'AITA for taking a particular job even though my husband disapproves?'
"AITA for taking a particular job even though my husband disapproves?"
I (25F) have been married to my husband (27M) for 2 years. When we first got married, we moved to a different city for his job (in tech - he's a software engineer). In our new city, I quickly found an entry-level job in the field I thought I wanted to work in (publishing).
However, I hated it - hated the office politics, long hours with relatively low pay, and found the work monotonous. I stuck it out for a year and a half to avoid being a job-hopper and to see if I could make it work, but then started applying to a variety of other jobs after nothing improved.
I had a few interviews but wasn't getting too far in the processes until recently, when I interviewed for an executive assistant job. The job seemed to be a great fit at every step - I really clicked with the executive I would be supporting, and liked everything about the company (which is stable and growing with no sign of layoffs like a lot of companies are going through right now).
The pay is great too - 50% more than my current job (would be going to 75K from 50K) with better benefits (more vacation, more robust insurance with lower cost). The new job would also be strictly 40 hours a week (with occasional paid overtime) as opposed to my current publishing job which often requires 10+ hour days and doesn't pay overtime.
When I discussed with my husband, he told me flat-out that although it's my career, he disagrees strongly with this move. He says that I'm going to get permanently stuck in the 'secretarial pool' and that it's not really a professional job that's appropriate for our life plan, and that he's going to be embarrassed by me and will think less of me.
The job is to serve as the assistant to the CEO/owner of a marketing/advertising agency, which is also a field I am very interested in learning more about - I mean I suppose you could debate the ethics of marketing/advertising, but it's not like it's doing something illegal or for a company/exec with a horrible reputation.
There is also definitely a path forward as the CEO said that those who do well in the assistant role for a year or two will have opportunities for promotion to account coordination/management roles.)
I told him I was sorry to disappoint him, but I'm really miserable in my current job and need to make a change and this is the best offer I have. Plus, I'm going to make more money for fewer hours so I'm not taking anything away from him or our household. So I accepted it and now he says I am an AH and is barely speaking to me.
Anyway, Reddit, AITA for taking a job that my husband finds inappropriate and embarrassing?
Info from OP:
He has been providing 75% of the financial support to my 25%, the new ratio would be 66.6% to 33.3%, but emotionally I am definitely putting in way more than him. I will think about our other goals and objectives as well and what he brings to the table other than his salary - I think it will be pretty eye-opening.
My new boss is a married straight woman (which my husband knows)! So I don't think it's about romantic jealousy.
My new boss actually just promoted her current EA to another position so there shouldn't be a danger of getting stuck! She typically promotes people within 2-3 years if they are interested and encourages the agency's other executives (VPs and whatnot) to promote their assistants in the same time frame.
During our argument, my husband actually said it would be better if I just went ahead and became a dancer because it would be equally embarrassing and at least I'd make more money.
My husband was really invested in me becoming a book editor specifically for the prestige factor, so switching to an EA position with a potential career in marketing/advertising doesn't align with his vision for us.
Here's how people judged OP:
bordennium writes:
NTA and man your husband sounds ugly. You really want to settle for a partner who told you that he’ll be embarrassed by you for taking a job that’s a better fit? Come on girl, you deserve way better than that. Your spouse is supposed to be your #1 fan, not your biggest critic.
Veteris71 writes:
He's afraid she'll have enough money to leave him. Just watch, once he realizes OP isn't going to cave and he's not getting his way, he's going to come up with ways to spend every penny of OP's pay increase, to make sure she can't accumulate any savings.
aggressively_0kay writes:
If you have a job and you're making more money than you were, what's the problem? I could see if you were taking a big pay cut, maybe. Also, there's a surprising amount of upward mobility that comes with being an executive assistant. You're husband definitely is, but you are NTA.
Final word from OP:
I'll admit that I've had a few thoughts of blindsiding him with divorce papers, then upon him expressing shock and hurt, I would say, 'But you said you didn't want to be married to 'some office bimbo,' which apparently I am in your estimation...so I'm making it easy on you.'
Of course, I wouldn't actually do that without more discussion and ideally an attempt at counseling, but it's tempting.
I do really wish my husband could be proud of me for moving my career forward and for securing a great new job and it's certainly a huge red flag that he not only isn't supportive, but is overtly hostile. I don't know how this all will go but I have definitely accepted the job and the fate of the marriage seems to be up in the air.