Brother proposes couples' honeymoon; 'I can't get married, it's only fair.' AITA?
"AITA for not allowing my brother and his boyfriend to come to my honeymoon?"
Thro-wa-wa-Y9999
I (25F) got married to my husband (27M) almost an year ago. We weren't able to afford to go the honeymoon we wanted back then so that's why we saved up so we could go to Hawaii for our 1 year anniversary. The trip is supposed to happen next month.
We mentioned our plans to our family when my brother (23M) suddenly chimed in saying that Hawaii is a great idea and that him and his boyfriend will join too. I was taken aback when he said that.
I told him that this isn't a random trip and it's supposed to be our honeymoon. But he said that we could do a double couples honeymoon together so him and his boyfriend can feel the experience of one as well.
I told him that if he wants to feel the experience of a honeymoon they can just go to a separate trip instead of hijacking ours and that even if they come. But my brother went off at me saying that I'm selfish for not sharing this experience with him when I know that our country doesn't allow gay marriages.
So, he's never gonna feel the experience of a real honeymoon and this will be as close as he gets and somehow my parents are now backing him up as well (well, mostly my mom, but my dad usually goes along with her in order to avoid family conflict).
Not going to lie, at this point, I feel like giving my brother the wrong location of our honeymoon so there's no possibility of him and his boyfriend somehow hijacking it. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Glint_Bladesong
Your brother wants a "honeymoon experience" but wants to go with another couple?? I don't know what he thinks honeymoons are for but my wife and I most definately did not want spectators along on our honeymoon.
The very point of the honeymoon is to get 1 on 1 time, just you and your newly wed partner. Your brother can and should most definitely have a honeymoon experience, but by themselves, just the 2 of them, some where far away from you.
Don't tell them the hotel, or your travel dates, or plans for when you are there. And if they already know this stuff, change it if possible without telling them. The only selfish person here is your brother for insisting that your honeymoon go according to his plans. Entitled much? Yeah, hard NTA.
deadeyediva
And don’t tell your parents either.
oaksandpines1776
NTA. You can't prevent him from going to Hawaii at tge same time as you. You can, however, refuse to see them at any point during the trip. All lodging, food, activities, and transportation should be 100% on them alone to arrange for and pay.
Refuse to communicate about this anymore. If they show up with no hotel, don't let them in. They can find a bench to sleep on.
fuzzy_mic
NTA - If your brother wants the honeymoon experience, he can go on one. You going alone on your honeymoon doesn't prevent him from going on an (unmarried) honeymoon with his honey. There are some experiences, like "being alone on a vacation with your partner", that by definition cannot be shared with more than one person. (Your person is your husband.)
strangetimes198
NTA. They can book a honeymoon package in Hawaii. I'm sure there are places in Hawaii who will give their union respect. I am also certain that there are travel agencies that will gladly accept their money.
And help them find something that will make them feel safe and comfortable. Honeymoons are couple oriented. You have every right to make that private. They should definitely consider making theirs private as well.
4y4cchi
NTA, your brother is the ahole. He can get married in a country that allows it (like I did) or just have a party with family and friends. Also, he can save up and take a vacation to Hawaii some other time. You don't owe this to him in any way.
AntiLeftist0113
NTA. Honeymoons aren't a family and friends kind of event. They are solely for the married couple. I would change your plans and not tell your family the specifics if your brother insists on going.