Husband refuses to put his clothes in hamper; wife questions marriage. AITA?
Little arguments in a marriage can sometimes create big rifts.
One woman tried everything she could think of to get her husband to do the bare minimum when it came to helping with the laundry. She agreed to wash and dry and return all of their combined clothing.
All she asked was that he please, just pretty please, put your laundry in the hamper. It sounds like a small issue but she's worried it might be breaking their marriage.
"AITA for not doing my husband's laundry?"
My husband (31M) and I (32F) were talking about this last night as I had a load of laundry going in the dryer when he got home from work. He thinks I’m wrong for not doing his laundry that he leaves on the floor.
I started doing his laundry 3 years ago when we bought our house. Before that, we rented a place and did our own laundry. Because he wanted his clothes washed a certain way. But when we bought our house he asked if I could just wash his clothes with mine and I agreed.
At some point, he started to just wear his boxers to bed and would throw the rest of his clothes on the floor. When I noticed that he would just throw his clothes on the floor next to his side of the bed, I asked him to start putting his clothes in the laundry hamper in the master bathroom.
He complained that it was too far and that he just takes his clothes off when’s he’s getting into bed. So I bought him a hamper and put it right next to his side of the bed. Problem solved, I thought.
Turned out, I was wrong. He just throws his dirty clothes around the hamper instead of putting them in the hamper. I asked him to start putting his clothes in the hamper next to his side of our bed and he complained that it was too dark to see. But he doesn’t have a problem placing his phone on his night stand.
I told him I won’t wash his clothes if they are on the floor. Only if they are in the hamper. So he started putting his clothes in the hamper for a couple of weeks. Then stopped. So I stopped washing the clothes that he leaves on the side of the bed(only washing what made it into the hamper).
Then he got mad at me for not washing his clothes and asked me to start washing them again. I told him I would wash them if he put them in the hamper. I feel like this is a simple request. I’m doing him a favor by washing his clothes.
Even if he doesn’t put them in the hamper right after he takes his clothes off, he could put them in the hamper in the morning when he wakes up. Or before he leaves our room each day.
I do wash whatever he puts in the bathroom hamper. He doesn’t have a problem putting stuff in there but it’s usually only a few items. We both have full time jobs. I work remotely from home. I do the majority of the cooking and cleaning. Bills are split 60(him)/40(me). He makes more money and wants me to be able to save money for a rainy day so he agreed to pay more bills. No kids yet.
Here were the top responses from readers:
NTA. When you make dinner you should put his food on the table next to the plate.
He is taking weaponized incompetence to a whole new level. The hamper in the bathroom is too far and it's too dark to see the one she put right by his bed? If they have kids, he will not do a thing. Ever.
Nta. This is weaponized incompetence.
This is the fight that I chose to end my marriage on. I asked “Can you please put your dirty socks in the hamper? It will only take a second.” When he responded with: “If it will only take a second, why can’t you do it?”
I knew there would be ZERO equity in care and maintenance of the household and he just wanted another mommy.
If you don't want to mommy him for the rest of his life STOP DOING HIS LAUNDRY. NTA - He is an able bodied adult acting like a child. Advice - share responsibilities 50/50 your future self will thank you. I bet you're the bill payer/accountant too.