'My husband completely ruined my 50th birthday. Am I overreacting?'

"Husband completely ruined my 50th birthday. Am I overreacting?"

Maybe I am a spoiled brat and I am not seeing things clearly so I need some help with your opinions. So last Friday was my 50th birthday and normally I really don't like to make a big deal of my birthday but this year, I really wanted it to be special. At the beginning of the month, weeks before the big day, I told Hubby I wanted it to be a big deal (my sister also made a point to also tell him).

I wanted something special to happen at work, I wanted something special at home basically I really wanted to be celebrated all day. Now, we live 13 hours away from family on both sides, and I really don't have any close friends where we live so no...I was not expecting a big party.

We are not flush with cash, and like most people are struggling to stay afloat so no, I was not expecting big gifts, jewels, or anything of the sort. In fact gifts were not what I was focused on at all. I just wanted to feel special, loved, like I matter, celebrated.

Some of my hopes were maybe coordinating something at work with my co-workers and having my classroom door decorated with streamers....ot maybe a few balloons....maybe a little happy 50th birthday sign.

Maybe he would get up a little early and make me breakfast...or at least get up and take care of the kids needs (we have 3 school age kids 11, 9, and 6) so the morning wasn't so rushed and we could make a Starbucks run before school....

Maybe he could get all my family together on a zoom call for a virtual party....these were some of my thoughts. He never asked me, but I thought he was going to make it special in some way.

I woke up about 15 mins later than I had intended so it was 4:45 and I began the rush to get ready. When I finish getting ready, he has not gotten out of bed or moved a muscle, so I ran to wake the kids up, take the dog out, make the kids breakfast and ready for the day....he did mutter happy birthday...but he did not get up to give me a hug...it was just cold.

Because I was late getting up and because he also got up late, the kids were late getting ready and that meant no time to do a Starbucks run. As I was running around trying to get all done he kinda shuffled around me...still no hug (this is a big deal for me...we are very PDA friendly, lots of hugs and kisses, little flirty smacks on the butt all the time, so the lack of any physical touch was very weird.

He did whisper to the kids to tell me happy birthday but it was very odd and they were not making anything more than a side comment, happy birthdays. That hurt too.... There were some gifts on our dining table and a card but we did not have time to do that, and I was not expecting to open gifts in the morning but later in the evening once home from work.

We only have one car right now so he always drives us all to school ( I am a teacher at my kids school.) Our goodbye routine is: We both get out of the car, he helps me get my stuff out of the trunk , we hug and kiss good bye, wish each other a good day and say see you this afternoon. He also will help the kids out if they are not out of the car by the time we finish our routine.

That day, he got out, helped me get my bag out and then went to yell at the boys who were goofing off and not getting out fast enough. I waited for him to come back to get my hug but he was deep in 'annoyed dad mode' and didn't come back. I headed to the front of the car and waited for him to come back around to give me a good bye hug/kiss....but he just got in and closed the door.

At that point I was super crushed and my kids and I just walked into the building. I still had hope...maybe something was done to the room or coming later in the day??

No...nothing....it was neat and tidy the way I left it the evening before....maybe he had left something with my teammates, or at least let them know it was my 50th? (This is my first year with them so they do not know me)

At least they could have made happy comments? No...he did not do that either. Another thing we tend to do is text on and off throughout the day little 'I love you' and xoxo, some flirty stuff and the like. I received zero of these either.

I basically cried the whole day because I felt really, really let down...the big slap in the face came later that afternoon when he finally did text me to say he was going to go Door Dash tonight and needed to pick me up by 4:00 from school....He was literally not going to even hang out with me and the kids on my birthday.

A day I had asked to be special. Yes we could use the money but he had taken the last few weeks off so him specifically going on this day felt, just well, purposely mean. He did hug me once he picked us up but he felt cold.

When we got home he went directly to our room to go take his pre-work nap...a part of me was holding out hope that this had been a rouse to get me off the scent for something special he had planned. Nope. He had planned nothing. I walked into out room and through my tears asked him if he was really going to work. He said yes, and then asked me what was wrong....

