Dad cuts off daughters who don't approve of wife; says, 'I'm not giving them anything.'
TAweddingfather shared his story and asked for advice. Here's what he had to say...
'AITA for not paying for my daughter's wedding when I said I would before?'
I (56M) used to say to my daughters (30F and 32F) that I would pay for their wedding when the time came.
A few things happened that made me change my mind and now I am being called an AH. First off I finally started dating my now wife Clare (34F) and we decided to get married after 8 months together in 2022. This might seem soon but we've known each other a long time.
Both my daughters disapproved of my marriage and refused to come to my wedding because they had not met her (this was their choice because they disapproved of the age gap) and because I texted them that I was getting married 6 weeks before the date (they said they should've been the first to know).
I thought not showing up was super disrespectful and I distanced myself from them. Second of all my daughter's fiancee never asked for my blessing or anything like that and I was told that my wife is not invited at the wedding so that we don't upset my ex wife (their mom).
Both my daughters have been annoyed at me for marrying Clare, for not spending enough time with them at Christmas (they are in their thirties they are not children!) and for not seeing them on weekends but still they expect me to pay for their wedding? I am not planning on giving them anything.
Clare is on my side but some of my family is calling me an AH and saying I should do it. Am I the AH?
Q&A with OP:
No-Yam1369 writes:
You texted them you were getting married? You couldn’t do it in person?
TAweddingfather OP responded:
I was busy planning the wedding and one of them lives out of state, plus I knew they'd be annoyed and need time to cool off
_bird_internet writes:
Did you text the invite to other guests? Or did you send formal invitations? When did invitations go out to other people?
TAweddingfather OP responded:
I texted everyone, I told my sister the week before and the rest the same week as my daughters.
Here's how people judged OP:
Did you ask Clare's father for her hand in marriage?
Baileythenerd writes:
I'm half hesitant to say YTA because I'm a firm believer that 'It's your money, you choose how to spend it.' But with that said, you're such a gargantuan Ass that I'd be remiss for not explaining why.
1. I know 'you do you', but you are marrying a woman the same age as both your daughters, you expect that to just be 'cool' with them? You've given them no time to adjust.
2. 'Second of all my daughter's fiancee never asked for my blessing'. Welcome to the 21st century my dude. You distanced yourself from them. Why would the fiance feel the need to get the blessing of a dad actively distancing himself from [the fiance's] future wife?
3. 'for not spending enough time with them at Christmas (they are in their thirties they are not children' Bro, they are your daughters. Regardless of anything, they want you to be their dad and involved in their lives. They love you, they want to be around you (god knows why, after reading this), and you're upset by this???
4. And I cannot stress this enough BE A DAMN MAN OF YOUR WORD. You have told them throughout their lives that you would pay for their weddings. Unless you have a genuine gripe that isn't 'I'm mad my kids don't like me marrying my arm candy that I paid handsomely for', you should consider that your WORD IS YOUR GODDAMN BOND. Have you NO integrity?
lunarpixiess writes:
YTA. You married someone just two years older than your oldest daughter, which is creepy. And them not being notified until 6 weeks before the wedding is fair of them to react to. And, what, you want your daughter’s fiancé to ask for her hand in marriage? Is she your property? I’d be pretty upset with you if you were my father too.
Hot-Plum-874 writes:
YTA, and of course Clare is on your side. Less money for your kids = more money for her.