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'My husband posted us being intimate online, my friend revealed it to me.' UPDATED 4X

'My husband posted us being intimate online, my friend revealed it to me.' UPDATED 4X

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Being betrayed by the person you thought loved you the most is one of the most painful experiences a human can go through.

In a popular post on the True Off My Chest subreddit, a woman shared her traumatic discovery of her husband's violations. She wrote:

"My husband posted my body online without my knowing."

Last Friday I (34f) spent my evening with Kate (24F), a young friend from work as she wanted to discuss something personal with me. I didn’t think anything of it as we do have a very personal relationship outside of work as well. As soon as I arrived to her place the tension in the air was thick.

She explained that she wanted to discuss a serious matter with me but that she didn’t know how to go about it. I told her to just rip the band-aid off and tell me. She told me that she had found two recordings of a woman she believed to be me on a p*rnographic website. I told her that wouldn’t be possible but she was adamant that I was the woman in the recording. And she was right.

I’ve never recorded myself n@ked or having s*x with my husband but there I was in two recordings of 7 minutes and 4 minutes both of them recorded in our old bedroom. As I rewatched every second of it, it starts to dawn on me that this was my husband's doing. But I pushed that deep down because there must be a reasonable explanation for this.

Honestly I left her place with my mind in a complete meltdown. I could barely hear what she was saying but she did follow up with a text saying she’s been in contact with the website about getting it taken down and that she’ll help me go through this. She also said she’s scouring the internet in case there are more out there.

I came home and pretty much ransacked my house looking for evidence and I found it. My husband was using a hidden spy cameras to spy on me and record me in my most intimate moments. I then just spent hours vomiting, crying, projectile vomiting some more and begging god to just let this be a nightmare.

I am a deeply religious and a fully veiled Muslim woman and I’ve never been with anyone but my husband and all this time he has been sharing my most intimate moments with the the world. I don’t know what to think or what to do. I can’t look at him or speak to him. I've locked myself in our bedroom pretending I have C0VID.

All I do is look up how other people have dealt with getting things removed and it’s seems like once it’s on the internet it really is forever even if I remove it from this 1 website. I've been crying non stop. He truly must be something demonic as he is right now talking about ordering in some of my favorites to see if I have an appetite since I haven’t been eating well.

I am so unbelievably hurt. I don’t know how to share this with my family, how to ask for help I am crippled with shame, anger and pain. Answering some questions:

1. My husband (soon to be ex-husband) and I are the same religion, race, ethnicity and nationality.

2. My culture does not participate in honor k*llings and I’m not afraid of my family harming me or not siding with me.

3. My family would support me in divorcing him, in fact they would demand I do.

4. The laws in my country are secular but in certain circumstances it allows for the various religious groups in the country to hold their own courts that can enforce their rulings (as long as it doesn’t impose or break secular law or civil liberties ).

5. I do plan on taking this to secular court and religious court as I want him punished.

6. I am veiled by choice and the vast majority of my fellow countrywomen do not veil.

7. I am a niqabi meaning the only part of me visible to the public are my eyes. When I am with my family or with other women/in women only spaces I don’t veil.

8. Kate and I do not share the same religion, nor dress alike and yet we are friends: quelle surprise.

The internet immediately had OP's back, offering empathy and advice.

Hazelwood38 wrote:

Take pictures of the camera equipment, screenshot the videos. Contact the website and request to have them taken down, depending on the site, they don't want to be in any revenge p*rn charges so they should pull them down immediately (may even give you information on when it was uploaded, email account, etc.)

grianmharduit wrote:

That is one of the deepest betrayals I can imagine. Can you sue for divorce? There’s no way you can ever forgive and trust again.

OP responded:

There’s no way we are staying together. I can never forgive him. I’ve documented everything and I am planning on reporting him to the police. But right now I am almost frozen like and just need sometime to get myself together.

Zasnasviolin wrote:

I'm so sorry OP that you're the victim of such a vile excuse of a human being. I cannot imagine the heartbreak. But wow, I'm impressed by your fierceness and strength! Vomiting and crying, but also making plans for divorce and reporting him to the police?! You got this, with ups and downs, but you got this. Sending love.

PatFnGreen wrote:

I can't imagine how you are feeling. I'm so sorry. Not only for you to have been recorded and had your body shared online but to also lose all trust in your husband and to know that he is capable of something like this. I hope you are able to leave him at a minimum and they you can speak with a professional that can help you deal with such a traumatic event.