He said I was the one who was cold and had not given him a hug and because of that moment where I had walked to the front of the car to wait he got upset? I am not really sure why he acted the way he did except he was in 'annoyed dad mode.' I asked him to stay home with me and at least give me time with the whole family. I tried to calm him down, and myself down and we met back up with the kids.

He made them a frozen pizza and after they gave me my gifts. He planted himself on the couch, pouted, and did not move a muscle. The kids did not know what to do so he sort of barked orders at them and they brought the gifts over one by one. The gifts themselves were fine. A print of " The Office" characters made to look like "Peanuts" characters. I am a big fan of "The Office."

He also gave me a Dr. Pepper T-shirt that is too small for me (I am also a huge fan) and the beautiful new Charlotte Dobre shirt (I am a massive fan!!!) with the pretty pink foiled print...alas it is also too small as well. At one point I told him to stop pouting, and at least act happy.

The kids were dying to watch a movie so I picked Disney's Alice in Wonderland, which he slept through. In the middle the kids asked if there was cake as every birthday we have cake. He sat on the couch and said there is some in the firdge.I went to go serve the kids and found basically 3 Nothing but Cake bundlets.... basically 3 cupcakes to serve a family of 5.

I do love cake from this place and he knows my favorite is the cinnamon swirl, pecan praline or strawberry. None of them were included in the trio he bought. These were all chocolate based cakes. I do not like chocolate cake, I do not like to eat it. So, I let the kids choose what they wanted to eat and we finished the movie. At the end of this huge disappointment of a day....

I did not even get to blow out candles on a cake or have anyone sing the Happy Birthday song to me (something I actually like and look forward to). So, after the kids went to bed I re-heated some of the uneaten frozen pizza for myself for dinner and went to bed....I am so broken hearted after this....I just feel so let down...

I asked him to make it up to me with a cuddle fest and lots of love on Saturday. To be honest he didn't really even try....he has had a week...I didn't even get a heartfelt apology, I still feel let down.....am I overreacting?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Pitiful-Bar-6293 said:

So he knew that you wanted to celebrate your 50th birthday (which is a big deal to most), and instead he did less than the bare minimum and had an attitude about it?

You woke up late and he got to stay in bed while you rushed around trying to get yourself and your kids ready. Then he barely gives you a “Happy Birthday”?? Why did he expect you to initiate a hug that morning? I feel like it is customary that when it’s your birthday you should be getting the hugs.

Then the attitude near your car during drop-off? Why the attitude then?

It seems to me like he just didn’t care how you felt about that day. Especially considering he wanted to leave to go Door Dash. That’s an insult in my humble opinion. It screams to me that he just didn’t give a damn at that point.

OP responded:

I don’t know what happened… this is also the guy that when I say I wish I had a Dr Pepper will drop everything to drive across town to go get one for me…

MyRedditUserName428 said:

This gives me “punish her for expecting to be celebrated so she knows her place” vibes.

OP responded:

I get why you would say that because I didn’t really explain his normal day actions. He will look at me some days and know I just need to go to bed and send me off to sleep while he takes care of the kids.

Low_Temperature9593 said:

NOR. Given that he was even less affectionate and thoughtful than usual, this does seem intentional. You asked for an extra special day, and he responded with something less-than-special, even less-special-than-usual. So wtf is that about? 🤨 Don't allow him to avoid the question, don't allow him to gaslight you into thinking any of that was ok.

OP responded:

No idea. I am hoping this post will help me figure out why he changed from his normal day to day behavior.

LetImportant2025 said:

Yeah totally not overreacting. He totally phoned it in. My husband threw me a party at a restaurant with friends and family for my 50th, but we had the $ to do so. There’s so many creative things you can do to make someone feel special on a limited budget.

He knew he screwed up and rather than apologize and make it up to you he doubled down and acted like a brat. It would make me rethink celebrating any of his future birthdays.

OP responded:

Hmm… he can be so amazingly creative with so many things. Maybe he just couldn’t come up with anything and panicked?

SuperbMayhem responded:

Girl, he did not in the least sound panicked, he just doesn’t care. Super manipulative of him to be the one to be mad on your Birthday especially since he put Zero effort in it for you.

Historical_Kick_3294 said:

Honestly, it all seems like he purposefully ruined your birthday because you’d specifically asked to be treated a little bit special. Not a nice guy.