Husband tells wife, 'if you aren't willing to work full-time, we shouldn't have had a baby.' AITA?
"Am I wrong for wanting my wife to work full time?"
We are in our late 20s and have one baby together. We have been running into financial issues. We do ok, like our bills and rent are always paid on time, but we don’t live as comfortably as we want to. We live in Mississippi and I work full time and make around $40k a year and my wife works part time and she makes about $20k a year.
Some dumb financial decisions were made. I spent $4,900 on an engagement ring. She wanted a big carat so I wanted to get her a ring she would be happy with to wear. Then, my wife dropped her online university classes because it was difficult balancing a baby and working.
My wife doesn’t want to work full time because she wants to stay home with the baby. But, her mom has offered to watch our baby. She doesn’t mind she loves to spend time with her grandchild (free of charge). But, my wife doesn’t want to do that because she wants to be the one with our baby.
She hates working, she complains about working all the time. Even when she’s at work, she’s texting me saying she wants to go home already and be with her family.
She wants to be a SAHM one day. But the way our finances are moving, it’s not possible. We’re just not on the same page on this. I feel like I need to specify that we don’t pay for daycare.
Edit: everyone is freaking out about me only making 40k, the cost of living is like 20k in Mississippi. In Mississippi most people live comfortable off $2,700 a month.
The cost of living in Mississippi is really low. We live in the cheapest state in the US. My wife and mine combined income 60k is a really good household income for Mississippi… I just want my family to be able to live more comfortably that’s it. WE WOULD LIKE TO RETIRE AND NOT WORK UNTIL WE DIE.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
qwerrty20120
My opinion would be for you guys to sit down together and write up all of your expenses and earnings and have a serious conversation on how you guys want to move forward by making some temporary solutions as her working full time until you get out of this hole and then dropping hours back down to part time.
Edit to add: Using the resources you have around you such as your mom baby sitting (whether for free or a low charge) will help that goal become easier to reach.
lutranono
I think something like “I would like you to be a sahm too, but we need to save to get to that point. We should do it now while we have help with baby’s grandma “ and a set amount of savings you want to get to before she drops down again?
JadieJang
Also, how long does she plan to be a SAHM? Because NOW is the time to do that, not later, when the kids are in school.
Apprehensive_Ring_46
This is a conversation you should have had before the blissful wedding day.
got_2_b_a_bet_r_way
It's hard to be the one to tell a person they have to work for a living. Maybe you and her mom can help her understand the necessity. You aren't wrong at all. (But paying that much for jewelry when you make so little money was a dumb choice. Hope you aren't in debt for it). Being a stay-at-home-parent simply isn't in the cards for all of us.