'AITA for making my wife pay me for something she gave away?'
"AITA for making my wife pay me for something she gave away?"
My wife has a bad habit of giving away or lending out things that don’t belong to her. I’ve lost count of how many times I go to look for something of mine only for her to say she lent it to somebody. She also takes forever to get the item back, she once lent my stuff to a coworker and refused to ask for it back for a month.
And I’ll never forget the day my usually quiet, reserved son snapped at her for trying to give away his Nintendo switch. If I wasn’t also fed up with her behavior I would have washed his mouth out with soap. I’ve had countless talks with her but she continues to do this. My son and I have resorted to locking up anything we didn’t want touched which is something we shouldn’t have to do in our own home.
Last week I won a $300 tent in a raffle. I had no plans on using it so I was selling it. When I found a buyer and went to look for it I couldn’t find it. When I asked my wife she said she gave it to a friend of ours. I got mad at her and said she had no right to give it away. Her defense was since I didn’t spend money on it and was I planning on using it, it made sense to give it away for free.
I told her that wasn’t her decision to make but she just kept repeating herself. I had enough of this and said she’s either going to pay me herself or get the money from who she gave it to, and if she didn’t I’d get law enforcement involved. Since she rather die than ask a friend for money she paid me out of her own pocket. This issue eventually got around to her family.
While they did say she should have talked to me first they also reprimanded me for asking for payment. They reasoned that since I didn’t actually buy the tent I didn’t loose any money and it went to a friend who could actually put it to good use. I got several text saying I should be ashamed for extorting my wife for money.
I think I have every right to want to be paid for something of mines that was taken but every one keeps emphasizing the fact that I didn’t technically buy the tent and didn’t want it so I have nothing to be upset about. AITA?
Redditors had a lot to say about the dynamic.
Novel_Sky8624 wrote:
NTA. She absolutely shouldn’t have done that. What it sounds like is your family and friends don’t understand the magnitude of the situation. Of course they think it’s absurd because they don’t know that she does this all the time. You’re just finally fed up with and put your foot down. Honestly, sounds like you should’ve done that a while ago. How would she feel if her stuff just went missing?
Tell her she stops and if she doesn’t I would give her a taste of her own medicine. I would take things of hers and just give them away. Even if I just pretended I did just to prove a point. Sounds petty I know but she clearly isn’t getting it any other way.
sav575757 wrote:
NTA.
It's ridiculous that a boundary even needed to be set in the first place. It's basic human decently not to give away stuff that isn't yours.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT COST. If it doesn't 100% belong to her, then she has no right to unilaterally decide what happens to it. That is HUGELY disrespectful in any partnership or human interaction.
She wouldn't be happy if you gave away a seldom-used piece of her jewelry on the basis that it was gifted to her and therefore costed her nothing. Her generosity should not come at her loved-one's expense.
RoyallyOakie wrote:
NTA...she's stealing other people's items, and shows no remorse or intention to change her behaviour. If her relatives are so concerned, perhaps they should donate some funds to the cause. It's easy for them to reason on her behalf when it's not their stuff.
TheHobbyWaitress wrote:
NTA.
I'd start randomly giving away her shit. Start in her jewelry box.