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Man snaps at pregnant wife after long day, 'stop whining and being paranoid.' UPDATED.

Man snaps at pregnant wife after long day, 'stop whining and being paranoid.' UPDATED.


Pregnancy is an incredibly hard experience to go through, and nothing can truly prepare you for the whirlwind of growing a baby.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for snapping at his pregnant wife and telling her to stop whining. He wrote:

"AITA for snapping at my pregnant wife, telling her to stop whining?"

My (30M) wife (25) is pregnant with our first child. Her parents moved to Canada in July. It had stressed her out so much because she is very close to her family. But it got way better when we got to know of her pregnancy. Recently, I've been really busy with work but I always make sure to spend as much time with her as possible.

Things went really smooth for entire first trimester. After the second trimester started, her anxiety is higher than ever. She tells me she feels weird and very uneasy at the thought of veins and blood vessels of our baby growing inside of her, she sees veins and blood vessels when she closes her eyes and it makes her really sick. She has also been puking a lot lately.

And she always says that when she pukes hard, she thinks the baby will suffocate inside of her and when she tries to sleep, she is always afraid that she will roll onto her stomach and the baby will explode. Things are fine physically. We've had two check-ups done in the last 10 days. I told her to take it easy and try to relax her mind. Divert it with shopping or something.

I also tried really hard to spend more time with her but my busy schedule is not allowing that and I am trying to get things done so when the baby arrives, I can stay home to look after them both. She has also been telling me every day that she really misses her parents and she feels very lonely. Every day, I go home and she has same things to say.

I am not complaining, but sometimes I'm exhausted after a long day and just want to rest a bit. Recently, I had a really rough day and when I got home, she was upset that I'm late and started to complain about how I am being so insensitive when I know how lonely she already feels and still don't try enough to be there for her. We got into an argument. It was our first argument in months and things got heated.

I ended up telling her she needs to stop whining and being paranoid all the time. And if she really misses her parents this much, she can go see them in Canada. She told me that she actually would if her doctor had not restricted her from traveling until delivery and she is sorry for bothering me so much.

I knew right there that I messed up big time so I apologized immediately but things haven't been the same since. She is distant and quiet now and I feel so awful. Maybe I was too harsh and I could do a lot better in that situation or just kept my mouth shut. AITA?

Redditors had lots of thoughts about the exchange.

SaccharineHuxley wrote:

Psychiatrist here. I will not play around with a judgment because of the seriousness of this. Get her to the doctor. This level of symptoms needs medical attention. Not a trip to the mall. Do not downplay how serious this anxiety is.

The jump from anxiety to paranoia and then to impaired reality testing (psychosis) is very much a risk and early intervention makes the safety risk MUCH easier to mitigate. Her health and the health of your developing child depend on it.

ornearly wrote:

‘I told her to take it easy and try to relax her mind. Divert it with shopping or something’….the way my eyes rolled SO HARD. Good lord YTA. This poor poor woman having a baby with you.

EmpressofMankind1998 wrote:

YTA. I can understand that things seem absurd and you're stressed with all sorts of factors. But you were unnecessarily callous to your wife. I personally think she needs to see some sort of therapist. I don't know if there's some directly related to pregnancy/baby things. But she could use some serious counseling and reassurances from a professional to soothe her extra anxiety.

It's reasonable to be anxious especially since it's her first. But the things you describe also sound similar to a hypochondriac. Besides therapy/consoling maybe see if her mother could schedule a visit to her? Maybe see how she feels about having someone like a midwife? Or doula around to talk and bond with to support her through the pregnancy.

Dense-Passion-2729 wrote:

YTA “just stop thinking about it” sounds like “just stop telling me about it” - support your wife- help her get some support in the form of a therapist and maybe some maternity groups to make some friends and talk about her anxieties with people who understand. She’s tired, nauseous, anxious, and overwhelmed- help her do these things!

After receiving a lot of criticism, OP jumped on with an update.

Edit: I have booked an appointment with a therapist. We are going tomorrow. I know I already should have done that a couple of weeks ago and feel like terrible for not doing so. I really appreciate all the comments, I really needed to hear this all in order to realize how seriously my wife is suffering and I was so blind to it. I have a lot of making up to do but first I need to get her the medical help she needs.

And about getting her mom to visit, it's not possible for some reasons, not for a few more months. And we have no other family near us that can visit so I will try my level best to stay home with her as much as I can.

Luckily, this is a situation where OP seems very open to the feedback he's received.

Sources: Reddit
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