'AITA for not telling my wife just how much my late wife left our children?'
"AITA for not telling my wife just how much my late wife left our children?"
LessyMexxy
I was married to Sammy for 8 years and we had two children together Delaney (now 18f) and Finn (now 17m). Sammy had been born with a serious heart defect that was left undiagnosed for many years. It was during her pregnancy with our daughter where she learned about this, though some health issues over her life had been a sign, that was ignored by doctors.
During her pregnancy with our son she went into total heart failure and between one thing or another, she realized she would not get another heart in time. Sammy came into money a few years before her death. We had always talked about that going toward our kids' college expenses.
When she realized it was unlikely she would live long enough to see them past kindergarten and first grade, she asked me how I would feel about her parents being in charge of the money.
My family are not good people and our concern was always, if the money was left with me, and something happened to me, my family would find a way to get their greedy little paws on it. They would have spent that money without a second thought for their grandchildren/niece/nephew and in all likelihood would have left them with nothing.
So I said yes. Sammy's death came way too soon but she was peaceful in the end. Four years later I met my current wife Nat and after a two year relationship we got married. Nat has two girls who are 14 and 12.
When Nat and I sat down to discuss finances, college funds, etc, I told her that Sammy had left our kids some money, never disclosing exactly how much, and just mentioned that we would not need to save for the kids college. It was different with her girls. Her ex, their father, had stolen the money Nat saved for the girls. So we started saving together. But it was not a lot.
When Delaney told me she wanted to go to college and that she was strongly considering community college, I sat both her and Finn down and told them about the money. I told her it was not to pressure her but if she wanted to go away for college, there was money available. Delaney chose to keep the money for a house in the future and Finn mentioned he would likely do the same with his share.
Delaney mentioned it in front of Nat over the summer and Nat was confused by her comment about it buying a house. She asked how much money it was and she was furious with me when Delaney told her.
She said I should have disclosed just how much my kids had access to. I asked her why? It was their money, it was nothing to do with her. She said I was too vague and I should trust her as my wife. This has been a tension between us since. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Garamon7
NTA. 'I asked her why, it was their money, it was nothing to do with her.' End of story. If anything, Nat should be happy that thanks to this inheritance you can save money solely for her children's college fund. Imagine having to split your saving between 4 kids, not 2.
LessyMexxy OP responded:
That's what we have been doing. I think she believes we should have been saving more for the girls given how much of a difference there will be between what they'll have going to college (if they go) and what my kids have on hand.
NJESQ04
You’re not their dad and not responsible for their college education. Your wife should be grateful you’re contributing at all.
LongMustaches
When you marry someone with kids, their kids become yours. That's such a sh*tty statement for you to make.
calling_water
I understand that bias towards her own kids is hard to overcome. But she knows what it’s like when someone else takes the money that’s supposed to be for your kids, because her ex did that. Having had that happen she needs to understand that it would be just as inappropriate for her to take your kids’ money, either directly or by taking significantly more money from you to compensate.
As for her not knowing how much money your kids will have: did she not realize how expensive college is? You said their college would be covered, and that’s potentially a big expense.
1. the money did not originate with you
2. you have no access to the money
3. your children with your late wife
4. Absolutly ZERO to do with wife #2 and her children she brought with her into the marriage...NTA see 1-4