'AITA for telling my husband to give me half his company if he wants a housewife?'
"AITA for telling my husband to give me half his company if he wants a housewife?"
My husband and I (both 35) have been married for 6 years and we have 2 children together and 1 on the way. He said that he wanted me to be a housewife and stop working.
I was very disturbed by that but he explained that it was better for our family and children since he can afford very good living. After a few weeks thinking I told him that I would agree but only if I get 1/2 his company.
He was surprised by this but I explained further that the more I stay at home the less chance I would have to find a well paying job should we ever divorce because I would have less merits, while he would stay making more money each year.
So I want half of the company. If we never divorce, which is the goal of all marriages, then it wouldn’t matter. But should it end, it would be the price of me staying home and raising our children so he could be less worried and stressed out (his words, that he would be less anxious and stressed out if he knew they were with me rather than with strangers in daycare or nannies).
When I told my friends they called me the AH. My best friend was very angry and called me disgusting. So I am taken aback a little.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Playful_Robot_5599
NTA. To me, this sounds reasonable for exactly the reasons you've given. You don't want to be the bitter woman finding out in her 50s that waiting tables is her only option because her professional career skills have passed their due date, and your husband has moved on.
You don't want to be trapped in a loveless or even abusive marriage because you're financially dependent. And you don't want to be a SAHM begging her husband for an allowance.
Cassowary32
There was a recent AITA by a woman who spent 30 years unmarried with her partner raising their 4 children as a SAHM. Unmarried! So no alimony, SS security benefits, no share of his retirement account, no name on any deed.
He finally proposed after 30 years then changed his mind, saying it wouldn't benefit him. I think she was in an abusive relationship but didn't even know it.
OP, both of you should benefit from the arrangement, now and in the future, you need protection. Divorce is expensive and as much as guys like to complain about losing money, single motherhood is more likely to put you below the poverty line after a divorce especially if there's a gap in your resume. NTA.
Hi_Im_Dadbot
NTA. He’s asking you to make a sacrifice for the sake of the company, so equity in the company is appropriate compensation for this.
If you never get divorced then no worries. If you do, then the extra attention he’s able to give to the business due to your taking on the domestic roles benefits both of you equally, as it should.
Attempted-Catharsis
This isn’t even uncommon and I’ve seen it many times in my line of work.
Often the spouse holds 49% but there are built in buy out conditions so that in the event of a divorce the partner running the business can buy out their partner over time for market value (determined by a mutually agreed expert to prevent someone being disadvantaged). It’s not that radical of a suggestion
Sunrunner2021
NTA and you shouldn't bend on this. You have as much a right to a secure financial future as he does. If he won't do this, he can't afford you or he is looking to create a power imbalance that puts you at a disadvantage. In future, keep your marital business to yourself. Your friends don't get a vote.
BendPresent1437
NTA. I'm a man and I see nothing wrong with your request, you're just protecting yourself and your future in case things go south. You have every right to have financial security.
SadFlatworm1436
NTA and I think that’s a great solution ….if he’s serious about his reasoning your option makes perfect sense.
Ms_SkyNet
Maybe your best friend is jealous. I think this is a brilliant idea and very fair.
Pitagrape
Definitely NTA, but there's more to it than that. Your friends can think whatever they want, what matters is what your husband thinks, and does.
Your suggestion of him giving half his company isn't unreasonable. But also hopefully the company was formed under an LLC, which also helps protect the family assets (if sued, etc). If it isn't, it may be a good time to create this structure.
Winter-eyed
Is your bestie salty because she is waiting for you to pop out the children then seduce your husband who will leave you with nothing?
Cause a friend is supposed to look out for your wellbeing not suffer outrage on behalf of your husband for asking for fair compensation for sacrificing your career and financial stability to take on the domestic responsibilities. Get a better bestie. That one is suspect.
I usually try to see every story from all sides but I’m having a really hard time understanding how your “friends” are calling you an asshole in this situation. I see women get screwed in life by their ambitious husbands all the time. They raise his kids, cook his food, support his career, at the expense of their own futures, and get left in the dust when things go south. It’s smart of you to protect yourself.
Status-Mention6793 OP responded:
Basically they think my husband is a great guy and he loves me and the children so I needn’t be worried. The opposite, I would ruin our great relationship by these demands bla bla bla. I get it, he is just amazing in everything so that’s why I know taking 1/2 isn’t gonna change anything (less taxes for him tho) because we are not gonna divorce and it is ours anyway