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Man's mom gives stepdaughter cheap Xmas gift; says 'ask her real father for a gift.'

Man's mom gives stepdaughter cheap Xmas gift; says 'ask her real father for a gift.'


AITA for telling my wife she was causing a scene and not defending her with my mom?

I (42) have a step daughter 'Liz' (17) from my wife 'Kate' (42) first marriage. Me and Kate also have a daughter 'Emma' (3) together. Liz doesn't call me dad and usually refers to me as Mr my last name.

I'll be honest that this bothered me a little, but this is what Liz feels comfortable with so I never pushed it. We're not close, but we have a good relationship overall, and she loves Emma.

We weren't able to get together with my side of the family over Christmas, so my family had a late Christmas/New Year's gathering where my mom gave her Christmas gifts for the grandkids. She got Emma some toys and Liz a sketch pad (she's an artist so it's not a random gift).

Liz (and Kate, my wife) were disappointed, and Kate pulled my mom aside later (I was around) to say she shouldn't have given the gifts out in front of everyone and Liz is hurt.

Basically my mom ended up saying that she went out of her way to get Liz a gift as a grandma, when Liz doesn't even consider me any kind of father figure. If they (Liz and Kate) have such an issue with the gifts, they can go ask Liz's real father for a gift.

Kate didn't take that comment well and caused a bit of a scene, and said my mom has 'no respect' for them. I tried to calm it down, and I did tell mom she was being a little harsh. I also told Kate she was causing a scene and blowing this up for no reason, and that she was the one nitpicking about gifts and mom just responded to her.

Kate was angry and said I should've defended her. It's been a couple of weeks and she's still a little upset with me. I don't think I'm really in the wrong here, and most of my family agree. My brother said I should post on here if this is still causing issues, so AITA?

Edited for people asking - All the toys and things together were worth around $100. I'll admit Liz's sketch pad wasn't nearly as much, more dollar store type, so yes I do understand them feeling upset and having the gifts given out in front of everyone.

Here's what people had to say:

bonesxandxcoffee writes:

Based off the additional op comments, yeah YTA, and so is your mother. Liz is 17, and was given a cheap sketch pad that probably isn't even the grade/value she normally uses, whereas everyone else had meaningful, thoughtful gifts.

Your mother needs to keep out of you family dynamic with that 'ask your real father' bullshit. Obviously there's a reason Liz doesn't.

Mindless-Client3366 writes:

I'd bet that the comments don't stop with 'ask your real father'. There's probably comments about her not being part of the family, etc. Liz and Kate have been dealing with this for YEARS.

It can't be easy for Kate to hear those comments either. Mom should have been told a long time ago that if she wants to see any part of that family, she needs to treat EVERYONE like family.

RedSealWitch writes:

So your mother gave everyone else multiple gifts and only gave your stepdaughter a dollar store sketch pad (not even an art kit, just a sketch pad) which 100% felt like a slap in the face to her, and when your mother made the unnecessary comment about her real father you still thought that was ok? Yeah YTA

aitaaccount457 OP responded:

I didn't think it was okay, mom's made the comment about asking Liz's father for things she wants before and I told her it's harsh, considering he's passed away. I just thought Kate was blowing it up and nitpicking about gifts.

bonesxandxcoffee jumped back in:


duck-84 writes:

He's dead??? For f**k sake. This is a YTA with a bullet. That's some important context you left out there, OP. Also OP's mom is an actual monster with that 'Ask your real father for gifts' comments. I can't even. Wow.

Sources: Reddit
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