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'I'm happily married but just found divorce papers and a note hidden in my air vent.' UPDATED

'I'm happily married but just found divorce papers and a note hidden in my air vent.' UPDATED

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"I found divorce papers in my air vent."

I (29F) and my husband (30M) have been married for 4 years now, together for 7. And it's going fantastically well. He's handsome, cute, kind, loving, and makes me feel safe and wanted and loved and protected. He takes me on dates, shows physical affection wherever he can, and also just makes me feel happy. We have no kids but we are trying for it.

So the other day I was cleaning the house (I'm a housewife) and I was cleaning the air vent at the top of the staircase aisle, because we had never cleaned it ever since we bought the house. And when I opened it, there was a box. An unmarked box. I took it out and then opened it and then there was a note (more about it somewhere down below) and...

Divorce papers. All ready with our names on it. The only thing wasn't filled in was the signatures of us. I was crushed. He had just gone to work after kissing me for 7-8 minutes and hugged me and everything has been going great. So why this?

I opened the note, and it read as follows:

"It is with immense regret and sadness that your love between you and (my name) has ran its course. I'm sorry (his name). You didn't deserve this. Or you did. I don't know. Maybe she cheated, maybe you did. Maybe the love didn't last for you. All those times, all those moments of being with her, are of no use now. In the end, she did go away.

Or you rather made her leave. She's gone. Never coming back. It's okay you POS you didn't deserve her in the first place. Delusional is what you are since you didn't push her away in the first place.

Or,

She cheated on you. I'm sorry for that.She had an affair, physical or emotional, and she didn't choose you. Forget her. Forgive her. Because to be amity, is to be forgiving. And you deserve the peace my friend. You did everything that you could, but she wanted more.

Listen to "We Don't Understand Each Other" from ST3, and go to sleep. Hit the gym tomorrow. I'm here for you. Take care mate. Yours, (His Name)."

His note was from himself by himself for himself. I'm crying right now. I've never cheated on him and never even had the thought of cheating on him. All I want is him to be with me. What should I do? It breaks me to see how he thinks like this.

What do you think is going on here? Here's what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

OP I hope you read this. When my mental health/paranoid delusion was at its worst, my intrusive thoughts were always telling me I should be meticulously preparing for my strong, healthy LTR to fall apart and I would do shit like this. I wrote myself notes to cheer myself up after imaginary scenarios like this- "you pushed them away" "they cheated and you want to die" "you've fallen out of love"

"so your mental illness was too much and he left you". I even got myself on several apartment wait-lists, and worked on my credit score- "just in case" bc I was SO paranoid id lose what I loved the most that I became obsessed with preparing as if it was inevitable. Again - our relationship was pretty solid.

Loving, supportive. I don't think my partner ever knew the extent to which my intrusive thoughts and paranoia made me prepare for totally imagined potential heartbreak. I've never told him. We're stronger than ever and I'm on meds and we have a great therapist. But OP--- This is what your husband's weird note feels like to me.

There is some deep rooted insecurity and paranoia that he needs to address and as un-fun as the next steps that come might be (it is very hard to hear from a loved one that you are having paranoid delusions that affect others), you need to bring this up with him ASAP. Self-sabotage like this is self-fulfilling prophecy when unaddressed.

said:

The note is SO odd. Does he have low self esteem? Sounds like he is trying to tell himself that he does not deserve you and preparing for the worst should something happen.

And said:

It almost sounds as if he wrote himself a pep talk in case your marriage goes to shit. You know what they say... Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.... albeit this is to the nth degree... I don't know that I'd be able to not say something to him. This is definitely something that warrants a conversation.

Later that day, OP shared this hopeful update:

Hello everyone. Thank you for all your support and the reception to this post. A lot has happened in the last 7 hours, so here is my final update. Just a few things I think you should know:

He is depressed but has gotten considerably better, due to medical means and therapy. He was diagnosed with OCD and Depression (moderate). He also has been portraying signs of imposter syndrome ever since we started dating, but not to the extent that it could be considered seriously.

He is quite smart as he has been to an Ivy League school, and is now currently working as a head of department of R&D, in a well paying job. But he doesnt openly express emotions, struggles with affection display. He does portray how much he loves me and makes me feel wanted but he's still afraid of opening up.

Him and I love each other to the extent that it cannot be described, and I definitely don't wanna lose him. The mere thought of cheating disgusts me. How can I throw myself at someone who i don't even know and fucking care about?

So he came home. I was sitting on the couch with the box on the coffee table. He tried to kiss me but froze the moment he saw the box. I broke down at that point, because the though of him not coming home to me every day broke me.

He came to comfort me, but I pushed him away.

I am Just crying and saying, Why? Why would you do this?! You think you don't deserve me or you thought I fucking cheated on you?!

He said nothing. After I calmed down, he said that:

He had made the arrangements for this, a contingency plan 3-4 months ago when an office worker of his got cheated on and another office worker's marriage failed as the wife didn't find the husband attractive or interesting anymore and also that was coincidentally the time he became a reddit user,

and he started to get frightened about this issue as he read many posts on r/survivinginfedelity and also open marriages and relationships. He didn't tell me that he'd been using reddit for the last 2 couple of months. He really tried to hold it in, but failed and went to a lawyer and got the papers done just in case.

He said that he loves me to death, and still finds me insanely attractive to the extent he doesn't want to leave me for one microsecond, and that if I were comfortable, he wants to spend the entire life of his with me.

But he just couldn't handle the thought of another man even touching me and he said that he just can't, even for his life, share me with anyone and that I'm his and he's mine. Mine and mine alone, and I'm his and only his.

He said he isn't trying to justify what he had done and what he had done was wrong and unforgivable. But he said that he hopes I can understand the circumstances that made him do this, and that how much he doesn't wanna lose me and can never ever share me with anyone.

And that he loves me the most and that he'd do anything for me and begged me to be transparent when I'm bored in the marriage so we can talk it out and work through it and pull through like always and for any reason that I feel upset or have a problem with.

At this point, we both were breaking down. He tried to come closer to touch and comfort me and I let him. I wrapped my arms around him and didn't let go. We hugged forever, and cried our hearts out. When he finally pulled back and he kissed me for, God knows how long. I don't wanna lose him. I love this man and I want to be around him forever and ever. We fell asleep on the couch with me on top of him.

When we woke up and had breakfast. Then we burned the divorce papers and the note in out backyard and used to the remnants of the combustion as manure for our plantations.

After that we took a bath, and we just snuggled. I never let go, and so did he. We held each other for hours, until we were okayish. We got up, and he made lunch while I hugged him from behind and then we ate, and snuggled. He fell asleep and I'm typing this while watching him sleep, he's still reaching out for me and his hand is on my thigh.

We discussed and will consult a therapist for the both of us to counter the things he has in his mind.

The more I look at him the more I smile because I know I've found the one for me.

Sources: Reddit
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