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Man asks wife to leave room while he's comforting grieving female friend. She refuses.

Man asks wife to leave room while he's comforting grieving female friend. She refuses.


For some people in relationships it's totally fine for their partner to have very close friends of the opposite sex. For other's it makes them uncomfortable. Some of this may have to do with trust, the person's behavior in the past, perceived intentions of the friend, or even seeing how they act together.

There's no right or wrong answer to this, but there can be conflict. In this post a woman wasn't comfortable with how her husband was interacting with his 'best friend,' and things blew up from there. Here's her story...

My husband's best friend (female) got the news of her dog's cancer days ago. My husband would call her everyday til yesterday when she visited.

I opened the door for her, greeted her then led her to the living room and went into the kitchen to get a class of water after my husband asked me.

I came back and didn't find them in the living room. Turns out they went into the guests room and the door was shut. I heard weeping/sobbing sounds coming from the inside. I knocked then got in and found them embracing each other crying. I stood by the door but my husband paused and told me to give them a moment.

I gotta say that I did not feel comfortable with his request so I remained standing. He got up and started repeatedly telling me to get out. I told him it's my house and he can't tell me where I can and cannot stay. He got angry and told me to get out and we'll talk later but I refused.

He asked what was wrong with me for not seeing how tense the situation was and for not giving them privacy. I told him that they did need to shut the door for any reason no matter what it was. We argued and she ended up leaving.

He blew up at me afterwards calling me unbelievable and saying I had no respect for him and his friend who's going through a hard time and refusing to give them privacy. I told him how weird it was for them to shut the door just because they were crying. He told me that I was petty and overbearing to act like this in front of her and stopping him from showing proper support.

Now he's completely gone radio silent and is acting like I kicked her out or treated her poorly.

Some context:

1: Ages of those involved are 26Female, 28Female, and 31Male.

2: She's been his best friend/sister like for over 8+ years.

3: She tends to be very emotional and highly sensitive.

4: We don't get along because she tends to be a boundary stomper and does/says things that make me feel like I don't know my husband as much as she does. She also compares us as well.

5: Initially, I did not want her to come to the house but my husband called her and told her to come since he didn't see her after the news was received til yesterday.

Here's what people had to say in the comments:

sawdeanz writes:

YTA - I don't think you were an asshole for opening the door and checking in. He asked you to give them a moment... a totally reasonable request when someone is visibly upset.

You standing there and starting a fight makes you an AH, you did treat her poorly, as if you suspected impropriety. But I suspect there is more to the story you are not sharing so idk. But based on the post and nothing more that's all I can conclude.

pequisbaldo writes:

I don’t get policing your partner, I mean if you’re afraid they will cheat the first chance they get, is it even worth it? I wouldn’t want to live like that. Anyway, if he wanted to cheat he would probably go to her place and not in your house with you in the next room. YTA

norakb123 writes:

Absolutely agree! I can’t believe I had to scroll past so many NTAs to get to the proper verdict. I don’t like people to see me cry, so maybe the friend didn’t want someone she wasn’t as close to see her cry, so the request for privacy also makes total sense.

I am a woman married to a man and if I were in this situation, I would have walked out when asked and ask them to let me know if they need anything.

evillittleperson writes:

Ok I am going to get so down voted for this.. but I honestly don’t know if I would feel comfortable with my husband in a room holding an other woman that isn’t family. I find this strange and disrespectful. I get men and woman can be friends but there is a thing of being too friendly.

Don’t get me wrong I am not a jealous person but the fact they where hiding in a room from her just kind of puts off alarm bells in my head. But I don’t know the whole situation but like I said it sounds strange to me.

erin_bex writes:

My friend Kay was never invited to her husband's high school friends' get-togethers. Literally not invited. She thought it was so weird but tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Turns out he was having an affair with his old high school girlfriend and they are now divorced. The entire friend group knew which is why Kay wasn't invited.

If the behavior seems weird, it's probably weird for a reason. Listen to your gut!

Rare_Teaching_4069 writes:

The personal problem that I have with this kind of statement is how it implies that you would be ok with your husband comforting another man. It seems to suggest that friendship between potentially romantically compatible people can’t be as total/complete as a friendship between people who are not sexually/romantically compatible.

Which it’s kinda of big for us bisexual people ahahaha

Btw I’m not saying that you are not an AH or that your stance does not make sense, I just wanted to provide a different pov as a bisexual woman.

Apprehensive_Fox_47 writes:

Bisexual girl here. I found it weird that he is calling her and talking to her daily. This level of emotional support is questionable. Maybe I am just a friendless person. But I love animals and my siblings have comforted me when I have lost my baby cats. They didn't end up calling me daily. This relationship is waaaay too close. My spider sense is tingling.

7grendel writes:

This is the exact scenario where my husband cheated on me. They'd both insisted I could trust them, so I did. No surprises as to what happened...

Sources: Reddit
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