Man celebrates birthday with his family; wife angrily eats all his cake. AITA?

'AITA for eating my husband's entire birthday cake by myself?'

I'll preface this by saying that my husband's family and I don't get along, like AT ALL. We're rarely ever on good terms and for my mental health I decided to put distance between us. Especially after I was blamed for my most recent miscarriage (that happened 3 months ago).

My husband can still see and visit them whenever he wants. For me, I don't attend any of their events, not even Thanksgiving nor Christmas.

My husband's 30th birthday was 2 days ago. I planned to celebrate with him. I bought a cake and a gift, but he said that his family invited him to celebrate his birthday and he 'really really really' wanted to go because the birthday parties his family throw are like no others.

We had an argument over this, but he told me to wait for him until he finishes celebrating there with his family and then we could celebrate together at home and eat cake.

After he left I felt so terrible. I called him but he turned his phone off. I was so mad I took the cake and brought it to the living room and started eating from it. I ate the whole thingm not saving him a single piece (guess I was so angry and it made me hungry).

He came home and saw what I did and blew up saying I did this to be spitefu,l and to punish him for not 'ditching his family on his birthday' like 'I wanted him to'. I reminded him that I paid for the cake, but he called me petty and nuts.

He ranted and ranted, then said that he didn't get to eat cake at his parents house because lots of kids were there and he didn't get enough cake and what I did was 10 times worse.

He's been upset with me ever since. AITA?

Here's what people said in the comments:

Risheil writes:

NTA
What kind of person prioritizes, let alone SPEAKS to people that blamed his wife for miscarrying? These are horrible people; you are wise to avoid them and definitely deserved a whole cake while he deserved nothing.

Street_Passage_1151 writes:

'He can celebrate his birthday with whoever he wants'

Yes, that's the problem. He wanted to spend his birthday with the people who blamed his wife for a miscarriage. Like, that sucks. NTA

AdverseCereal writes:

Husband still wants to reap the benefits of his family's adoration of *him* while still having the love and respect of his wife, who they treat horribly.

OP, tell your husband he can't have his cake and eat it too!

laserox writes:

YTA. You say he can see his family any time he wants, but then when he wants to see them on His Birthday, you blow up about it? He even agreed to eat cake with you later (and sounds like he was thinking about your cake while with his family). What you did was extremely childish/selfish.

scpdavis writes:

Hard agree with this. The family sounds terrible, and personally, my partner not standing up for me in that situation would be a dealbreaker. That said, if the agreement is that he can visit them at leisure then this reaction to him seeing his family on his birthday is over the top.

OP, clearly you aren't ok with him spending time with his family so that's the conversation you need to have. Any sort of 'eye for an eye' dynamic in relationships is wildly unhealthy.

FrobisherLetters writes:

YTA. Your husband’s family has treated you poorly, but it was still his birthday and he should be able to celebrate it with them separately from you if that’s what he wants. He kept you informed of his plans and came home as intended to share cake with you to make sure he could also celebrate with his wife.

You threw a tantrum and ate an entire cake like a child. That’s embarrassing and really unfair to your husband.