My husband and I recently went on a long-overdue vacation to a tropical island. We stayed at an all-inclusive resort but we also wanted to get out and actually explore the island as well. So we decided that each of us could pick an activity to do that would get us off the resort for a day.
I picked a hike that would bring us up into the mountainous interior of the island and through some rainforests. My husband is not a big hiker, but he agreed to do it with me. My husband narrowed his choices down to two options, a catamaran trip to go snorkeling and dune buggy riding.
I get horrible motion sickness. We had some mild turbulence on our flight to the island and even with the Dramamine I took before we took off, I still got nauseous and lightheaded. I told my husband that both of the ideas he picked are things that I know for a fact would make me motion sick.
He told me that it probably wouldn't be that bad but I told him that I know my body and I know without a doubt that both of those activities would make me sick. I asked him if there were any other activities that he was interested in, but he said those 2 were the only ones that piqued his interest.
He eventually agreed to go on the hike trip first and then we can figure out the activity that he wants to do. While on our hike we started talking with another couple that was also staying at our resort. They had been there a couple of times before and my husband asked if they had done either of the activities that he wanted to do.
They had done both and said that both were a lot of fun. But the wife did say that the catamaran trip was pretty rough at times and a couple of people on their trip got seasick. She also said that the dune buggy was fun because you get to drive it yourself, but it's mostly on dirt tracks that can get pretty bumpy.
From the way she described it, I knew that if I did either of those things, I would get sick. When we got back from the hike, I told my husband that I don't want to do either of the activities he wants to do and asked again if he can please pick something else for us to do.
He said those were the only 2 things he liked, and if I don't want to do them, we won't because he doesn't want to go alone.
I knew he was upset because he was really excited talking about both the things he wanted to do and after I told him I wouldn't do them, his demeanor definitely changed. I wouldn't say he was sulking, but he was definitely less animated and not his usual fun self.
He pretty much spent the rest of our trip just sitting around the pool doing nothing. I tried to get him to do things with me, like get a massage, but he told me to go do that myself.
When he didn't change his attitude I finally asked him what was up and he told me that he went outside of his comfort zone to go on a hike with me, but I wouldn't do the same for him. I told him that hiking doesn't make him sick so that's a big difference but he told me I could have at least tried one of them.
Here's how people judged OP:
So you planned a trip with things you wanted to do with nothing he wanted to do, and he needs to wait half a decade to maybe have a chance to do something he wants to do...Sorry, but yta
illegibleaita OP responded:
We didn't know about these activities until we got to the resort. All of this was done within a matter of a few days. We didn't plan these activities months in advance.
NTA. I get very motion sick as well. It sucks and it's lame because I would love to do the things but I just can't. My partner understands this is out of my control and doesn't make me feel bad for it. I will say that you would be an asshole if you don't let him do stuff on his own without you, I can't really tell if that was ever an option that you gave him though.
illegibleaita OP responded:
I did tell him he could do either of those things by himself, but he said he didn't want to go alone because 'that would be weird.' He's quite introverted and he said the idea of being by himself on an activity like that when everyone else is part of a group did not sound fun to him at all.
YTA. You could have tried the dune buggy with him and stopped if it was a problem (at which time he might have been happy continuing on his own) or driven your own behind him and gone slower. You didn’t even try.
I get extremely motion sick—have never been able to read or glance at my phone while in a moving vehicle and even a 10 minute ride as a passenger can get me woozy.
But when it’s time for a vacation, I stock up on Dramamine pills, motion sick patches, bracelets, magnets, whatever is recommended to ease the potential side effects. I’ve been able to go on boats, go kayaking and snorkeling, off-roading, etc. so that I could do activities with those I care about.
YTA for expecting your husband to do an activity he didn’t want to do, while fully knowing that you were never going to agree to do the activities he wanted to do. That’s not being a good partner.