Mom plans own 'sham' wedding the weekend before daughter to 'teach her a lesson.' NEW UPDATE
"My mother decided to get married the weekend before me"
HortiWhore
I (26f) and my fiancé (26m) are getting married in two weeks. We have been engaged with our date set for over a year. My mom was the first person we called when we got engaged and all she said was “I’m sure I’m the last to know, you’re probably sick of hearing congratulations by now.”
She flew out a couple months later for our engagement party. I was outside with my friend when she stormed outside, past everyone else sobbing and wouldn’t speak to me, except to yell at me to go back inside. Later she told me she was just overwhelmed.
Then, she met her boyfriend. She told me he makes her feel so loved like (my fiancé) does for me. But that she was also still seeing a few other people, mostly because her new boyfriend doesn’t speak any English and my mom doesn’t speak Spanish. They communicate through google translate.
A few months later my fiancé and I are in my hometown for a childhood friends wedding. My mother was also invited and brought her boyfriend. I was in the wedding, so my fiancé was stuck next to them for the ceremony, he said they made out the whole time and whenever they weren’t, my mom was complaining.
During the reception, if they weren’t on the dance floor grinding on each other, they were back at their table making out, he even had his hand up her dress on several occasions. I brought up this behavior on the drive home and she said “he’s Latin, he’s just very passionate.”
While we were in town, my MOH decided to throw us a wedding shower (I even made sure the bride who’s wedding I was in was okay with it first.) But it was a great chance for my fiancé to meet all of me friends, people I haven’t seen since before the pandemic the last time I was there.
My MOH tried to include my mom in the planning, my mom said she would bring table decorations and tablecloth’s. She brought them and then immediately sat down and got on her phone. She didn’t even bother to get the things out of the car. I asked her to frost cupcakes if she was just going to sit there while I set up tables.
She agreed but complained about it the whole time. Once my friends started showing up, she completely ignored everyone and just sat in the corner on her phone. My fiancé went out of his way to try and include her in every conversation.
She knew a lot of people there, girls I’ve been friends with since first grade, people I went to high school with, my MOHs parents and she just ignored everyone. Then complained to my fiancé that I wasn’t spending time with her. Even though I had set the day before of our trip aside to specifically spend with her and my younger siblings.
After we got back from our trip I found out I was pregnant. Again she was the first one I called because I knew she would be upset if she wasn’t. I called her several times and she didn’t answer so I called my dad and best friend and told them. When I finally got a hold of her she said “wow… congrats…” in the most monotone voice I’ve ever heard her use in my whole life.
At the end of last month, her and my dad both told me they didn’t know if they could afford to come to my wedding (again the date has been known for over a year, I don’t understand why they didn’t work out travel and lodgings in advance, not to mention my mother just moved recently to be closer to her boyfriends job.)
I was honestly over all of her behavior at this point so I figured it would be a good thing if she didn’t show and I was at peace with it. But she worked it out and called me this past week to tell me she got the plane tickets for her, my brother and her boyfriend. Oh and by the way that they were getting married in a week. A week before my own wedding.
My fiancé and I both cannot wrap our heads around how she could possibly think this is acceptable. She knows how much we’ve been looking forward to this and it just feels like I’m not allowed to have anything for myself. She always needs a slice of whatever I get. Now she’s going to come to our wedding and tell everyone that she just got married too.
I have to warn our photographers not to speak to her because I know she’ll tell them she just got married and was wondering if they could take a few pictures of them together. She’s going to try to make our wedding her wedding, without having to pay for any of it. It feels like she’s jealous and just wishes to be me.
I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or if it’s past trauma to do with her (we have a long long history of not getting along. I thought we had been doing well in recent years, until I met my fiancé), but I literally never want to speak to her again after this wedding.
I’ll definitely be going no contact for at least a little while. I don’t know if anyone will even read this novel but I desperately needed to get it off my chest.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the initial post:
xHappyAcidx
I wouldn’t even let her come to the wedding at this point.
The OP responded here:
HortiWhore
Honestly nobody wants her there, least of all me. I do want my brother there though and he lives with her and is dependent on her so she has to come as well.
Darknessidiot1227
can you get some sort of alternative transportation for your brother? Like have a friend or someone pick him up and leave her behind? Idk if that would only make things worse or not but it would solve the transportation dependency issue.
