It's far too easy to hold others to standards we don't even hold ourselves to.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for holding her husband to the same standards he holds her kids to. She wrote:
I (F31) have been with my husband (M37) for 4 years. He is constantly complaining about my two kids and how they always do the bare minimum when it comes to chores. But never says anything to his son about his chores being done minimal.
For example, he was complaining to me about my daughter's (F13) clothes still being in a basket in her room but has said nothing to his son (M14) about the clothes that are all over his room and not even in a basket.
He also complains my daughter is on her phone too much meanwhile his son is on the Xbox from the time he gets off school (he is in a video game club at school and stays after twice a week to play games but even on the days he doesn't stay he comes home and jumps on) until it is time to shower which he has to be told to do.
Meanwhile, I work a full-time job and deal with all the finances and he is a stay-at-home dad. I then come home and have to finish the dishes that are not done and sort through the laundry that he has washed that day and give the kids theirs then fold the towels and my own clothes. (I refuse to put my husband's clothes away and they sit in a basket in our room).
So I finally tell him "look until you can tell your son to do all his stuff properly and make sure his stuff is done properly don't tell me my kids are lazy and don't do what they are supposed to do. Also until you as an adult can put your clothes away don't complain about my kids clothes. For me here is the real kicker. I tell my kids daily what chores they need to do and if they are not done they get grounded.
I also tell my step son what chores he needs to do and when they are not done I try to ground him and then get told "no I'll have a talk with him it will get done" and it don't get done. This is an argument we regularly have and I always get yelled at and told to stop babying my kids. Am I the AH for pointing these things out and trying to make him parent they way he wants me to parent?
NTA. Doesn't sound like this relationship is destined to last, at least not happily. I'd recommend counseling to salvage the relationship and the family. He's a SAH dad who clearly has some issues trying to be a parental figure to children who aren't his own. I'm surprised you two got this far into the relationship without realizing this was how he was treating your children.
NTA. But I’m sorry to say, you don’t have a husband you have another child...
Also, he is being extremely unfair to your children, while favoring his own offspring!! Will it get more extreme? Has it already and you don’t know !? Big man, bullying literal children 🙄
NTA but why are you letting this guy raise your kids? He's using you and playing favorites with his son. If he's a stay-at-home dad, he should be doing all the chores (including ensuring that the kids do their chores properly) and home management.
Why in the world are you with this guy? What does he bring to your relationship or your household? You are literally paying for the roof over him and his son’s head, and he has the audacity to judge you.
OP is NTA, the only area where she might be TA, is the fact that she's with him in the first place.