Unemployed man wants wife's best friend and her baby out of house. AITA? UPDATED
Mixing friends and family can create some very awkward tensions but it's important to remember, everything doesn't always have to be about you.
One husband was starting to get annoyed after agreeing to let his wife's best friend and her baby stay with them while struggled through some tough times. He thought he was making the right call but, as time passed, he started to feel some resentment. He felt like they were ruining his homelife and, even though he was unemployed and they were paying rent, he says his wife didn't have time to cook for him anymore. He wanted them out so he could go back to playing video games and spend romantic time with his wife. This story takes a turn when Reddit readers get the chance to weigh in on his behavior.
AITAH for telling my wife I want her best friend to leave after she invited her to live with us.
My (38) wife (32) has invited her best friend (32) to live with us because she going through a really messy divorce. She has her baby with her. I like her friend and we’re the god parents of her baby.
I really hate this situation and really want her to leave because my wife basically has no time for me any more. She used to cook for me but that doesn’t happen anymore. We haven’t been intimate since she moved in.
I really wish that kid wasn’t here. She wakes me up every single night. We have a small apartment and there’s kids toys everywhere. They sleep in the living room which is where my Xbox is so I haven’t been able to play.
She puts dirty diapers in the kitchen garbage and the whole house smells. My wife is talking about us watching the kid while her friend goes on a work trip for 2 weeks. I hate this.
This seems really unfair to me. Why is my life being turned upside down? Where is her ex husband in all this. I don’t know how long this is supposed to last but it’s not working. I told my wife I want her to go and she got really mad and called me an a**hole. Is she right?
Here were the top comments from the initial post:
YTA based on your post history in which you've omitted some relevant detail from your original post.
But by god, reading your post, you sound like a very needy person. You can cook for yourself, you know. I'm wondering if your wife likes the situation because it gives her a break from catering to YOUR needs.
ESH - your wife probably shouldn't have assumed that her friend can stay indefinitely after your weirdly brief sounding conversation but damn man, you're almost 40 and you're complaining because your wife doesn't cook for you any more and that it's unfair that you can't play your games console?
Why not help take the trash out if it stinks so bad? This literally sounds like a complaints list from a 14 year old about his mom
NTA but you should have set boundaries and time limits beforehand.
I mean homeboy can't even cook for himself, I feel like expecting him to set boundaries is outside of his purview.
We need more info on that one. I can't believe i have to say this, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with a wife cooking for her husband as long as she's cool with it. If she does all the cooking and doesn't want to, that's a different story.
For instance, in relationships my partner usually does about 70% of the cooking, and I do 70-100% of household repairs and I do 100% of the chores that involve all of the cars, like oil changes, services, etc.
Adults in consensual relationships have the right to settle into roles that they agree to.
The OP also responded to provide more important information:
She does help with the rent. I’m not working right now so I guess I could help some more. My wife and I did discuss her coming to stay beforehand, I just didn't think it would be this long. I thought it would be a day or 2. It has been two weeks.
You’ve got to be kidding. You’re unemployed and are complaining about not being able to play games, when your wife does all the chores, childcare and money earning? Wow. Just wow. Keep it up and you’re the one who’ll get sh*tcanned.
After people voiced their opinion of the OP and his story, he returned with a changed perspective:
Update for anyone interested
So I did a lot of thinking today and it was an eye opener for me. I was being really selfish and I don’t want to lose my wife. It’s really a great thing she wants to help her friend and now I see that.
I cooked dinner for every one tonight. I know a lot of people got worked up about that. I spent the day with my god daughter and I’m going to watch her more often. We went out and got some things, a croc pot, diaper pail, a few toys.
I gave my wife’s friend a much needed break. My wife’s friend was crying before and I feel really bad about what I said. I don’t want her to leave.
Readers who had been following the story came back to respond:
Thanks for the update! i think it shows that you were probably feeling frustrated needed to vent with your original post. Im glad you're gonna help out more. With the child, please stay consistent and be the person the child needs as its parents are going through their break.
Youre modeling relationships right now and helping baby feel secure attachments! lots of great tips online for age appropriate activities and milestones too! take care!
I am so pleased to read this. I read the AITA post and I initially feared the worst. It sounded like every single toxic partner a woman on Reddit writes about. You sound like a caring and sensible person. I hope it works out for your wife's friend.
The OP responded here:
Me too I let her sleep in my bed for the night to give her a break. I get to be closer to the Xbox lol.
Taking people's input to heart is something not a lot of people can handle. Good on you. I hope you're able to enjoy some time with your goddaughter in the meantime and everything works out for her and her mother.
Just remember, after she stays so long, she’s established residency and you’re going to have to go through the courts to evict her.
You asked for advice on the Internet, got a ton of people calling you out, and then you reflected and changed your behavior? That's not how it's supposed to work!!! Good on you, Bro.