Being married can be difficult, especially if your physical relationship isn't going well. When this husband is fed up, he asks Reddit:
Been married 8 years. 31 years old. No kids. Wife and I both have great jobs. No plans for kids. I need to know what people think of this scenario.
Let me first say I literally worship the ground my wife walks on. I'm obsessed with her and she knows it. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. I'm always trying to show affection in any way I can to let her know how much I care about her.
I'm constantly making her dinner (almost daily even though I work), taking her on SURPRISE vacations to tropical places (her fav type), and just always trying to make sure she has anything she could ever want or need.
Wife will not put out. At all. I'm talking once a month IF IM LUCKY. And I have to beg for it. I've tried asking her why and she just says she doesn't want to or doesn't care.
I've asked her to visit relationship coaches/therapists with me that could maybe help us with this issue, maybe talk through why she doesn't have any sex drive. She will not do it. Whenever I bring it up she just gets mad and says I need to just deal with it.
I don't feel desired or attracted to at all. It never used to be this way. She jokes that 'Well i'm not trying to impress you anymore, we are already married' but I don't find it funny.
As a male I have needs. I've told her if she doesn't put out I will just go get it somewhere else. I can't help but feel like an asshole for that, but I don't want to be in a sexless relationship.
And for those who think Im the asshole...please help! I genuinely mean that. I Need advice!! AITA?
YTA. I disagree about urging her to get therapy. Some people just don’t have a sex drive. And that’s 100% legitimate. They aren’t a disorder or project to be fixed. If SHE was unhappy about it, then yes - seek help. But she’s good with it. So there’s nothing “wrong” with her.
Honestly, as much as it sucks, it’s possible you two just aren’t physically compatible. You may have been in the past, but you aren’t anymore. People and relationships change. They evolve. It’s not your job to change your wife. It’s your job to decide YOUR boundaries and needs not necessarily as a man, but as a human.
NTA. Like others have suggested, sit her down and absolutely stress that this will end your marriage. Therapy seems like a good start, if she agrees. Divorce seems like a good start if she doesn't. Sorry, man. Good luck.
I would also say that there's a (slim, granted) possibility that the wife here is somewhere along the asexuality spectrum, and the previous sex life was a lot of 'just get through this and maybe it'll be easier to say something when you're married' sex.
It's really hard to admit that you're really just not interested in sex, especially when there isn't a convenient medical reason why and you really are interested in someone romantically.