Man won't replace wife's hat after it blows away. 'It's your fault it didn't fit.'

People pleasing usually comes from a place of genuinely wanting everyone to be happy. But ironically, trying too hard to not be a bother can majorly backfire.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for telling his wife he won't replace her birthday gift that she "destroyed" with her people-pleasing. He wrote:

"AITA for telling my wife I will not replace her birthday gift that she destroyed with her silly people-pleasing?"

My wife loves the show Yellowstone and she has lots of relatives that farm and ranch. She, however, is a city girl. For her birthday I decided to blow a wad of cash on something useless. I bought her a cowboy hat. A very expensive cowboy hat. From a place that does custom fitting. I got myself one as well and I got it fitted to my big melon.

It fits perfectly and is actually really comfortable and useful. I can understand why they are working hats. My wife was asked by the salesperson if her hat fit. She said yes. I told her to get it fitted so it would be perfect. The salesperson said it was no problem. My wife said that it for really well and did not need any extra attention.

It blew into the ocean when we took a whale-watching tour. She said she wanted to go back to the store to replace it. I asked her if her budget could handle it. She is mad at me now for not replacing it. I don't think I should have to spend more money because she "hates being a bother" and making people do their job.

People were honest in the comments.

vmarnar wrote:

NTA. You bought her a wonderful gift and she has the opportunity to tell them it didn’t fit. I’m a people pleaser, but your wife needs to understand that it blew away because it didn’t fit because she didn’t say anything. She can’t expect you to buy her a new one, especially if it was expensive.

jonjohn23456 asked a crucial question:

INFO, do you know if your wife understood that a hat “fitting” means that wind won’t blow it off your head? Because I didn’t. I don’t usually wear hats but if a hat was tight enough on my head it wouldn’t blow off from a gust of wind I would say it was too tight and didn’t fit.

She probably felt that it was comfortable so it fit. I’m not saying that she should get another hat if you don’t have the money, but you are being kind of a jerk about it.

And OP answered the comment, without really answering the question:

If you get your hat fitted you can, for example, ride 3,000 pounds of angry steak without it falling off.

imtchogirl wrote:

I mean. Hats being too tight is uncomfortable. And it makes sense to wear a cheap baseball hat or a waterproof hat with a chin strap to a whale watching because the ocean is very windy. It's just not the time to have a huge brim for the wind to pick up. You really don't see a lot of regular sailors wearing cowboy hats.

She made an expensive mistake, but the mistake was wearing the $600 hat on a boat. Her hat may have fit her head exactly as she liked it. You really don't seem to respect her very much? I don't know. It was a mistake. Just forgive her. If you don't have the money to replace it, then, that's that. NAH.

ChonkButt510 wrote:

You're being an AH over it. Also, you took her birthday as an opportunity to buy yourself a present. Maybe for your birthday, she can buy herself another cowboy hat. YTA for being a jerk about it. You don't have to buy her another hat, though.

shereadsinbed wrote:

Your wife sounds like she frequently has to deal with someone who's really picky and hard to please, and has developed some coping mechanisms. You might want to think about the part you play in this picture.

nerdiecraft wrote:

I think you're missing the big picture in this. I first thought NTA, but as I'm reading some of your comments and responses, I'm leaning to YTA. As a woman and a people pleaser, from the city, if the hat fits good and I don't know any better, I would think that I didn't need a fitting either. The activity, whale watching, that's a breezy environment, and any hat could have been blown away.

Mistakes and accidents happen, and it's our responses that can make it worse. I don't think your wife is upset about not spending more money on a hat, it's the callousness of your response to her. She knows the value of the gift, and you being snarky about not getting it fitted just made it worse. And that's where YTA.

While there's not a fully unanimous consensus (at the time of writing this), it looks like the verdict is leaning towards OP being TA.