Man's friend says 'attractive' wife is probably cheating; suggests open relationship. Updated!

'My (25F) husband's (28M) friend (28F) told him that I'm cheating on him and that it is best to open our relationship, that she could help us.'

It all started a few weeks ago when we were having dinner with some friends and one of them in particular began to joke that after 13 years together surely one of us already got bored of the other, and she (28F) said that surely the one who got bored first was me (25F) because I'm the 'attractive' one in the relationship.

I know that it affected my husband (28M) because that night he joked that he was actually lucky that I paid attention to him, but I thought at that moment that he would just forget about it, but he didn't.

He started asking me all the time if I love him, if I'm happy with him, if I would change something about our relationship and things like that. And yesterday while we were talking about it I told him that I would not change him for anything or anyone and he started crying, which was really weird because he rarely cries. And I didn't like seeing him like this so I spoke with his sister, with whom he is really close.

She told me that for weeks one of our friends has been telling him that he should prepare for the day that I cheat on him or leave him, and she also told him that she thinks I'm already seeing someone else, that if he wants it to be less painful for him, it's best to open the relationship.

She said, if he wants she and her boyfriend can help us open our marriage since it would be easier because we both know them, that this will help us because we will be able to experiment with more people and I will not get bored of him and he will also be able to have fun with her 'like the lifelong friends they are.'

According to his sister, he told her that he hates those things but if I want to do it he will let me experiment with more people. And to be honest I hate everything that has to do with open relationships too, if you like it great, but it's not my thing.

And I thought that I was always clear with that, that's why I don't even know why that friend said that. She has an open relationship but she was never one of those people who wants everyone to be like them, she used to respect us so I don't know what happened.

How can I make him understand that she lied about me because she probably just wants to sleep with him?

Here's what people had to say after the initial post:

tercer78 writes:

Y’all got together when you 12 and he was 16?!

throwRa_hhhhx OP responded:

12 and 15. we were only romantically involved and it was that way until I was sixteen.

Minute_Box3852 writes:

She's saying all of it bc it's a power trip.

She's jealous of you and wants to hurt you by showing you she can get with your husband.

introverted_smallfry writes:

With friends like that, who needs enemies. Husband should not have listened to her and talked to his wife instead. This is how distrust starts to brew.

Sad_Entertainer6312 writes:

Well first up you completely cut that nasty woman out of your lives permanently. Second if she's also friends with anyone in your group tell everyone what happened. Third, start initiating sex with your husband 2-3 times a weeks for a hood while, make him feel wanted and special

Update from OP 2 weeks later:

I (25f) talked to my husband (29M) and he told me everything she (28F) told him. Apparently she's been telling him for months that he is not attractive enough to 'keep me' for long, that love is not everything and that looks are important to everyone, and that people who say they don't care about beauty are lying.

And that pissed me off so much, because for me my husband is really beautiful and I love him more than anyone in this world, if it wasn't like that I wouldn't have been with him for 13 years and she knows that.

And the worst part is that my husband believed her because she destroyed his self-esteem with all those things that are not true just because she wanted to sleep with him and one of her partners (I think she said he's in his late 40s or something) with me or at least that's what she said.

She has two boyfriends or whatever and one of them apparently knows me (I don't know how because we never met him) and he told her that he would like to know if he could have 'a chance with me', that's why she's been messing with my husband's mind all these months, that's what she told us when we confronted her.

She also admitted that she likes my husband, not romantically but physically, and that's why she also wanted to convince him to sleep with her, because she has liked him for years.

Honestly, I don't understand anything about that world of having two or more partners and I'm not interested in knowing anything either, I just know that I find it disgusting. If you want to have a harem, that's up to you, personally I don't want that and I find it disgusting that they don't understand it, like respect the people that don't like that, is that so difficult to understand?

She apologized many times but my husband didn't forgive her and I don't intend to forgive her either, she behaved like an idiot and it is impossible for her to win back our trust.

On the other hand, my husband and I are fine, of course we had a lot of talks about what happened these last few weeks and about our relationship, but we're fine, and that's all that matters to me, that our little family is well, for us and for our children.

Here's what people had to say after the update:

Nelalvai writes:

What a selfish, cruel thing to do, chipping away at someone's self worth until they're sad enough to sleep with you? That's low. That's 'rain puddle in a landfill' low.

throwRa_hhhhx OP responded:

We've cut her off and have no plans to have anything to do with her again, also we've talked to mutual friends to let them know, we don't want her to do the same to anyone else.

ladyeclectic79 writes:

That’s cesspool vile. A person like that is toxic and needs to be removed from OOP’s life. Imagine thinking it’s okay to destroy someone’s self image and relationship so they’ll be low enough to sleep with you - worse, I guess her PARTNER wanted it so she manipulated her friend to get it for him.

What a sack of s**t. I’m poly too but that is SO not how ANYONE should be conducting relationships!!!

deathboyuk writes:

Though I'm now happily in a mono relationship, I've been poly for a good chunk of my life and this had me grinding my teeth. This is NOT doing it right!

liamemsa writes:

That's PUA playbook isn't it? 'Negging?'