Husband asks if he's wrong to spend more on himself because he makes more.

I (31M) recently completed my PhD and a postdoc position. I didn't make much money during that period, about 26k annually for my PhD, and about 32k while I was working as a postdoc. My wife (30F), who I married about when I got my PhD, makes a sh*tload more than me, or made a sh*tload more than me.

She made about 100k while we were together, so quite a bit of a gap. She also came up with the idea that we should put some of our income for ourselves and some for the family, and this would be proportional to our income, to keep it 'fair'.

She always got a bit fancier stuff than me, and I was pretty jealous. I didn't voice it to her, which I guess I should've, but I don't understand how she doesn't realize it.

I don't want to reveal too much information, but while I was working as a postdoc, I made connections with a couple people who were starting up a company. Long story short, last year I made 300k without including my stake in the company. It is obviously risky, but I think the risk had paid off for me at least.

I did get a Tesla Model S, which I am entirely paying with my own money, including the insurance. And I'm starting to buy more expensive stuff for me too, and it honestly feels amazing.

Now, she is asking if we should just combine our incomes, and each get the same amount of 'our money', which feels like total bullsh*t. She wants to eat her cake and have it too. And I just said no, she wasn't being fair. She then went on a spiel about equity, which I honestly did not listen to. I mean, she is allowed to make that suggestion, but I am allowed to say no, right?

'AITA for keeping the same financial agreement with my wife?'

Edit: I pay 3/4ths of our bills now. I lived on my own (housing was paid by the university) when I was a grad student.

Comments:

tosser9212 says:

'I don't understand how she doesn't realize it.' Because you didn't voice it, and she's not a mind reader. You're responsible for identifying an issue if you have one. In any relationship.

Your wife has an issue now, and she's voiced it. You've responded in the negative, and didn't even listen to the discussion. You're not T A here for wanting to keep the situation the same, but YTA indeed for the way you're handling it. Not evening listening...

Ladyughsalot1 says:

So for years she supplemented your income. Come on OP. She did that for both of you. She may not have realized you had fancy taste. You never spoke up and you let resentment build. The one who is unfair here is you.

Ascf33 says:

OMG the f**king double standard of this sub. Good lord. Keep your money, king.

rainbow_mak3r says:

The wife sure didn’t mind spending her own money on herself when she was making more money. She was the one who wanted to keep it to herself. Why should OP have to split the money he is making after suffering for so many years just because she wants it? She’s a total hypocrite. I don’t get why this sub is so biased against men.

Little_Noodles says:

All the years he was salty about it, she was (apparently?) contributing to his financial security while they were just dating and not even living together.

Literally everything about their combined income, their living arrangements, and the nature of their relationship has changed. And both of them are well off enough that neither is going to be struggling to keep the car street legal. Of course it’s time to update how they allocate funds.