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'AITA for telling my wife she's an idiot? I meant it as a joke.'

'AITA for telling my wife she's an idiot? I meant it as a joke.'

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'AITA for telling my wife she's an idiot?'

I [43M] am a stay at home dad. My wife [36F] is a museum curator and archivist. We have two girls, both 15. They are near identical if you aren't very familiar with them.

Okay so our one daughter, Eve, is dating a boy, Joseph, in her physics class. Our other daughter, Mary, also has a crush on Joseph. He's a good kid. Recently, Joseph has spent alot of time over at our place due to his home situation and we've practically converted our guest room into his room at this point.

He helps out every now and then and I try to be more familial with him without pushing boundaries.

Eve is out of town for a cheer thing with a team she coaches. Joseph comes over and we go work on my bike. I take a break to get water, Mary decides to go talk with Joseph who then decides to leave before I get back.

I ask Mary where he went and she says he just decided to go home. I text him just to make sure he's okay and he tells me he no longer wants to be around Mary because she keeps talking down about her sister and how she doesn't deserve him.

I sit Mary down and explain why she can't try to sabotage her sister's relationship and the whole 'high school relationships likely don't last anyways' so to just let her sister enjoy the time she and her bf spend together and that she's actually only hurting herself in the long run.

She complains to my wife that I told her she'd never be happy and that Eve was the only daughter I cared about. Wife gets mad at me, I explain what really happened, wife asks why Mary would do that and I tell her she's a bit of an idiot if she didn't see that Mary and Eve were essentially fighting over this boy.

Wife's now upset that I called her an idiot. AITA? Either way, I'm apologising to my wife. I meant it more as a joke.

Comments and responses from OP:

oldcousingreg writes:

YTA. How could your wife have known what was happening? Mary was trying to manipulate her. You had good intentions, but calling your wife an idiot was way out of line. Explain the joke.

RectalThrowawayAcc OP responded:

You've never playfully called friends/loved ones an idiot?

But also, she's our children's mother and should have known. It's rather obvious and if you're assuming she and I don't talk you'd be wrong. The topic of 'Mary has a crush on Eve's boyfriend' has come up on multiple occasions.

LetsGetsThisPartyOn writes:

YTA for telling Mary her sister will break up and to wait. Get Mary help now to create her own identity

N T A. You didn’t call your wife an idiot! You said “you’re a bit of an idiot IF YOU CANT SEE MARY IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE HER SISTER.” Mary needs to learn that No means no. Also your comment that she should wait until they break up is kind of OFF.

Mary needs to stop wanting what her sister has and get her own boyfriend. Joseph is off limits forever. Poor Joseph. He isn’t a hunk of meat. Mary needs to sort out her jealousy and issues and lying and insecurity complex

Get Mary into therapy now before she becomes a bitter adult who is trying to steal her sisters toys. As she will always be her sisters sloppy second the way she is acting.

RectalThrowawayAcc OP responded:

I never said to wait until they break up. Only that high school relationships rarely last long term. Which is true.

Here's how people judged OP:

curly_lox writes:

You were not the a**hole until you called your wife an idiot. And for that alone, YTA.

Cautious_Tale_4388 writes:

I'm going with NTA. OP seems clued up and he didn't directly call his wife and idiot. It was more of an off the cuff remark saying 'you're a bit of an idiot of if you can't see that blah blah blah'. Ideally he should have chosen his words better bit it doesn't make him an AH.

Corax42017 writes:

Totally agree I would tell my husband he’s an idiot or dumba** if he can’t see what teens do so NTA

citizenecodrive31 writes:

Its really common usage and it carries no heat or malice.

Obi-Juan_Valdez writes:

People are too damned literal. It's obvious that you didn't actually mean that your wife is an idiot. It's called hyperbole, people. NTA

Matyz_CZ writes:

Huuuge red flag. Abusive husband. Calling her idiot today, beating her tomorrow. They should divorce right away. For real, people who need aita opinions are one thing but redditors answering are one hell of an antisocial bunch

Sources: Reddit
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