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Man's wife won't let him watch her give birth; he says, "I can’t pretend to be happy.'

Man's wife won't let him watch her give birth; he says, "I can’t pretend to be happy.'


AITA for being hurt that my wife won’t allow me to see the birth of our baby and asking for some space? Update 2X.

My wife is 8 months pregnant with our first kid and she has been finalising her birth plan. She included me in the process and I did my best to research and understand it. I went with her to see various doulas, picked a hospital together, established emergency plans etc. I assumed I would be there for the birth but she told me she didn’t want me to see my daughter being born.

She only wants her mother there and I could only come in once it’s done to see the baby. It hurt like hell because I was obviously very excited about it. I asked why and she just said she’d be more comfortable that way. I said okay, I told her I’ll let her do whatever makes her comfortable and I’ll be on board with it but that I’m very hurt and will need some space for a few days to take it in.

I slept in the guest room and left before she woke up for work and she’s been blowing up my phone with texts about how it’s unfair to punish her for doing what’s best for the baby. She called and she was crying and telling me I’m putting so much stress on a pregnant woman for no reason and that I’m an a**hole for that.

I don’t think needing space for a few days is wrong of me and I’m just asking her to let me take in what’s happening. I can’t pretend to be happy about missing the birth of our baby. She’s so angry I’m wondering if I’m being a d**k?

Edit: No we’re not the couple from the other post, my wife works from home, I don’t work 14h and I was there for every appointment since the beginning.

Here's how people judged the original post:

Spekkl writes:

Tell her that you are less and less attracted to her because of her attitude. That it really dimmed her light in your eyes.

husband_birth OP responded:

She knows, we’ve had this conversation in counselling but it doesn’t seem to change her mind.

TheFabledOnionFucker writes:

Why stay? Honestly I wouldn't gone when she pulled that bulls**t in your first post... What use does she have in your life?

husband_birth OP responded:

I want my girl to have a stable family and I don’t think my wife did any of this out of malice, these are the two reasons who keep me in the marriage. We’re trying to work on other things and hopefully find a semblance of a team together.

Careful-Bumblebee-10 writes:

Don't 'stay together for the child'. I can assure you that children pick up on parents who don't get along, don't like each other, etc. If yall resent each other it isn't stable and you just model a dysfunctional relationship for your child.

husband_birth OP responded:

I know. The goal is to stay together and work together to be “stable”.

Unhappy-Coffee-1917 writes:

Sorry man, the more you comment the more I feel you are being really egoistical about this.

Update 1 from OP 3 months later:

My wife had the baby and they’re both healthy. I asked her on her due date if she still didn’t want me to be there and she said she wasn’t sure. She was very stressed during labor and I could tell she was really anxious so I did my best to comfort her and didn’t ask.

She did ask me to leave when it was time to push and I came back when our daughter was born. I didn’t catch her, but I got to cut the cord and I held her first, which I am very grateful for.

Things were okay with my wife for a while until she dismissed how I felt about missing the birth and said I was making a big deal out of a couple minutes. I then found out the reason she excluded me was because she was scared I would stop being attracted to her.

I kinda lost it and I regret it, but I was sleep deprived and told her that I was disappointed in her as a mother and she put her vanity before our kid and before me. My wife then asked for marriage counselling, we’re on a wait list for a first appointment. We’ve been very cold towards one another when we’re alone and we will probably fight soon again.

I know it’s not the best way to be when we have a newborn but I can’t help but blame her for this situation. I will be going back to work soon so I’m hoping the distance work gives me from her will help me calm down and gather the strength to be more mature about it all.

Update 2 from OP 4 months later:

Wife and I separated for a couple months but decided to work on our marriage. Bigger issues rose to the surface in marriage counselling and wife did apologise for keeping me out of the delivery room, although she affirmed in the same sentence that if we have a second child, she’d ask me to stay outside again.

She just will not trust me to not loose attraction to her. I had never realised just how deeply insecure she is about her looks and how it affects every part of her daily life. She’s a pretty woman and she always acted very confident but it was mostly a facade that completely crumbled with the pregnancy.

We ran into some issues with breastfeeding related to that where she would eat very little to lose the pregnancy weight and it caused her to produce less milk, consequently stressing her and the baby out more.

I begged her to postpone her diet until our baby is a little older but it was so important for her to lose weight first. I tried supporting her but I was going through my own struggles and I couldn’t understand how she could put that over the health of our baby.

We’re determined to make our marriage work and I’m going to do my best to understand her struggles with self image. I’ve come to accept that seeing the birth of any child I have with her will not be possible.

Here's how people judged OP after the updates:

Fun_Organization3857 writes:

Women are told that men are traumatized by seeing birth and they will never look at your lady bits the same again. It's a huge thing in some circles that men should be men and stay at the head of the bed if he dares enter the room.

sazza8919 writes:

I also think that OP should do some introspection about how views her body might be just as unhealthy and objectifying as how she views it herself. Whilst she is caught up in her bodies value in terms of attractiveness, he’s reducing her body’s value to that of a lifegiver to their child.

Babycatcher2023 writes:

This is crazy to me. I have a 2 week old and a 2 year old. My husband caught both babies (unintentionally) and watched me poop on newborn’s face apparently. He thinks I’m a goddess, can’t imagine someone watching the person they love push out their baby and then thinking less of that person. People suck.

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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