'AITA for telling my wife she can't say what I do with my money if she has no income?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my wife she can't dictate what I do with my money if she doesn't bring in any income?"
I (38m) pay all the expenses of the house (food, utilities ect.) and my wife is a stay at home mom. While I was packing my kids' lunches, I told her that I'm thinking about getting a new car since mine is almost 20 years old.
She told me I shouldn't buy things I don't need even though I have more than enough to afford it. I told her a car is a necessity since I have an hour commute everyday but she insisted that I don't get a new car.
After a while of back and forth I asked her why she cared so much if I have more than enough money and she responded with "you won't have as much money to spend on me and the kids." That really set me off since she didn't work I did a lot of the chores around the house.
I told her she has no say what I do with my money since she brings in no income and doesn't help much around the house. She said she did almost everything around the house which was a complete lie. As of right now I make sure the kids get to school on time and make sure they do their homework and most of the house chores.
The only thing she really does is cook and clean the kitchen. We have a lawn service for outdoor maintenance but she wants me to cancel that and do it myself to save money as well.
Ever since that argument shes been ignoring me and I feel I may have overstepped a little bit, AITA?
Here's what commenters had to say about the situation:
hirdtryisthecharm says:
ESH. Pretty sure she is the bigger problem. But neither of you seem to be acting like a team.
sky7897 says:
But he is definitely pulling his weight. Her saying he won’t have enough money to spend on “her” and the kids revealed her true intentions. She doesn’t want to contribute to the marriage.
CatchMeIfYouCan09 says:
NTA ... You work AND do most the cleaning? She's lazy and needs to get a job, especially since the kids are in school all day. Get you a new car!!!
shammy_dammy says:
I'll give this one to you....the idea of you having to do an hour commute in an elderly car is hilariously bad. The fact she thinks this is okay is way out of bounds. NTA
Nervous-Jury3715 says:
NTA because of her statement on you spending less on her and the kids. A 20 year old car starts becoming a hazard and she’s not being realistic that an upgrade needs to happen for vehicle safety.
If the all kids are in school everyday why can’t she get a part time job so there’s more money for her and the kids? That way maybe the payments from the car wouldn’t affect your family income as much.
Conscious_Mission400 says:
NTA unfortunately you are just an ATM to her. Hope you signed a prenup.
UPDATE:
I talked to her about her needing to do more chores around the house if she doesn't want to work but she said that wasn't fair because she always did only the kitchen so I don't really know what to do anymore.
How much say should a spouse have over what their partner, the breadwinner, spends their money on? Let us know what you think.