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Man returns from long workday; asks sleeping wife why she didn't set aside dinner. AITA?

Man returns from long workday; asks sleeping wife why she didn't set aside dinner. AITA?


Dividing up household tasks as a married couple is both one of the most basic and complicated parts of being married. Dishes and meal prep might not seem loaded (pun intended), but these daily tasks can create a well of resentment if not handled properly.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for wanting his wife to make him dinner since he works long hours.

He wrote:

AITA for wanting my wife to make my dinner?

Me (M25) and my wife of over a year (F26) (together for over 4) have always had a good relationship with each other. It has felt very love filled. We recently got into an apartment, one bedroom like 700 square ft so not huge. Once this happened I feel like things may have shifted.

I work very long hours throughout the week with sometimes only one or maybe zero days off in the week, average of 75-80 hours a week. I bring home a majority of the money, (my paychecks are almost over 80% our whole income) not that it affects how I think of her and our relationship.

She is able to provide things like fun groceries (snacks/sweets) and when we go out she can pay for things like the tip or drinks and I really appreciate that and tell her thank you when she can swing it. She also does most of the chores in the small apt. Other than that I'm the person paying for our life.

(Groceries/toiletries/outings/clothes/makeup and not to mention rent and all other real bills). She works in a VERY different field and works 3 sometimes if her job requires, 4 days a week. She is working toward her career and I'm proud of her for this. Most days she'll work an average of 6 maybe 7 hours on her work days. This is where the problem has started.

A lot of my work nights are late, 12 or 1 am when I get home. I'll pack snacks but never get to eat. So a lot of days I come home hungry for an actual meal. Recently those nights have been more frequent and i just don't want to have to cook something for myself after a 13-hour day after doing the same all week. I just want to be able to eat with the minimal amount of work when I get home.

The other night I came home around 1:30AM and found my wife passed out on the couch with an empty personal pizza from Little Caesars. I got excited thinking that I had a cold one in the fridge waiting for me....wrong. annoyed but not upset, I microwave some Chef Boyardee, scarf it down and call it a night.

The next day I have the same kind of night, around 1:30 I get home. There she is passed out, now with a bowl of macaroni and weenies (one of my favorites) and again. Nothing in the fridge for me. Not understanding why she couldn't just make enough for the both of us and put my bowl in the fridge, wake her up to ask.

She gets a little snappy if someone wakes her up but this time she was pissed. Saying that she is NOT my maid and I'm being lazy trying to make her cook for me. I tell her I'm just hungry after a long day and it upset me seeing she cooked for herself and didn't think about me at all. I said she was being inconsiderate and that really set her off.

Saying if I want a slave then she's not it. I told her I don't want a slave, I want a wife who seems to care about me. She looked at me with a shocked face and stormed out. Her mother texted saying she showed up at their house balling and HOW I should be more considerate to her feelings. I haven't even responded because I just feel hurt and not cared for. I just wanted dinner. AITA?

Edit: I really should have mentioned this is a conversation we have had before and I feel ignored since she barely acknowledges when I've brought it up. These last two times are after multiple 'conversations.' Also definitely didn't want to seem like she shouldn't be sleeping at 1.

Passed out is just terminology I use. If I'm dead asleep at 4 am I'm passed out. I appreciate the other things she does for me like cleaning but the other 8 hours of free time in her day I wanted to be thought of since I would do the same for her no questions.

Commenters quickly weighed in with their thoughts on the situation.

JustHavingFun045 wrote:

NTA. Wow this comment section is shocking to me. I really empathize with you, I'm sure you're exhausted by the time you are done. It's wildly unreasonable to think you are an a**hole if your standards are just a frozen pizza too. This is sad.

pineboxwaiting wrote:

NTA. You’re not asking her to have a hot meal on the table when you come home at night. You’re asking that when she makes supper, she make enough for two. I’m hoping that her out-sized & irrational response happened because you woke her up & were probably a bit irritated in your presentation.

I’m guessing crying to her mom was a lot about her personal feelings of guilt realizing that she’s been a thoughtless, inconsiderate a**. I’m hoping things are better for both of you tomorrow.

Prestigious_Cod_8173 wrote:

NTA, and I do not care how much this gets down voted. Wow, are any of you married? It seems like just common curiosity to save a little something for the person busting their butt to provide everything. OP, maybe treat yourself to take out and label it so that she can't have any to match that energy.

Maybe then she'll see how ridiculous she is being. She seriously couldn't just order a 2nd pizza?!??

PresentExamination10 wrote:

NTA. Ordering a personal pizza and eating all of knowing your spouse is at work all night is insane. Literally what.

hellyeahletsgo2344 wrote:

Massive NTA. Is everyone missing the fact that she is making her own dinner with absolutely no thought to her husband and life partner who’s working ridiculous hours and earning majority of their income? She can easily make two servings of whatever she is making or get two pizzas. That’s absolutely the bare minimum.

Clearly, OP is NTA, but his wife would do well to think of him a bit more when she's navigating meal time.

Sources: Reddit
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