Bride who had nose job doesn't want to be in wedding photos; is called 'selfish.'
AITA for saying I don't want to be in pictures at my wedding (as the bride)?
My fiancé's family never held back on jabs about my nose. My fiancé said he knew they really loved me the moment they started with the jokes, they're the kind of family that loves to make fun of each other.
My grandparents used to make comments about my nose that were kind of shitty, especially because I got it from my dad (although I've never known him). In general I've tried to not be sensitive about it because they don't like sensitive people, although my history with it and knowing my nose came from my dad who I don't know made it a bit harder for me.
My fiancé made this comment once which was supposed to be joking/sweet where he basically said he was so lucky for my nose because it was the only way he had a chance with me. That comment stayed in my head since, the idea that I'd actually be beautiful if it wasn't for my nose.
I've had really bad self-esteem and would go in and out of believing I'm ugly. I started thinking about having a nose job. After we got engaged, I realized if I was going to do it, I should do it before the wedding.
He was really supportive of the idea and excited for it. He made some comments about being glad I was losing 'the beak,' something he'd never expressed before I suggested it, which confirmed to me that I needed it.
My fiancé loves my new nose. I hate it so much. I feel like I'm staring at someone else's face, I look like any other woman in the world besides myself. I've always struggled with depression, and I was finally in a good place before this. Now I can barely get myself to leave my room for work.
My fiancé is really frustrated with me, he thinks I 'objectively' look better and I need to get used to it. I know I'll have to but I've been wearing a medical mask in the house because I can't stand to look at my face.
He says this is me sulking like a toddler, but I can't control how I feel. He asked what I was going to do for our wedding and I told him that I don't want to be in any pictures. He freaked out saying my selfishness was going to get in the way of us having a happy wedding.
I didn't want to let this hurt him, so I tried to come up with options like wearing my veil covering my face in the pictures, incorporating a scarf into the outfit, wearing my mask, etc., and he said if I do any of that we might as well not get married at all. That hurt a lot.
I can't stand to see myself in pictures like this and having everybody see my nose the whole day would make this even worse for me...I'm already going to be blaming myself for the fact that I won't have MY nose in pictures. I feel like I'm ruining the day for him but what he wants will ruin it for me. AITA?
Comments:
Anakerie says:
NTA. I have a rather large mole on my upper lip. My step-mother called it my 'Hattie the Witch' mole. People have told me repeatedly to get it removed. But I refuse. It's part of who I am. I'd feel like someone else without it. Your fiancé is a tool.
ThrowRA_nopicspls OP responded:
I think you're making a really good choice, and I admire your confidence a lot...I wish I could have been more confident in myself before I completely screwed myself over. I know we don't know each other but I'm proud you're keeping your mole.
My fiancé isn't a bad guy, but I feel like he let 'the mask' slip as soon as I told him I was considering surgery.
On one hand, it's kind of nice because he kept whatever opinions he had about my nose to himself for the most part and waited until he felt it was appropriate to say something...on the other hand I hate thinking he felt like that about a part of myself he's had to look at every day and he never told me. I feel like I trust him less.
Honey, no. There was nothing wrong with your nose. However, there is something wrong with the man who is supposed to be the love of your life insulting— and allowing his family to insult — the literal face you were born with.
Zoenne says:
Also consider this: how would you feel OP if you have children and they inherit your / your father's nose? How do you think your partner and your (edit: his) family will treat those children?
TatterdemalionElect says:
NTA at all, but your fiance is.
His comment about 'the beak' was stone cold cruel. His remark about your nose being the only way he'd have a chance with you is telling. He is superficial and shallow and inconsiderate, and I really hope you realize you deserve much better before the wedding rolls around.
ThrowRA_nopicspls OP says:
Sorry I haven't responded to a lot of specific people, it's a little bit overwhelming, but I'm reading everyone's comments. Thank you so much to everyone who's given a judgement and advice...everyone has been so kind to me at my lowest right now. I really need to get back into therapy.
Everybody is suggesting we should postpone the wedding, and I think that makes a lot of sense. I don't know how my fiancé is going to feel about that. I love him but a lot of these comments are making me think more deeply into how he treats me. He's this very sweet guy normally. Introverted, very smart, always there when I need him, etc...but he's not being that guy right now.