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Husband calls wife 'cow' 14 weeks after giving birth; stomps on her food. UPDATED

Husband calls wife 'cow' 14 weeks after giving birth; stomps on her food. UPDATED

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"My 29f husband 31m threw away all my food because I'm a 'cow.'"

throwra34_69

We've been married for 6 years and together for 9 years. Two college kids who fell in love and decided to build a life together. I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (14 weeks old) who's my entire world.

I've suffered through 3 miscarriages and experienced several complications during pregnancy. I was on bed rest for 3 months and had to go through over 20 hours of labor before the doctors performed an emergency C-section. But our daughter was born healthy and happy and all that pain was worth it.

I had gained about 30 pounds during my pregnancy. I was 5'7 121 pounds prior. After giving birth I gained another 10 pounds since I have been breastfeeding and my body has been craving calorie dense foods.

Not junk food. Just 70% minimum cacao chocolate, stuff like plantain chips, meats, dairy, nuts, et cetera. The doctor told me that I should listen to my body's needs and feed myself whatever I feel like I need.

My husband has been helpful. He was happy when he learned the gender. He took care of me and accommodated all my needs during my bed rest. Post partum, however, he started to make up excuses to not help with the baby. He hasn't been as affectionate with our daughter as I had hoped he would be.

He made a few negative comments about my weight here and there. Like 'You're a bit chubby', 'Today's a good day to work out and shed some pounds'. I was an extremely active woman who worked out 4-5x a week and indulged in dangerous and adventurous activities.

But now I'm completely exhausted, I can barely get out of bed, I've collapsed 5 times, and I'm stressed out and at the same time I have to take care of our baby and the household.

The other day, my husband had already gone to work and I went to the kitchen and found all my food gone. Every single bag, box, package. Everything.

I called him crying to inquire where all my food is and he told me that he threw everything out because I needed to start losing weight. I hung up on him and called my best friend so she could bring me some food that I needed from the store.

Afterwards my husband came home and when he saw the food that she had brought, he threw everything outside and smashed everything with his foot.

I was furious with him and I was screaming and yelling at him for being a selfish POS and he called me a 'f*%$ing cow' while throwing some of the crushed packages at me and ended with punching a hole in the door.

I called my brother who picked me and my baby up and I'm now staying at his place. His mother, sister, and even my own mother are all defending him and say that I have to lose weight and apologize to him for my postpartum breakdown.

I guess I'm just not sure if this is good grounds to file for divorce or should I listen to my mother? Is this how all men are wired?

Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:

KingOk5336

You need to get out now and this is definitely a ground for divorce. Unfortunately women are more at risk of being victim of domestic violence during pregnancy AND postpartum. How old is your baby?

The OP responded here:

throwra34_69

She's 14 weeks old.

delifte

Get out of this abusive relationship. This guy is an absolute madman and you need to find a way out of this. It doesn't even matter at this point whether or not you need to lose the weight.

He is not caring, he is not loving, he is selfish, he doesn't care about the child, he doesn't care about you. He is abusing you. Please don't raise a child in this situation, because if this continues he could treat your baby this way.

Look at it this way: Imagine this post was written by someone you didn't know. Re-read everything you wrote and see it from the outside. No, not all men are wired this way. In fact the majority aren't. This man is a complete ar@e.

ShneefQueen

I get what you’re going for but can we stop saying “he’s not a man he’s a little boy”? He is a man, this is man behavior, it’s scary and violent and it happens all the time.

Little boys aren’t inherently violent or misogynistic, they’re often incredibly sweet until a certain age when it’s no longer “okay” to be sweet. This behavior is taught and encouraged by a violent patriarchal society where men aren’t held accountable for their behaviors.

Let’s start holding these men accountable for their adult behaviors and not write it off as childish, because it’s not. It’s purposeful and it’s violent.

Two weeks later, the OP returned with an update for those following her story.

'Update'

throwra34_69

Thank you guys for the comments on my previous post. However, even though I really wanted to follow everyone's advice about weight, eating, and divorcing, my mother still got in my head and because I've always obeyed her I listened and went back to my husband.

He did say that he was sorry for calling my 'a f*&@ing cow' but he said he was only being honest and said, and I quote 'Isn't honesty the most important foundation of a happy and healthy relationship?'. And I thought he was right.

So I started cutting back on my food and eating low calorie foods but problems almost immediately arose. My energy levels dropped and my milk supply diminished quickly. I must have collapsed at least 4 times during that period.

Three days ago, at night, the baby was crying non-stop and my husband got angry and yelled at me to make her stop. I told him that I wasn't producing enough milk due to lack of food and he literally said 'Cows eat grass and produce gallons of milk. What are you, a meat cow?'.

That's when I decided to take my daughter while I was shushing her and letting her breastfeed whatever drops of milk I had there and once my husband fell asleep, I left the house and came to my best friend who welcomed me in and told me I can stay here as long as I need to.

I didn't go to my brother because I didn't trust him anymore since he also told me that I should work things out with my husband.

I already filed for divorce and cut off contact with his family and my own mother. My best friend and her fiance have been helping me a lot by taking care of my baby while I was resting and my best friend would bring whatever I needed from the store.

My milk supply has returned to normal and I haven't collapsed once. I've probably had more rest for these 3 days than I've had in a month.

I am going to attempt to get full custody and supervised visits from the father, but my best friend's fiance said that it might be difficult to do without evidence. And I do have at least some evidence because we of course have cameras outside our house and they recorded everything.

It may not be enough but.. fingers crossed. But the reddit advice has helped me a lot and I appreciate all the help.

Here were the top rated comments from reader after this update:

LetThemEatCakeXx

This has to be one of the saddest posts I've seen. I am supremely impressed with your strength. I urge you to utilize resources for emotional endurance. Please consider counseling. I truly wish you the best.

concernedforhumans

Save all his texts. In the texts say that when he punched a hole , he made you afraid . Let him admit to that and Keep his response as evidence. Cut contact with your mother, she can seek grandparents’ rights and expose your kid to her abusive father.

KiwianaQuiche

'His mother, sister, and even my own mother are defending him.' Wtf are with these trash women, defending this sh*%$ag husband? Goddamn losers.

concernedforhumans

Save all his texts. In the texts say that when he punched a hole, he made you afraid . Let him admit to that and Keep his response as evidence. Cut contact with your mother, she can seek grandparents’ rights and expose your kid to her abusive father.

TermAggravating8043

Congratulations on moving out and standing up for yourself.

It really is awful how often a woman’s appearance is put above her health.

So, do you think the OP made the right call to get out of a verbally abusive relationship or could they have worked things out through therapy?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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