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Bride asks if she's wrong to not let anxious mom bring a toxic plus one.

Bride asks if she's wrong to not let anxious mom bring a toxic plus one.


Planning a wedding is hard, especially if your parent isn't helping. When this bride feels conflicted about her mom, she takes to the popular Reddit forum to ask:

'AITA for telling my mom I don't care about her anxiety, she can't invite her friends to our wedding?'

I'm currently planning a wedding with my fiancee, and it is about 80% her family and friends, and then 20% my friends. I literally have no family, so my mom isn't going to know anyone. This wasn't supposed to be an issue, but about 9 months ago we got into a fight with my mother's husband and he went ballistic.

He called me a bunch of names, called my fiancee a stupid little girl, banned us from his house, and refused to continue paying for my education, though he had told me since I was a kid that I didn't have to worry about college. Needless to say he isn't invited.

My mom said that she wasn't going to get involved in the fight, and while she believes he is in the right, she would not be cutting contact or anything. The issue is she now thinks she should get a plus one to our wedding as she won't have anyone to talk to.

Normally we would be ok with that, but her friends are the mean girl type, and my fiancee has told me she will feel judged. My mom said her friends would never behave badly at our wedding, but even she admitted they do think they are better than everyone.

I said it was going to be left up to my fiancee, who feels she will be stressed knowing they look down on her. My mom began crying and talking about how stressed she was going to be. I know most people would just find someone to talk to, but my mom does not talk to people like that.

She just won't. Honestly sometimes getting her to talk to me is an issue, especially without my stepdad around, as she is automatically in a bad mood without him. I said none of this is our problem, I don't even care at this point, and she can't bring anyone.

I feel kind of bad, because now she might not be coming, and apparently she was having bad anxiety when she got home. AITA?

Let's see what Reddit had to say.

anstst writes:

NTA.Your mother is a grown woman and she has decided to surround herself with people who cannot behave well enough in public to be trusted at your wedding. This is on her.

Who doesn't trot out the 'anxiety' excuse these days. It's a rare post here where someone has been an AH and hasn't made sure to start by listing their mental health excuses.

The bottom line is that your mother is mature. At this point, she should be capable of handling her issues for the duration of your wedding.

She should be able to see her doctor and discuss medication or pull herself together so that she is there for you. She should be capable of making small talk or even being alone and bored out of her mind for a few hours. It's your wedding.

mpk29 writes:

YTA, it’s your mom. YOUR MOM. Who isn’t asking to invite a bunch of people you don’t know, but a single +1 to replace her husband who you’ve managed to estrange. Stand up to your fiancé, and let your mom know you expect her friends to be on their best behavior.

nonorganic writes:

YTA. This gives me you’re denying her an invite to passive aggressively punish her. You have resentment against your mother, and part of that resentment is simply based on her personality, you wish she would be a different person.

Well she’s not, and forcing an antisocial person into a social environment w/out support isn’t going to make her become social. You KNOW this. So you are literally inviting your mother to your wedding to be miserable. How can you not think you’re TAH? She’s gonna be miserable and you want her to be. Who does that?

Well, looks like the jury's out. What do YOU think? Is OP TA?

Sources: Reddit
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