Man asks if he's wrong to not split HOA rebate with wife; she wants half.
'AITA I don’t want to split the rebate I receive from being on the Board of Director’s of my HOA with my wife?'
Wife and I own a home in an HOA. We split the mortgage and HOA fee 50/50. Recently a vacancy opened up on the Board of Directors and I applied for it and was chosen to serve.
As compensation, the HOA fee ($400) is waived for our unit. My wife wants to split this windfall 50/50. I feel since I’m on the Board and do all the work, the $400 should be all mine. She thinks if I keep the $400 it’s tantamount to her paying me $200 since our overall housing costs have dropped $400 but she doesn’t benefit financially.
This has caused some of our worst fighting and I am leaning towards just giving in and splitting the money even though I do all the work. Am I the a**hole?
Here's what people had to say:
LarkspurSong writes:
Well someone certainly sounds like they’ve got a an itty bitty chip on their shoulder. So what’s the real problem here? You seriously need that extra $200 a month for yourself so badly, or do you just not want your wife to benefit from the “work” you do for the HOA?
If it’s the second one, I think you may need to re-examine your definition of marriage and partnership as it appears to be a little warped.
NorthEazy OP responded:
Do you hand over half your check to your spouse?
newdecadenewme writes:
YES! That’s what marriage is! You’re money and her money all belongs to BOTH of you equally!
NorthEazy OP responded:
So you win a few hundred bucks on the football game and you hand half to her?
boatsmoatsfloats writes:
Ok, you going to start paying her for all the emotional labour and mental load work she takes on for the household? Something tells me you aren't the one scheduling appointments and taking inventory and keeping track of what everyone and the house needs.
NorthEazy OP responded:
My man you have no idea. Single dad here. Full custody. Raised my kid on my own. Met my lovely wife later on. Trust me. I do more before 6 am then you do in a week.
tigeetailz writes:
There is no fee so again who do you want her to pay? She can’t pay a fee because there is no longer a fee to pay. YTA and a giant one at that
NorthEazy OP responded:
Yeah, so that’s why I think rather than having the fee waived. I will request that a check is cut like it’s a part-time job to avoid this issue.
Legitimate_Essay_221 writes:
I think you’ve lost sight of the fact that a marriage is a team. You’re taking an oppositional stance for a relatively paltry amount of money because…what? Fairness? People who keep score in relationships are just tallying up their misery.
You said this two hundred bucks has caused some of the worst fighting in your marriage. Do you want to be “right” (in your mind), or do you want to be happy?
NorthEazy OP responded:
Wouldn’t the same apply to her? If she wants a rebate she can join the board right?
UnapprehensivePaper7 writes:
NTA. Personally I think split finances in a marriage is a bad move for reasons like this dumb fight here. At the end of the day you had an arrangement.
The waived fee is just semantics for tax purposes. You are getting paid for your time in HOA. This is your money. It sounds like if the government took its cut and the HOA gave you the exact amount, she wouldn’t have a problem with that.
It is nearly impossible to communicate stuff like this to non-business minded people who have been employees their whole lives. People react emotionally to money. This would not be my hill to die on. Just move on. Either forget about the $200 or resign.
I understand you are feeling cheated. I also had to threaten my landlord with legal action for a $300 referral fee that is minuscule compared to rent I paid them over the years. Sometimes small stuff come with ridiculous emotional costs. Forget about the dollar amount resolve the emotional cost.
NorthEazy writes:
Thank you brother. I feel heard. Getting pummeled here in the comments. Yeah obviously I’m not gonna make my wife feel cheated. I really need to decide if all the Board work is worth $200 in my pocket vs $400.
BallantyneR writes:
OP look at it this way, the bill you received from the HOA for the services they provide is now taken out of the monthly bills, saving your household $400 per month. There IS NO HOA bill to pay.
So is your point of view that your wife should now deposit $200 (or is it $400?) into where...? Your bank account? If that's the case then holy s*** YTA!
Think about this: if your wife started doing some volunteer work, but a fringe benefit was free childcare, which you enroll your child in. Would it be reasonable for your wife to charge you the amount of money you were paying to previous childcare provider? Or would it be unfair of her to take a perk that benefits you both and use it to gouge you for money?
NorthEazy OP responded:
Except it’s a lot of work I’m doing and I could use my time elsewhere to earn more.
Your childcare example is interesting. In this example it would be our child. So not exactly on point. I’d like to think if she told me she was volunteering specifically to get free child care bc she needed more money then yes I’d still pay. She is working to get a free service. I’m doing nothing. So long as my costs don’t increase why would I care?
shyinwonderland writes:
Do you not like your wife? Like looking at your comments, you don’t seem to. I got my holiday bonus yesterday, first thing I did was tell my husband about it and looked for another Christmas present for him. Because my good fortune is his and vice versa.
NorthEazy OP responded:
Why didn’t you give it all to him? You must hate him.
asymmonds writes:
I don't get it. You want to pay $0 of the now $0 fee but want your wife to pay you $200 of the now $0 fee? You still want her to pay $200 to what? Just you? You want to make a $200 profit off of your wife instead of just letting both of you save $200?
NorthEazy OP responds:
I look at it like this. I got a part time job for $400. She wants half. I’d rather not work if there is a 50% wife tax.
InaGlassGuitar writes:
Seriously?! You’d rather continue paying the $400/mo just so your wife doesn’t get any? So messed up. Do you even like your wife?
NorthEazy OP responds:
There is another vacancy on the board. I asked her to join so we’d get even more. It’s a lot of work. She said no. She must hate me to priories her leisure time over helping the family.
Dounesky writes:
How would you get more??? Do you own more than one unit? It’s a credit and they can’t credit you more than your cost.
NorthEazy OP responds:
They can direct funds how they see fit. It’s the Board. It’s an incentive to serve a very difficult job.
LDel3 writes:
Hold on, why is he only getting half of the divorce when he’s done all the work?