Pregnant wife makes husband get rid of 'best friend' cat; says, 'choose me or the cat.'

AITA for wanting to bring my cat back into my house after wife's late stillbirth?

My wife and I were expecting a child in October. We are in our early 30's and have been trying for a child for some time - due to character limits I won't get into details, but it has been difficult.

In February, we discovered that she was pregnant! Obviously, we were over the moon with joy. We began to prepare - we did everything you could possibly do to get ready. We planned a baby shower and sent out invitations, we prepared a beautiful room with a custom-made crib by my father in law (who is a very talented woodworker), and we were extremely thorough in baby-proofing our home.

During the baby-proofing, my wife started to suggest that we 'get rid of' my cat, Bubba, who is 12 years old and I've had since he was a kitten. I got him in college, I adopted him and each of my two sisters adopted another kitten from the same litter. Bubba is extremely affectionate to me - so sweet and cuddly. He tolerates my wife, but is not affectionate towards her.

To strangers, he is not nice. He has never bitten or scratched anyone, but he does a lot of hissing and yowling at people he is unfamiliar with. My wife was afraid that he'd scare the baby, he wouldn't be welcoming to a newborn, or that he'd hurt her. I argued gently, but eventually acquiesced. In her 28th week of pregnancy, we sent him to live with my parents.

He was not happy there. My parents said he cried all day and walked around meowing 24 hours a day, looking for me. Tragically, my wife and I lost our child just weeks before she was due. We still don't have a lot of answers, and it's painful to get into.

We mourned. We were inconsolable for weeks. I still cannot think about it without feeling complete agony and loss. After a month, we returned to some level of normalcy - as normal as things could be, anyway. We've started to explore adoption.

Last week, I told my wife I was going to pick up Bubba to bring him back home. She exploded. She said that under no circumstances would she allow him back in our house, and that I had agreed to have him live with my parents. I missed him. He's been my best friend for years, he's been my loyal companion my entire adult life.

She told me that I could pretty much choose between her or Bubba. I told her that obviously I would choose her, it's not even a question, but that I didn't understand her reasoning and I felt she was being cruel. She'd lived with Bubba for 10 years, and there had never been any problem.

The adoption process can take eight to twelve months on average, and I'd like to spend that time having Bubba around. We haven't spoken about it since. This is the first fight we've had. Am I being unreasonable/the asshole in wanting my cat back?

Here's how people judged OP:

HenriettaHiggins writes:

Info: do you think she sees this as you giving up on your ability to have kids, a thing she wasn’t ready for? Because this went from “we are trying to have kids and it’s really tough” to “adoption takes months and I want my cat” real fast.

Clerxudehuntemu OP responded:

It could be, I see what you're saying. I was limited to 3000 characters, but we were advised by our physician not to attempt to have a child naturally again (or with IVF). She is unable to have children due to the shape of her uterus.

We are giving up on having children naturally, but we are fortunate enough to have employers who have adoption assistance programs, with the combined benefit from the two programs we will be able to adopt. It will take a long time, though.

justanothermumof2 writes:

She’s probably jealous and this has hit a nerve. You get your affectionate cat and she has no baby. Take your time with her on this, from her reaction she is hurt and needs time.

chaos_coordinator_X3 writes:

To be honest, I’d choose my cat. She knows what he means to you, and seems like a monster for wanting him gone for a baby (especially with there being no issues).

ShutUpMorrisseyffs writs:

What's wrong with people? She doesn't hate the cat, she's just traumatised. She needs somewhere to put her anger and grief.