TheFriendlyWeirdo wrote:

As a fellow Hijabi muslim woman. Sweetheart, my heart bleeds for you. We trust our men with our honor. To do this is disgusting. The violation is scary. I know. But you're strong. Divorce him. Never let him near you again. Tell your parents, but you don't need to tell anybody else.

I know you're scared that people are going to see. But they're not. Nobody is going to know. Relax. The video will get taken down. And you'll be okay. Allah knows. He knows your heart. And he knows your husband's. Allah will protect your honor. He will never let it happen. I'm rooting for you.

OP responded:

We are without a doubt getting a divorce. I have started to make plans. I have scheduled for movers to help me put my stuff into storage on Thursday morning, while he’s at work. Then I’m off to see my parents and siblings. I’ve asked them to all be there kind of want to get it all out in one go.

I wish I could say the recordings haven’t spread but it has. I’m not worried about Allah (God) as I know I’ve done nothing wrong and there’s nothing I could ever do to deserve this kind of treatment. Thank you for your kind words! I can only trust that if he can not be punished in this life time that he will be punished in the next. Inshallah.

Two weeks later, OP shared an update.

I left him as I said I would. He went to work. The movers arrived, we packed my stuff and we left. The entire time I was crying to the point that even the movers were worried for me but I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I went home sat my parents and siblings down, and explained the situation. My parents were and still are confused. They are elderly and fragile. They don’t understand the internet.

They just keep saying okay “let’s talk to the people and it will be gone”. But my siblings understand. They are angry. They are sad and heartbroken on my behalf. My siblings and brother-in-laws took me home. We waited for him and well we had a conversation with him. He denied it at first. So my brothers were “firm” with him and he started to be more truthful.

He said he did it because he was depressed, because he had a p*rn addiction, s*x addiction and because he didn’t think anyone would see it. He said he posted only a few. When we asked him to be specific he said he posted anything from 5 to 8. We had him take it down but who knows how many times it has been downloaded or shared. In that moment I also found out he had a secret phone.

He was also cheating on me with random women and s*x-workers. All this time I was thinking he’s working hard but nope he was out disgracing himself and betraying our marriage. At some point he convinced us he needed to use the bathroom and he somehow managed to call his mother. Who arrived at our home with his brother and cousins.

There was a commotion as they were angry at the treatment of their family member. Then things calmed down enough to explain to them what he had done. His mother fainted. His mother is elderly and not in the greatest health condition. We called for an ambulance. My neighbor had also called the police and I was arrested by the time the ambulance arrived to take care of my mother-in-law.

I spent the evening locked up. Didn’t exactly have polite conversation with him. So yes I was arrested (specifically for slapping him) and he refused to press charges. Got released the next morning and went home to my parents. Cried some more because my parents kept crying.

Then a few days later I spoke to some lawyers my sister had contacted as they had experience with non-consensual material being posted online. They have been handling things with the police as I did press charges and they are dealing with the websites. I also have started the process of divorce.

I went to the clinic and got tested and luckily he didn’t give me anything so far but I have another test scheduled just to make sure. I have spoken to his mother and she apologized to me even though it’s not her fault. She told me that she understood why I want him punished. She asked that I let it stay in the hands of the law rather then I hurt him or have him hurt.

He’s in hiding but he still calls and texts me from random numbers. He still lies and tries to manipulate me. I’ve just been documenting everything he says and texts to me. Oh at this point everyone knows. I mean everyone even little kids. And I feel more humiliated now then I did at first.

The internet was fully there for OP.

Maleficent-Froyo-231 wrote:

I know things feel impossible right now but you are going to get through this and you are going to be okay.

I wish you the very best. You deserve much better.

alittlelessbear wrote:

This though. We are rooting for you OP. Life might seem like s**t right now but you’ll be better off. You’ll get through this, you have support. You got this.

SallyFairmile wrote:

Oh my sister, it's your AH soon-to-be ex-husband who should be humiliated. Everyone knows he treated you horribly, possibly illegally. He's scum. Stay strong.

MaryAnne0601 wrote:

What he did to you was horrific and some day he will answer to someone higher than anyone on Earth. You are a woman that loved and trusted her husband. You have done nothing wrong. He betrayed you, his family, his faith and himself. He has left himself with nothing because he is nothing. He was never worthy of you.

