Wife complains her jeans don't fit, husband says she 'still has her baby weight.'
Sometimes, we can be hurtful when we think we were being helpful.
It is generally understood that commenting on anyone's weight is rarely a good idea. But, loving relationships require honesty and support. One husband thought he was sharing his honesty with his wife when she commented on none of her jeans fitting anymore, but it lit the fuse on a serious relationship arguement.
AITA for pointing out my wife’s baby weight?
I 32m have been married to my wife 31f for 9 years. We have a 7 year old son together, and 2 year old twins. With our son my wife lost her weight pretty fast, she didn’t gain much to even start out with.
My wife has always been pretty petite. Before our twins she was probably 120-125 lbs. She is now 180.
She has showed no attempt to lose the weight and no longer goes to the gym. She use to always be in the gym, 4 days a week.
The other night she was complaining her new jeans no longer fits and i pointed out that she still has her baby weight. She got really upset and said I basically called her unattractive.
That is not the case at all, I find my wife beautiful, but she keeps sizing up in her jeans and then acts confused why.
We’re very open with each other so I didn’t think she’d take it so offensively. I told her I thought she was beautiful and that wasn’t suppose to be an insult, just that she hasn’t lost it yet. She then got defensive and said she carried two babies in her body and what did I expect?
She slept as far to the wall as she could get, and had an attitude with me for the rest of the night. We are open about things, I never meant for it to be taken so negatively, or to insult her.
The post immediately blew up with responses from other users:
Babies build bones, and do you know how? By LEECHING CALCIUM FROM THEIR MOTHER’S BONES. Metal. Your wife’s body had twins in it. Her bones had to move around and reorganize. Her organs had to shift to make room. Her lungs and heart and bladder had to work under increased pressure.
She had to go through a labor and then delivery two whole babies and the associated bits and bobs. If that were my wife…bro I would never ask her to do anything ever again. Split your abdominal muscles in half and then decide if you feel like going to the gym ever again.
Then get on Google and ask what you can do to support a partner who wants to get back in shape. You can meal prep, you can offer to take something off her hands, get her sessions to something fun and fitness-adjacent so she feels good. That way she knows you want her to feel good so she feels good, not so that you can pass judgement on her appearance.
Not the most egregious, more of a dumb, but YTA
NTA you weren't criticizing her, just stating a fact.
YTA As someone with almost 2 year old twins, I can tell you my body is not what is was. I had single pregnancies before the twins and they did nothing to my body compared to what the twins pregnancy did. She knows why her jeans aren’t fitting, you don’t need to point it out.
NTA - you called it as you saw it and it’s been 2 years. There will always be an excuse for not hitting the gym.
YTA I don't understand what you thought saying this would achieve? Do you think she hasn't noticed she doesn't weight the same as pre-babies? She is not confused as to why she is going up in jeans sizes.
Did you think your simple minded wife didn't realise what was happening and needed you to point it out for her and she would say 'oh! Thank you I see now, I better drop my two toddlers and young child off somewhere so I can go back to the gym 4 times a week. I am so glad you explained to me what has happened!'
Like really, do you think anyone ever likes to have their weight gain pointed out? Is it ever helpful? How did you expect her to react?
She clearly was not happy about the changes to her body post babies as she was complaining about the jeans not fitting, so you should have known she would not appreciate what was clearly and attempt to make her feel uncomfortable enough to 'start doing something to lose the baby weight'.
Also to add. That you keep saying about losing it yet and calling it baby weight. But there is every chance that her body will never go back to what it was like pre babies. She is older and has grown 3 babies and bodies change.
She has not even put on a massive amount of weight. She was very small to start with and is still a normal weight. Nothing unhealthy or impacting her health. You need to shift you attitude and appreciate the body she has, not waiting for her to change back to the body of a 20 year old.
But he merely pointed out that she has put on weight and has not lost it. THAT'S WHY SHE DOESN'T FIT INTO HER JEANS AND SHE HAS BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT IT. yes it's a touchy subject, but maybe she needs to examine her response and why she has been so defensive?
Having a winge and expecting someone to deny reality is stupid. You put on weight and you maintain, gain or lose it. It's a choose your own adventure.
'WhY dOn'T i FiT iNtO mY jEaNs AnYmOrE?' 'Well because x.y and z.' 'YoU aSsHoLe!!!' fragility, because she knows why and doesn't want to face the reasons why and just wants to have a winge. Maybe practice some acceptance and get on the beautiful at any size train because she is sounding fatphobic to me.