Man hides a tracker in his wife's car to catch her gambling. 'AITA?' UPDATED

"AITA for putting a tracker in my wife's car?"

Here's the original post:

Wife and I have been together for 25+years and she's always done the BINGO thing with her Mom. I have no problems with that and they've been doing it for years and years. Maybe once or twice a month, again, no problem.

Her Mom has always been a gambling addict and it cause the divorce of her first husband and she wiped out her second husbands bank account within a couple years. So I've always been a bit leery on the whole gambling thing. I've seen it destroy families. (her mom lives with us now)

(15yrs ago) I worked out of town/state a lot so she's always had control of our join banking account. My checks were auto-deposit so never really broke down our bills as I should have. After I kept pressuring her to tell me where all our money was going she broke down and told me she gambled it away at the casino. Slot machines. Big fight.

At that point I got a separate checking account so at least the bills would be paid on time. I make a bit more than she does but I pay most of the bills and am still able to save up money every month. This has never been sustainable though since any surprise bills (we have 2 teen kids) it's always me that pays for them. She is broke every month.

When we were going over our tax returns it turned out she owned $6k in taxes all from the casino. We went over the whole gambling / financial problems again and she shook my hand and promised that she would stop.

Fast forward a few months I bought a tracker online. One that I could put on my tractor (I let friends borrow it and want to keep track of it in case it gets stolen) and the kids car since they're turning 16 soon I wanted to keep track of them.

I had the tracker for a few weeks and decided to try it out one day. I threw it in the console of my wifes car just to see how the app works. She took off with her mom before I could tell her and she texted me they were heading out shopping. Well, they went straight to the casino instead. I wasn't mad but was definitely concerned.

I felt guilty for "spying" on my wife so I took it out and never said anything. However curiosity killed the cat and I threw it back in her car a few weeks later. This time on purpose and hidden.

It's been a couple months and they've been at the casino at least twice a week. Not the BINGO hall but the actual casino. I confronted her again today when she asked for money for kids gymnastics. I asked her how her gambling issue was going and she denied shes back to gambling.

I gave her many outs and she wouldn't admit it. So I then told her about the tracker. Now she's furious that I tracked her and said threw out the D word. Sorry, this post is all over the place and I'm super nervous. We've been together for 25+ years and I'm freaking out.

Do you think he was wrong for this?

Most commenters sided with the husband. Here are some of the top comments:

namesaretoohardforme said:

NTA. The only shocker is that she was the one who brought up divorce, since I doubt she wants to lose her personal ATM. Your wife needs help that you aren't equipped or trained to give.

SunshineShoulders87 said:

NTA - man, I came in here ready to throw the Y T A at you, but what you really need to be concerned about is how many loans could be out under your name and whether you know about all the life insurance policies. A gambling addict is serious business and I’m not at all kidding when I say you need to check those things out and start protecting yourself.

HighlyImprobable42 said:

NTA. Your wife is stealing from your kids, from your family. Where is the gymnastics money? Where are the savings for emergencies? For me, this is a deal breaker.

The lying and squandering won't stop. She could put you into the gutter and it won't stop. If you value yourself and your kids' future, boot MIL out and demand wife get some much needed help. Otherwise, D word back.

OP then shared this comment to clear up some info:

My wife and two daughters already track each other on their iphones. They always know where everyone is at except for me since my phone is a shitty android that doesn't connect with their phones. I work construction so my phones don't last long. I just replace it because it's cheap and I don't need anything fancy.

The tracker I bought was just for tracking the vehicle(s) if they were stolen or if something bad happened and my wife couldn't contact them through their phones. And yes I would have told them it was in there.

Yes, I should have confronted her about it the day I was testing out the tracker. HUGE mistake and it led me to being a "creeper". I can't deny that part. I think I was just hoping it was a one-off white lie and not a normal thing.

And then, a day after his original post, he shared this update:

Welp. We had the fight. At first it was mostly her on the attack for all the things I do wrong that pushes her to the casino. I expected this, and was able to turn it back around and keep the focus on the gambling.

Long story short, lots of crying and opening up. I told her that she was the one person in this world that I trust the most and she's also the one person that lies to me the most. That was the breaking point and a long vulnerable discussion about where we are in our marriage and where it's going began. It's been a long time since we've had one of those.

She has agreed to open up her finances so we can figure out what to do there. I have no idea how much we're in debt yet but it sounds like quite a bit. Hopefully it's manageable. Were going to see a marriage counselor and she also agreed to go to a gambling addiction counselor.

MIL is probably moving out. Granted this is just the beginning and who knows what will happen down the road but it's a start. I'm pretty exhausted, we'll see how things are tomorrow.

Thank you all for the opinions and advice. I'll try to read them tomorrow. I guess I don't care if I was the @$$hole anymore. It had to be done and I have no regrets.

What do you think?