Stay with your family and allow yourself to heal. They will help you get through this. Go through the steps you need to with your faith to sever your marriage. There will be times ahead when you break down and grieve for the life you thought you had and the pain of what happened. It’s a necessary part of the process. You will come through this stronger. Take care of yourself.

kzapwn wrote:

Arrested for what?

OP responded:

I didn’t exactly have polite conversation with him. So yes I was arrested specifically for slapping him and he refused to press charges and the police weren’t too interested in taking things further.

Two months later, OP shared another update.

This man has destroyed everything I have worked for and has completely destroyed the very little sense of stability and safety I had left. I had to resign from my job. A job that I loved. Jobs don’t come easy for me with the way that I look. I can’t work there anymore because I am a potential danger to the children and staff. Since p*rverted men have started to harass me at work.

I work with vulnerable children and mothers who have heard about me have started to refuse me working with their children. Some don’t want me to be involved with their child because their husbands can’t stop being weird. Fathers have leered at me or made lewd comments toward me and one of them even offered me money to sleep with him.

Men have catcalled me with greater frequency then ever before. Men stare at me. A man followed my from my dentist office and groped me on the street. Random men call my phone, my family home and office to verbally ab*se me because my husband has posted my address, my personal and work email, phone numbers, work place address and every other bit of information online.

It is as if the eyes and judgment of the entire world is on me. Yes the great majority of people are sympathetic, kind and in support of me.

Many people have reached out in support of me, from old classmates to former colleagues, neighbors, members of my religious community, family friends, his family and many many more have expressed solidarity and kindness but the crazies and p**verts who believe him and are like him, are bolder, louder and much more noticeable.

Then I find out from my lawyers and their investigators that he was drugging me and ass*ulting me as I slept. I suffer from migraines and insomnia and take medication for it. He saw my medication as opportunity to drug me with my own prescriptions.

He shared (was actually bragging) on a forum where other p*rverts congregate how he was so clever for drugging me with my own medication and they were encouraging him to do more things to me. Soon to be ex-husband has also decided to spread rumor’s that I was aware of the cameras and pressured him into posting online AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE HIM!

He also changed his mind about not pressing charges. I went to court. The judge and prosecutors were sympathetic and dismissed the case.

It was a combination of my lawyers explaining the circumstances that led to me slapping him and his subsequent actions (thre*tening me, att@cking me, doxxing me and blackm*iling me by saying he didn’t care about the slap and that he would drop everything if I forgave him)

My lawyers used his own words against him since he wrote it in text and on a recorded call he admitted to me not having slapped him that hard and that he only pressed charges to cause me harm. But his cr*mes against me are still being investigated by the prosecutors.

The internet had nothing but empathy for OP.

kzapwn wrote:

He tried to blackmail you and they prosecutors dropped the case because of that?

OP responded:

It was a combination of my lawyers explaining the circumstances that led to me slapping him and his subsequent actions (thre*tening me, att@cking me, d0xxing me and bl*ckmailing me by saying he didn’t care about the slap and that he would drop everything if I forgave him).

My lawyers used his own words against him since he wrote it in text and on a recorded call he admitted to me not having slapped him that hard and that he only pressed charges to cause me harm.

Mythic_Mama2122 wrote:

This is the first I'm seeing your posts, I've just gone and read the others and I honestly can't believe someone would do this. To be apart of the same religion and even more so because you are a person who prefers to cover up, and still do all of this is just unthinkable. I can't believe he was so proud of being such a disgusting and perverted waste of oxygen.

I can't imagine how you could be feeling about any of this but I just want to say that whatever you are feeling or do feel in the future, it is all valid and don't let anyone ever tell you to get over it. A time will come when you don't think about it as much or it will start to hurt less, but the important thing is that he's getting punished for what he's done.

And by the sounds of it, you have all the evidence you need to have him put away for a LONG time. I hope the future isn't as bleak as you may think it will be, but I won't lie like everyone else and tell you it will all be ok and you'll get past it.

You may get past it I'm future but it won't happen over night. Good luck with all of your future court cases, sectoral and religious if you are still going through with both. May my goddess bless you also in this challenging time (I don't mean to offend btw some extra prayers never hurt).

Objective-Kangaroo-7 wrote:

Just reading this makes my chest tight. I am so sorry. My hope for you is that this is over quickly and you can move and begin again elsewhere.

maple012 wrote:

This is all around absolutely awful. I hope you get the justice you deserve and I hope your family and friends continue to be a support system for you ❤️

Four months later, OP shared another update.