The OP again responded:
HortiWhore
If they were just coming in from out of town a few hours away or something I would say yes but they’re flying 2,000 miles to be here and it just feels especially cruel to let her come all this way just to tell her she can’t come but pick up my brother.. it would definitely make things worse.
Natural_War1261
I bet my first born that she'll show up in her wedding dress.
19 days later, the OP returned with an update.
"Update to mom getting married the weekend before me"
HortiWhore
Hi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you for all the well wishes, my wedding was truly the best day of my life! I had the best day ever, no thanks to anyone in my family, a lot happened so I’ll have to keep everything brief.
•I called my mom before her wedding and told her it was messed up she decided to get married a week before me. She had to have had this conversation with someone else or knew it was coming because she immediately launched in to “yeah I know but it just kind of happened this way it wasn’t intentional”
•my friends mother went to her wedding so she could report back to us. Apparently my mom complained about me the whole time saying I was mad about nothing and told her she wasn’t allowed to talk about her wedding. Which I did but she had readily agreed to when we were on the phone saying she wasn’t trying to take any attention from me.
•my whole family missed the rehearsal which would have been fine if they just listened to me about the line up at least one of the 12 times I told them what they were supposed to be doing. This caused an issue at the wedding, mom threw a fit, MIL saved the day and set her straight.
•mom made it to rehearsal dinner and after I was finished helping set up she came up to me, grabbed my stomach and started screeching hello to the baby. I backed up and asked her to please not touch me without permission and she was very upset.
•mom refused to smile in any pictures she was in that her husband was not.
•my sister (she’s 14 and the youngest) threw a fit over the food we served. My dad missed our grand entrance, and first dance because he left to get her Subway. I told him it was a good thing I decided to not do a father daughter dance because he would have missed that, too.
•my whole family left early, which was fine because we were under the impression they all had early flights the next morning, which is why they wouldn’t make it to brunch. Well my mother lied to all of us and put my brother on an early morning flight so she and her husband could travel to NYC (we live upstate) and take a little honeymoon.
We only found out because one of my bridesmaids and her family ran in to her at the Statue of Liberty. My husband is pissed because we would have let my brother stay with us a bit longer and because my mom lied to his moms face about why they couldn’t attend brunch. My mom has texted me, I haven’t responded and don’t plan to.
All in all though absolutely none of this matters to me. I’m married to my best friend, I had my fairytale wedding and now in about 4 months we’ll have a new baby that I’m over the moon excited for. Several people asked for updates so I thought I’d share the tea with you guys.
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update from the OP:
EqualInfamous4764
Congratulations on your wedding OP! So happy it went somewhat smoothly for you. As for your mother, she has shown her jealousy and efforts to make every thing about her. She did not care about being there for you, but being closer to NYC. (I’m also from upstate NY too).
If I were you, I would cut her completely out of your life because the next thing will be her trying to make your pregnancy journey about her “becoming a grandparent”. You have your husband and in-laws too.
Also, with your dad— he should have put a stop to your sister having a tantrum because she is 14, that is WAY too old for that behavior. I’d photoshop her out of your wedding photos too 🤷🏾♀️ all the best girly.
The OP responded:
HortiWhore
Part of her reasoning for getting married before me was so that they could make this trip a little honeymoon. Which confused me because I was under the impression they would arrive Friday night, stay for the wedding on Saturday, and leave Sunday morning. Now I know she didn’t leave until Wednesday. I’m done letting her get to me though. Focusing on my new little family.
But yeah I told my husband our child would have had to go hungry until we left for the evening if they threw a fit like that lol.
theatreeducator
This family seems to allow conflicts to slide under the rug. I wouldn’t let the new grand baby near them.
Greyeyedqueen7
Wow. I just want to give OP a mom hug. That drama queen may have birthed her, but she's no mom.
Material_Cellist4133
Congratulations! But TBH after everything they pulled during the wedding - I would be NC with all of them except for the brother.
The OP again returned with a short update.
"Additional"
HortiWhore
Lil update to my update. My mom texted me several times asking if I was mad at her and she spammed me on Facebook on a post I made for my cats' birthday lol. I responded saying yes, I was upset for all of the reasons I listed above. Most of all the lying and sneaking around.
Basically, she didn’t respond to any of the actually important points I made and just did her best to make me feel guilty and only acknowledged the parts she felt were defendable. But I told her I need space and we wont be speaking for a while.