'AITA for telling my husband I DON’T want dinner on the table as soon as I walk in?'
Syncing up eating patterns with a partner is both one of the simplest and most complex parts of a relationship.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her husband she doesn't want to eat dinner the moment she gets home. She wrote:
"AITA for telling my husband I DON’T want dinner on the table as soon as I walk in?"
Listen, I know this may sound crazy and I should be so entirely grateful that he even cooks. But he’s gone so far as to make my plate and have it on the table when I walk in the door. I work 10 hour days, bring my lunch and pack snacks so I have healthy options AND save money. I have a 45 minute commute and work in a professional setting: I wear heels, a blazer most days and dress nicely.
I’d like to come home, use the bathroom (bc the long drive) and change/decompress before we sit down as a family. He finds that it’s rude to not sit at the table immediately and eat-blaming that the kids are hungry. I’ve told him that I’d like to wait a little after getting home and then we could sit and eat as a family, that part is important to us both.
Also, if he has dinner on the table at x time and say traffic, stopping for gas or anything delays me, he gets mad and makes it seem like I inconvenienced the entire family. So, after telling him I don’t like the food on the table immediately, he blew up and said he just won’t cook anymore.
That wasn’t what I was saying as I AM grateful he cooks and all, but is it too much to ask that we wait 30 minutes or so AFTER I’m home to sit and eat?
Redditors had a lot of comments and questions about the situation.
Conscious_Menu_1873 wrote:
I feel you. My husband works morning shift and I work 2nd shift. I get home close to 7ish. I hate him serving my plate and handing it to me It causes extra stress on me. Because when I walk in I immediately have the cat meowing at me, needing to get her treats ( I'm the only one to give them to her as it's been our routine since 3 yrs before I meet my husband).
Then like you I want to get out of my work clothes. Use the bathroom. He's talking to me. I get overwhelmed easily so if he's handing me my plate also I'm ready to scream. As I'm telling the cat to hold on. But if I come home and he's still cooking I have time to get all done and sit down for a few and we eat. I'm more than happy to get the table ready and it makes our night better.
I agree with the ones who said push it 15 minutes to like 5:30 it will help everyone. Kids can still eat at a good time and you can get out of your work clothes and use the bathroom. Tell your husband that after dinner you need like a 15-30 minutes to decompress after dinner.
And OP responded:
The overwhelmed thing is 100% true! When I walk in, I have my lunch bag, work bag, laptop and the mail in my hands. I want to put it down but by then the dogs are surrounding me, happy I’m home. Then everyone is staring waiting for me to sit. It’s very much like chaos erupts when I arrive.
dryadduinath wrote:
INFO: When do you get home, and how old are the kids?
ETA: NTA.
And OP responded:
Around 5:15. Kids are 13 and 3.
MelissaIsBBQing wrote:
Is 5:30 not a reasonable compromise here? You had alone time in the car. Change. Use the bathroom. Eat. Let him wrap up dinner.
And OP responded:
5:30 is reasonable. I will definitely suggest it when we both chill and can talk about it.
adventuresofViolet wrote:
I think it's, plan dinner time based on what time the kid's bedtimes are so they're not eating too close to when they go down for the night. Without that info I can't judge.
OP responded:
Kids go to bed around 9.
Many_Product6732 asked a clarifying question:
The 3-year-old too?
And OP responded:
Typically. He’s neurodivergent and this bedtime schedule works best with the medications he takes.
dishonestgandalf wrote:
Champagne problems, amirite? Anyway, if you get home at a time when the kids are already hungry and you want to eat together as a family, I don't see too many options here.
E S H, because it sounds like he's sometimes blaming you for things that are out of your control (as long as you text when you're going to be delayed for a legitimate reason, he shouldn't be upset with you over that) – but yeah, if your kids are hungry and the food is ready, 30m is a kind of unreasonable ask.
EDIT: Saw that you get home around 5:15. Switching to NTA because that's f#$king bonkers, just set the expectation of dinner at 6, what's your husband's problem?
OP responded:
Champagne problems. Thats brutally honest. Lol.
Luckily, this seems like a fairly solvable issue.