I wish I could say I was feeling better or doing better but I feel awful and I am still struggling with everything. It is still his life’s mission to be as cruel as he can be and to stand in the way of every step I make. He is still refusing to work with my divorce lawyer, he continues to be difficult every step of the way and has run off his own lawyers.

He is now on his third lawyer and we are again starting from scratch in the divorce negotiations. He has been granted an extension by the courts due to his last lawyer just dropping him a few days before our hearing. As for posting non-consensual material a trail date was scheduled and he recently asked for an extension and he’ll probably be granted it as his criminal lawyer dropped him too.

So in last month he has been dropped by his divorce lawyer and his criminal lawyer. The man is on a roll. When it rains it sure pours, my father passed a little over a month ago and my mother is now in hospice care as she is soon to go back to god.

I’m sad but not shocked about this as I’ve had a long time to prepare for it. My father had been battling cancer for almost 3 years and so was as prepared as a person can be and my mothers health had been declining significantly for years due to her dementia. Soon-to-be-ex-husband decided it was a great idea to corner me at the venue we held the after funeral meal at.

He decided to wait for me to be alone, he approached me as I was cleaning up the venue. I was on my own and at that time I was kind of exhausted and could not muster up the rage to chase him off as I had done many times before. So I just let him talk. He seemed almost decent as he was giving his million excuses on why things were the way they were. He cried about how awful he feels for hurting me.

Then he started telling me about how he always felt I was better than him in everything as I made more money, was better educated, had been better travelled than him and that he felt jealous of my confidence and how in the beginning these were things that he was most attracted to but as our relationship and marriage progressed these were the things he started to dislike about me.

He also said that he was angry that I refused to consider being a stay at home wife and mother even though he knew from the beginning that I wasn’t the stay at home/homemaker type. He said that he tried to be a good husband but that my refusal to bend or let him have the last say in things was the catalyst for his anger and need to humiliate me.

He talked about how he had always had an addiction issues but he thought that if he was married he would be cured of his depression, his p*rn and s** addiction and he felt like if I ever found out I would’ve never married him and/or would divorce him and that angered him and pushed him to want to punish me for thinking I was better than him.

He was jealous and angry about so many things. But when I said to him - so you hurt me because you felt jealous and inadequate in comparison, he lost his mind and started to shout and say that he knew I would react that way. I decided to refrain from commenting further and just let him spill his guts uninterrupted. For three hours he made excuse after excuse for why he did what he did.

But it all comes down to him feeling inferior to me, him being jealous and angry that I dared have a mind and life of my own. He said right before our wedding he joined a men’s group online that were helping him deal with his p#rn and s#x addiction and one tip given was to make your own p#rn and watch that instead but he knew I’d never agree to it so it was my fault he needed to spy on me.

He said that he never intend to share it with others but one day I had angered him so much and as pay back he posted it and he felt good. And so every time I “emasculated” him by having my own mind or upset him in some way or another he would post more.

Eventually he gained a following and had so many men asking him to post more he started to like the fact that other men looked up to him for his s#xual prowess and at the same time his s#x addiction started to come back and he fell back into his habit of picking up women and when he couldn’t get it for free, he’d hire a s#x worker.

Then I guess it spiraled out of control for him. The more he spent on his addictions, the more lies he told the more he felt like a failure for me covering our expenses the more he resented me and he got stuck in a cycle of self destruction which in turn only fueled his anger with me.

He also says he joined a support group for addicts and started going to an addiction rehabilitation clinic as an outpatient to deal with his issues and that I should give him credit for that.

He feels that I should be proud of him for doing that and that I should take him back since he’s putting in so much work. He also feels I should appreciate him not stalking me since my dad died and he is sincere in feelings this way. He genuinely doesn’t understand why I’m not seeing how hard he’s been trying the past few months.

In his deluded mind he thinks that his “honesty” in our conversation should count for something and that I am just being a "heartless b" for having been stoic and unmoved by his tears and his show of vulnerability. Even though he gave a great performance of being human during our conversation, I remained unmoved by it because there was nothing to be moved about.

I just continued to pack things up from the venue and got in my car and went home. I’m still not working, I still have crazy men calling my phone at all hours of the day and I still feel humiliated and embarrassed. The only good thing that has happened is that several of the sites have taken down the recordings and banned him from using their platforms.

