it. Huge asshole move.

Great_Clue_7064 said:

YTA and also, who is the woman you're hoping to flirt with at this party? I hope she's worth the alimony, bro.

NoxWild said:

YTA, so much. You just don't want her there. You're making up a scenario where you'll be burdened by tending to her needs and unable to enjoy yourself. It's weird that you think her presence means you won't be able to have fun and enjoy yourself.

What are you planning to do? An impromptu strip-tease? Make out in the corner with Jane from Accounting?

mzpljc said:

YTA. Wow. Holy shit. Why are you even married?

Verdict: A-hole. Do you agree?

Sources: Reddit
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