I (26f) am married to “bill” (30m). We are expecting our first child together in three weeks but I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship.
To put it lightly Bill has no filter whatsoever. It’s extremely annoying at times since I’m someone that over thinks everything and will go over what I’m about to say 10 times before it leaves my mouth to make sure it’s not rude, he thinks there might be something wrong with him because he doesn’t understand social cues and is pretty awkward but won’t get it checked or anything.
Today I went for an appointment and they did a 4d ultrasound because they haven’t been able to see his face lately due to him always sucking his thumb. I’ve never had a 4d ultrasound before and was so excited to see my baby.
Of course like all 4d ultrasounds the baby looked like a crisp lasagna when you don’t know what you’re looking at but still cute and exciting seeing your baby and all their facial features for the first time. I got home and waited for Bill to come home so I could show him the photos and videos.
I have him sit down and I clicked on the best clearest photo we got to show him first (a few photos he had his hand up or was at a bad angle or the umbilical cord was giving him a handlebar mustache) he looks at the photo and I’m pointing out there’s his eyes and nose and mouth etc and the first thing out of his mouth is “wow he’s ugly.”
Immediately I get mad, lock my phone and refuse to show him any other photos. He asked if that was the only photo I got and I said “no I got more but why tf would I show them to you if you’re just going to sit there and call my baby ugly?
I was so excited to show you these and you’ve completely ruined the moment because you don’t know how to shut your damn mouth” he looked shocked that I was mad and said it’s fair game because I call the baby names all the time (when I’m in a ton of pain I will say things like “this little sh*t won’t get out of my ribs”).
I told him it was completely different and he claims it’s not and he should be allowed to call the baby ugly and also said hopefully that’s not how he’ll look when he comes out.
I just refused to show him any more photos and told him to get out of the room. He’s mad that I won’t show him the rest and still doesn’t understand why I’m upset. I am pregnant so maybe it’s just hormones getting to me so AITA? Did I overreact or is he just an idiot?
1. “Is he on the spectrum” We don’t know. He and I have both stated that might be the case but he refuses to get tested because he’s scared he might be. I understand this is an issue but I can’t force him to go. I’ve encouraged him as much as I can and as often as I can but he doesn’t want to get a diagnosis.
2. “He was joking” unfortunately he was not. I poked fun at these types of ultrasounds in my post. I can joke around about it easily the problem is he did not say it in any slight amount of a joking away it was “wow he’s ugly” 100% serious and matter a fact. This was a final straw moment for me because I’ve been on him for the past two weeks about his comments like that about people others. He’s been saying very shallow judgmental things and I don’t think it’s right
3. “You shouldn’t call the baby ‘my baby’ it’s both of yours” I understand where you’re coming from but there’s a reason I called him my baby. We got married agree we wanted to try for a baby and tried for several months, this was not a surprise and we both decided we wanted a baby. After I got pregnant any single little “ow” “that was uncomfortable”
“I’m throwing up blood from all this morning sickness” or anything that wasn’t just absolute praise to the baby I was to “well you wanted this” every time. I explained how much I didn’t like him saying that because it sounds like I’m the only one that wants the baby and he doesn’t give a shit and still says it.
We “compromised” and as a running joke now I call him “my baby because I’m the one that wanted him” when talking about the baby Bill will often say “my boy” or our baby I never corrected him or have ever said no it’s my baby not yours because it’s not that serious but that’s why I said “my baby” in the post
4. A ton of comments are saying I’m tah because “babies are ugly” if you can look your excited pregnant wife in the eyes as she’s expressing her joy over seeing the baby that you guys will be holding in just a few short weeks and respond with its ugly then you are the problem
there’s a million other things you can say and now after I give birth on what should be an amazing moment I’m going to be scared that he’s going to say that again instead of focusing on my baby I’m going to worry if my husband is thinking the baby’s ugly. Luckily thanks to some lovely redditors I have the comeback “he looks just like you” in my pocket now.
I’ve answered a lot in the comments please just look for my replies but I wanted to point out that I wasn’t a joke, I said my baby for a reason, and he might be on the spectrum but refuses to get tested. I didn’t show him the rest of the photos because I showed him the best one you could see his face and chubby cheeks perfectly it didn’t look creepy or weird.
So if he could look at the best picture and say eww why would I show him the rest that have his hand in the way or shot a bad angle? There’s no point in me having to get my feelings repeatedly hurt just so he can see photos that are considered mess ups anyway
NAH - if you were upset by what he said, I can understand why you wouldn’t want to show him more. But, let’s be honest, those photos are creepy AF.
One_Appearance245 OP responded:
I have seen a handful that are extremely creepy that’s why I wasn’t going to pay for a 4d ultrasound but they did it for free and I got a good laugh out of the umbilical cord handlebar mustache one.
I’d be pushing him to get a diagnosis for what is an obvious problem. Blurting out hurtful and stupid things can damage people, like your kids later on. Also when I saw my granddaughter on her 3D ultrasound I was appalled at her horribly large nose. It was half her face. Luckily it was normal after all, but I kept my horror to myself. Your husband needs to learn that trick. NTA
Why did you have a baby with this guy?
One_Appearance245 OP responded:
Lots of things have changed since getting married.
Anytime someone claims they have no filter, and they hold a job? They're lying. Because they don't blurt that kind of stuff out in front of customers or their boss.
Regardless, it sounds like you two might need couple counseling bc this is all a little petty. But overall, you're NTA for being mad about him insulting your (as in both of you) baby.