Managing depression requires a lot of energy, ironically - when you have the least. Small rituals can be a major balm during times that feel like a slog.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for telling his partner he felt let down by the way she handled their pizza date. He wrote:
I (38m) have been struggling lately with mild depression. Stress at work, a cranky toddler, and some drama among my friend group have worn me a little thin the last few months, all the while I've been on a weight loss journey (down 85lbs!) so feeling some additional stress from reduced calories and moderating some of what we're my go-to favorite foods.
This past weekend, while talking with my wife (37f) I shared my stress and she asked what would help. I told her "honestly just having pizza one night this week would cheer me up." I said it half-heartedly, but we both agreed it would be a great little pick me up, so we planned it out. I was told I got to pick where we got the pizza from and what kind of pizza to get (I was pumped).
Anyway, I picked the place and she agreed. We were gonna run a quick grocery trip then hit the pizza place (on the same street as the grocery store) right after. As we're leaving the grocery store, she said she needed to go home to prepare a dish for her staff Thanksgiving the next day and that going to the place I selected would keep us out longer than she wanted.
I agreed to just head home and order from a more local shop that delivers to our home. We got home and I was browsing the menu and each time I pick something, I was told why we shouldn't get it. One pizza had mushrooms on it (I love, she hates them), so I pivoted. The next one was a Buffalo chicken pizza, but she will only do a pizza with red sauce. We went down the list and I started to feel kinda defeated.
She's picky, but 11 years into this thing, I've come to work around it 99% of the time I wasn't mad at her, I was kinda bummed that this thing that she suggested we do to cheer me up turned from me picking the place and the pizza, to her changing the restaurant and choosing what we got. In the interest of peace, told her she could order what she wanted and I would just eat leftovers from the fridge.
She ordered her pizza and I ate the leftovers. Anyway, we talked later in the evening and I shared my disappointment. I shared I was let down that my plans got dismissed, but that I wasn't mad at her, just hurt that this "thing for me" became a "thing for her." This is a conversation we've had a few times about a few different occurrences of this happening.
After I shared how I felt, she told me I should have told her that I didn't want to go home and that I didn't want the pizza she wanted (which I kinda feel I did when I picked the place and picked the pizza, both of which got vetoed) Anyway, long story short, AITA for feeling that my wife hijacked what was supposed to be something for me, or should I have pushed back more?
UPDATE: I've gotten a lot of feedback on going 1/2 and 1/2 in the pie. The issue there is she won't eat a pizza unless it's red sauce, so we couldn't split 1/2 red sauce, 1/2 a different type of sauce. She also wasn't a fan of toppings she didn't like being only on half the pizza cause she didn't want to have to pick off any that may be on a slice she picks.
NTA - my heart sank for you when I read this part: “she ordered her pizza and I ate the leftovers”. You two planned out the pizza dinner to cheer you up. Simple request, easy to accommodate.
Then she suddenly and last minute realizes that she doesn’t have time to do that with you because she needs to make Thanksgiving food for her coworkers. Poor planning and difficult to believe it was a simple accident. Then she vetoed every suggestion for pizza toppings you offered until she got exactly what she wanted. I would be upset too.
NTA but maybe next time, instead of one large pizza, get two small ones.
NTA. Your wife is inconsiderate and definitely did make this special thing for you all about her. Also…If you were the wife in this situation, there wouldn’t be so many “E S H” answers lol. Just saying.
NTA. But you need to learn to go on an ego trip for small wishes like a pizza. Go out for a pizza on your own one day and put your phone on silence when you do it. Eat whatever you like and be happy about it. Then go home. Or order home a pizza for you. If she dictates what kind of pizza it should be and from where, tell her "fine, order one for yourself, this is for me."
NTA. For the record, I don't think she is a monster in any way, and it's good that you expressed yourself, but she does need some practice in active listening. I think your feelings are valid and you expressed them in a very mature way.
OP is NTA here, his wife needs to see the big picture.