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'AITA for crashing my wife’s birthday party and taking her home? She's crying.'

'AITA for crashing my wife’s birthday party and taking her home? She's crying.'


"AITA for crashing my wife’s birthday party and taking her home?"

My wife turned 30 this week. I’m 26M. We’ve always had a strong relationship and I love her so much. My wife has a best friend from childhood Jimmy 28M. I didn’t know him that well but this year we’ve gotten to know each other and have gotten close. He’s my best bud and like an older brother to me in a lot of ways.

My wife goes all out for my birthday parties, and I love them. She’s more of a stoic introvert so I thought it would be nice to throw her a surprise 30th birthday with just her, and me, and make it a special event. I wanted to make her a gift she would love. Jimmy’s an incredible artist and for the past two months I’ve been taking lessons from them.

My wife was curious why I was spending so much time away from home with Jimmy, but I made vague excuses because I couldn’t tell her I was making a gift for her. She’s made a couple comments but never seemed upset.

I told her a week before her birthday that I had made plans with Jimmy. I have a job with flexible hours so it’s not uncommon for me to do it. She wasn’t upset or anything. When her birthday came, it was all I could do not to say anything.

When she left for work, I put my plan in action. I decorated the place. I brought out the cake. I learned from youtube and stored it at our friend’s house. I got a dozen bouquets of flowers. I got her a few other gifts too.

She was supposed to come home at 5:30 but she didn’t. I waited hours for her but she didn’t come home. I called Jimmy and he said he hadn’t seen her. I called her and she didn’t pick up. I checked her location and she was at a restaurant.

I went to the restaurant and she was there with her friends. They were eating a birthday cake and she had presents. I never met these friends of hers before. I think they’re from her work.

She seemed sad. She wasn’t smiling or energetic. I wanted to take her home and show her my gift so she would be happy. I came over to her and told her she had to come home. We grabbed her things and left. On the uber back, she didn’t say anything. At home she started crying.

She has been sleeping on the couch and she avoids me. My wife hasn’t talked to Jimmy either. I told my mom and she called me an asshole. I don’t know why. AITA?

Here's what people had to say in the comments:

General_Relative2838 writes:

YTA. You tried to do something nice, but you went about it the wrong way. Surprises are often a bad idea. This is a case and point. You told your wife you wouldn’t be free on her birthday, so she made other plans. You embarrassed her in front of her friends, friends who had taken her out for her birthday. Of course she is upset.

SameMoment9895 OP writes:

She never told me she was making plans with friends. She didn’t even tell me she had new friends in the first place.

ZookeepergameOk1833 writes:

She didn't tell you because you haven't been available. You put so much energy into the surprise and forgot about her as a person. If you had even said something as simple as tomorrow's your birthday I really want to celebrate with you....

SameMoment9895 OP responded:

I thought that would ruin the surprise. I tend to be a blabbermouth so keeping everything a secret seemed like a good idea.

My wife doesn’t like loud environments where people talk a lot. It’s overwhelming for her. She looked sad at the restaurant and she wasn’t animated at all. When I said “let’s go home” and took her hand she got up immediately and started packing up to go home.

I didn’t tell her about the surprise. I wanted to get her in a better mood. She let me cuddle up to her in the Uber. She saw the decorations and the bouquets but she still cried. It was almost a week ago and she still avoids me.

Level_Quantity7737 writes:'s been a week and you still haven't shown her the gift?

SameMoment9895 OP responded:

I want to but she’s been avoiding me.

Fromashination writes:

No shit, the poor woman probably thought she was losing her husband AND her best friend. I wonder if her best friend knew he was even knew he was being used as a cover.

SameMoment9895 OP responded:

It was Jimmy’s idea not to tell her anything, even that I’m taking art lessons. I’m a blabbermouth and he said that not tipping her off to anything would be the best way she’d be totally surprised and happy. But I screwed it all up.

HortenseDaigle writes:

Either Jimmy is just as clueless as you are or he's actually a lot smarter and trying to break you up. I mean you really need to clear up the misunderstanding and find out what your wife is really thinking.

SameMoment9895 OP responded:

Why would he want to break us up? I’m telling my wife everything and apologizing for ruining her birthday.

kfrostborne writes:

YTA. You didn’t use the critical piece of surprise party planning where you have her home at a certain time for a “good reason”. You just made it look like you were blowing her off, and she made other plans.

You honestly just made it look like you remembered her birthday at the last minute and went overboard to try to make up for it. And instead of apologizing, you forced her to appreciate your thoughtfulness.

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