Man snaps at wife who doesn't work or do housework, 'you're entitled and have it too easy.'

There are small couple fights that grow out of passing moments of frustration, and then there are big, relationship-changing blowouts.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for telling his wife she's entitled and has it too easy. He wrote:

"AITA for telling my wife that she’s entitled and has it too easy?"

I (M48) and my wife Anne (F47) live by ourselves; our kids have both moved out. I’m the breadwinner and Anne the SAHM; now she’s the housewife after our youngest moved out last year. What’s changed is that she says she’s ‘owed’ for raising our kids and taking care of the household.

She wants more personal time, less work around the house, and so I’ve basically taken over almost all the housework, cooking three meals, cleaning the house. I’m still working a full-time job, and I never slacked on chores that I did, such as the gardening, hard-lifting, etc., and I was never an absent father.

I bore with it for the past year, but she’s gotten more abusive, outright berating me in front of the kids when they visit that I’m only good for my strength and don’t think about the household at all, while she is doing less of the household work. It’s gotten to the point that I just want to relax in the car for a good solid minute because I only know there’s a long list of things to do.

Last night, she went out with her friends, while I slept early for work. This morning, I looked for the car keys for over 30 minutes, which were not in the drawer we always put them in. I woke her up to ask where she put, and she just grumbled at me to find them myself before going back to sleep. I ended up finding it in her handbag and got to work late.

I got home today to her screaming at me for invading her privacy by going through her handbag. I tried to tell her that she told me to find them myself, but she kept cutting me off saying I should have known better than to dig through her personal belongings. That she has rights, and I should respect them and to wait for her to wake before getting her to find the keys herself.

It was when she said she didn’t care if I was late to work that I lost it. Her exact line was, “It’s not like we’re needing that stupid money anymore.” I yelled back at her that she was entitled and selfish, and that the only reason she’s able to enjoy her current time is because of my stupid money.

That she’s been having it far too easy the past year, and if she wanted to see what she’s owed, she can go back to either working, or doing all the chores she’s dumped on me.Anne was shell-shocked that I yelled back at her. The rest of the night was quiet, and she locked herself in our bedroom and hasn’t come out. I’ve called our kids, and told them what happened.

My daughter agrees with me, but son says that I may have been too harsh to call her entitled, and implied that I undermined her efforts all those years as a SAHM. They’re going to take turns calling Anne, but I now wonder if I may have been overboard with yelling at her about taking it too easy.

Daughter has suggested couple therapy, and said that she’s going to suggest it to Anne as well. I’m more than willing to do so, as today’s encounter made me reflect that I’m getting extremely tired and weary of this life.

Redditors had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

DahDebil wrote:

NTA. Get your affairs in order. If you still love this woman, get counseling. Regardless, start separating money NOW! A divorce is GOING to cut you in half. Getting living expenses if she empties your bank account and bails? PRETTY DAMN HARD!

Get copies of all pertinent documents. Mortgage, passport, savings, car title, insurance. Take control of all accounts, or at the BARE MINIMUM instruct them that all changes must take both of your PRESENCE, not signature!!

"She wouldn't do that!"
Yes, she would.
"We have problems... but.."
Case A, Case B, Case C (etc etc). Expect the best, prepare for the worst.

According-Step-5433 wrote:

NTA. Your wife sounds...messed up. Something is very wrong. This is the time, when both of you should be enjoying your life together. Something is wrong. She's either having a midlife crisis or an affair. Find out.

AdaptableAilurophile wrote:

NTA. Why is your wife “owed” for taking care of the house etc if you also worked and did chores? It sounds like she feels the labor of division was uneven. Regardless, if the distribution of work needed to be changed that should have been a conversation, not a dumping of tasks on you.

It is never acceptable to berate your partner or be ab*sive. You shouldn’t have lost your temper but it was in response to the situation which has become increasingly difficult. Your wife is not being reasonable. It sounds like you both need to discuss this. Perhaps with a professional, impartial mediator.

TheRunningMD wrote:

Absolutely NTA. Her being a SAHM does not stop when kids leave. The full household responsibilities still need to be split between you two and if you are working, she should absolutely be taking most or all of the other responsibilities. She is currently free riding you and is being extremely selfish.

mendoza8731 wrote:

NTA. I was a stay at home mom for most of my marriage. My children are adults & have both moved out. I would never behave this way towards my husband. I’m so blessed to be married to him. He’s been an amazing father and husband. I’m not raising children every day anymore but he’s still working every day. He’s getting ready to work a 6 day stretch. Most days will be 12-16 hour days.

He hasn’t complained once. I get up with him at 4am to make his breakfast & pack his lunch. Then my day is done. If the house is clean, which it usually is, I can go back to bed & sleep until noon or go to lunch with friends or binge watch Netflix. How could I ever complain that he’s not doing enough for me? You really need to have a serious conversation with your wife. Something has changed.

I hope she’s not cheating. Good luck. I can’t work right now because I’m getting ready to have another back surgery. Just in case anyone was wondering why I’m not working right now.

OP is NTA here, if anything, he's facing a painful crossroads moment in his marriage.