'AITA for telling my wife I won't be around her sister after she purposely humiliated me?'
"AITA for telling my wife I won't be around her sister after she purposely humiliated me?"
My wife and I (both 31) have been married five years, together for seven. Her sister hates my guts, plain and simple. She's quite literally the sister from the Sonic movie, she rarely has a conversation with my wife that doesn't include her telling her to leave me. She's said it's because I'm a boring loser with nothing going for me (accurate) and she could do so much better.
It's always been like this, and I gave up trying to fix it after we got married. She's done stuff like give my wife $500 in front of me 'In case you need to get out' and asking to come to visit, only to change her mind when she finds out I'm home. I just ignore it or avoid her, but things came to a head recently.
SIL was hosting a cookout, and of course we were invited. It was all going fine, most of my in-laws don't hate me, so I mostly just chatted with my FIL and his old man friends. The food was done, and I ask where we should sit, she tells us 'Sis you can sit right there' points to me and says 'You aren't sitting at my table, and you aren't eating my food, take a hint.'
Most of the others were just confused, but I was done. I asked my wife if we could go, she agreed, and we went home. The morning after when I'd had a chance to cool off a bit, I told her I'm never going anywhere that her sister is ever again. That woman hates me, the feeling is very mutual, and I'm sick of pretending otherwise.
My wife said she understood, and even showed me the texts from an argument she'd had with her the night before, but thinks I'm overdoing it. She knows her sister is being insane, and she agrees that this needs to stop, but she thinks this is the wrong way to go about it. She pointed out that when we have kids (We're trying) she'll be their aunt, and we shouldn't deny them that.
I'm willing to be cordial with my SIL for our future kids' sake, but not if I'm going to be humiliated like that. She thinks I should just let her make her sister apologize and move on, but I'm fed up.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
HurricaneBells wrote:
NTA. Your wife and her sister are though. I wouldn't let my sister do this to my husband a 2nd time let alone continue to let her for 7 years without consequence.
Icy_Curmudgeon wrote:
NTA but your wife is. She is the one that needs to draw the line with her sister. She needs to lay down the boundaries that her sister isn't allowed to cross. She has not got your back. While she agrees that her sister is nuts, she wants to continue to have a 'normal' relationship with someone that attacks you remorselessly and she also wants your kids to have a relationship with 'crazy.'
What about any of that is reasonable? You both need marriage counseling to sort out your communication, boundaries and expectations going forward. You should not be fending off the wicked witch. That is your wife's job and she is leaving you to fend for yourself over 'family.'
Right now, you should both be NC with your SIL for the foreseeable future. Ask your wife, who is the higher priority, you or her sister? If you are, why does she not treat you like you are #1? And if her sister, why are you still there?
Itchy-Abalone-6639 wrote:
NTA. And what happens when you have kids? Auntie going to tell them their daddy is a loser? And why do you think that's accurate? This woman is actively trying to sabotage your marriage. Your wife should be more offended than you are in my humble opinion. I'd never be okay with someone like that possibly being around my kids when she could abuse them because they're probably losers just like dad!
holygreenjellybean wrote:
NTA. My husband wouldn't even have to ask to leave if a hosting family member of mine said that to him, I would have already been out the door with him.
OK_LK wrote:
NTA and I believe your biggest problem is your wife. She should be putting your SIL in her place and standing up for you. She should be setting boundaries. Why does she think it's OK for her sister to keep treating you this way, both in private and in public?
Her point about her being your future kids' aunt is appalling. She honestly believes you should suck up the abuse to not jeopardise her SIL:s relationship with people who don't even exist?! Insane.
Also, what if SIL takes a dislike to her niece and/or nephew when they are born? Will you and your wife stand by and let her abuse them too? You need to set your own boundaries not just with SIL but also with your wife. She needs to realise how much this is hurting you. Stick up for yourself, you deserve it.