Man gets in accident, asks to see daughter before wife; she's 'extremely hurt.'
AITA for 'calling my husband out' for choosing to see his daughter and not me after he got out of surgery?
I 33.F have been with my husband 37.M 'Ryan' for 3 years, he has a 15 year old daughter from his previous marriage that he shares custody of.
He got involved in a car accident 2 weeks ago and had to undergo a surgery that was scheduled days earlier. No one else beside me was at the hospital and I remember waiting there for him for hours. After he was cleared for visitation he actually requested to see his daughter.
I was confused because she wasn't even there yet he wanted to see her before anyone else though I was there waiting for hours, while his daughter just...happened to get there on time for a visit (her mom brought her to him)
She stayed there for the entirety of the visit and I was only allowed to go in withim the last 10 minutes of the visit, I didn't say anything though I was extremely hurt but I figured he was on medication then he wasn't completely aware but knew I was there first and still had my stepdaughter go in first.
I brought it up with him later and opened up to him about how I felt when he didn't want to see me first and he told me that his request to see his daughter first was a no brainer and that if he was about to die he'd still choose to see her first.
I told him how dismissive and inconsiderate that was of him since I literally was there the whole time and he ignored that and he was actually shocked that I made a big deal out of it and was 'guilting' him for being doing something instictly while on meds like wanting to see his daughter.
He clearly misunderstood my point and my argument but still insisted I was being ridiculous for trying to 'call him out' on it as if he was asking to see his ex and told me to get over it which was incredibly hurtful of him.
It's just the lack of appreciation amd recognition I got after waiting on him for hours feeling worried and anxious just for him to have his daughter in there first and making me wait again.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Complicated_Disaster writes:
NTA - Like WTF? You were already there and waiting but he wanted to wait to see his daughter first?? That doesn't even make any sense.
Jessica-Duke3465 OP responded:
I don't know why. He just asked to see her alone.
QueenYamma writes:
YTA. Your children always come first and are always your first priority. Your husband is correct that it is a no-brainer.
Obviously a minor cannot spend as much time as an adult waiting at the hospital, and why would she? He asked for her when he was able to see her and then she came. Sheesh, 'I was there first', are you 5?
If you want to stay in this relationship (or any with a parent) you better shape up and accept, as an adult, that his children are more important than you. That does NOT mean you are unimportant, but it means graciously taking a step back and put someone else's needs before your own.
Yes I’m a mom of two if I was in a car accident and my fiancé was there with me and I woke up scared thinking I was about to die I would want to see my kids first. He would understand because he has kids too and definitely would do the same and I wouldn’t get mad about it. People like her have to stop marrying people with kids if they want to put first for EVERYTHING.
Mantisfactory writes:
If I were dating a parent and they were in an accident, I would definitely be sitting at the hospital waiting for them to wake up. And when their first request upon waking up is to see their kid(s), I would go immediately fetch them without the slightest hint of concern or hesitation.
[deleted] writes:
yes! YES YES!!! I would even be keeping in touch with them to let them know if I have heard anything! I really cannot believe OP
QueenYamma writes:
YTA. Your children always come first and are always your first priority. Your husband is correct that it is a no-brainer.
Obviously a minor cannot spend as much time as an adult waiting at the hospital, and why would she? He asked for her when he was able to see her and then she came. Sheesh, 'I was there first', are you 5?
If you want to stay in this relationship (or any with a parent) you better shape up and accept, as an adult, that his children are more important than you. That does NOT mean you are unimportant, but it means graciously taking a step back and put someone else's needs before your own.