The comments quickly rolled in.

Corfiz74 wrote:

I hope they lock him up and throw away the key. And take away every cent he owns to pay you damages for emotional distress, loss of income etc. Can you get a restraining order and mace, or your local equivalent thereof? Also, have you considered moving abroad and starting fresh?

It feels like this crap will stick to you, as long as you stay where everyone knows about it. When your mother is gone, too, I don't know if there is much holding you back - I would really consider going someplace far away, where you can work in your field again.

thehottestmess wrote:

Absolutely revolting. I’m sure you don’t need to hear it from another person but you don’t deserve any of it and your ex deserves to rot in a hole for his complete disregard and disrespect towards you.

I hope you’re doing better with your grief and other struggles, and although the proceedings have been extended due to his idiotic ass being dropped by lawyers, know that there is an end to this, and look towards that. Sending all the love <3

Neenwil wrote:

I'm so sorry you're going though all this and it's still not close to resolved. I can't imagine how hard life is for you right now. Please keep yourself safe, he sounds unhinged and possibly dangerous, cornering you like that. All the stuff about jealousy and emasculating him is very worrying. Is there any way to get a restraining order of some type before the trial?

You can't be sure that this behaviour won't escalate, especially saying things like he's doing you a favour by not stalking you. Getting a divorce in these circumstances is a dangerous time for a women, when a man is ab#sive like that and a women stands up for herself it can push them over the edge.

I really hope the trial happens soon and he gets the harshest punishment. You deserve some peace from it all.

A week later, OP shared her final update.

Finally I have some good news- So a while back I was granted a restraining/protective order and my now officially ex-husband did continue to stalk and harass me. After the umpteenth time of calling the police and going to court he was finally imprisoned and he has been in prison for a little over a month.

I was also granted my divorce. I initially wanted a quick divorce and wanted to just give him everything he asked for but he kept finding ways to delay or asking for more and more, and I just snapped, so I told my lawyers to do their worst and they did.

My lawyers hated him and I got everything I wanted and way way more! Not to gloat but it was really satisfying seeing him cry. This has been the most peaceful month I’ve had in a long time. This entire time has been such a trying time and it has effected my mental and physical health.

I’ve lost 12kg and I’ve lost a ton of hair due to the stress he was causing me. But I can honestly say that him wailing in court was the chicken soup my soul needed. I’ve moved from my city and now live on the other side of the country and I’ve gotten myself a decent enough job. I am slowly mending my confidence. I am in therapy and I can’t say it’s working right now but I know if I stick with it , it will.

The non-consensual material he posted has been removed from the more reputable websites he posted on and my lawyers were able to get me monetarily compensated as these companies didn’t want to go to court over it. I mean money doesn’t really change things that much and I am still hurt but it’s something.

I’m also not so delusional as to think that it isn’t still out there in someway or another and I know there really isn’t much I could ever do about that, so I’m just trying to make peace with it. Ex-husband will be serving time in pr*son for what he did my lawyers are working with the courts and that should be sorted soon enough.

I think the reality of the consequences are becoming very clear to him as I have heard through the grapevine that he attempted to commit s*icide and is now in protective custody until his trail date. He is facing up to 30 years and corporal punishment and I absolutely look forward to it.

The internet was so happy to finally hear a positive update after everything OP's been through.

ShoogSho wrote:

Oh thats amazing Alhamduliliah. I've been worried since ive heard your story, I'm so glad there has been some fantastic news. So so proud of you for being strong, May Allah SWT reward you.May Allah bless you and grant you ease ❤️

Inside-Desk5558 wrote:

Wallahi I prayed for you sister and from time to time checked your page to see any updates, I’m grateful to allah that you now can sleep peacefully knowing that human demon is in the hell he created and inshallah will be serving 30 years there and hopefully feel the way you felt there.

I hope they make his life a living hell there, good luck in life and may you find a great husband who will love and honor you the way allah intended it to be ♥️

OP responded:

Thank you for your prayers! I also hope they make him pay! Ameen.

rosebud-2911 wrote:

I just read your post history OP. Wishing you all the strength and healing. You are an incredibly strong person who has endured so much.

bruv888 wrote:

Hey,

As a niqabi, I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to go through all of this. I'm so proud that you chose to open up and be there for yourself in this small way by bravely sharing your story here.

I ask Allah Subhanahu wata'ala to grant you peace from the piece of sh*t and may Allah grant you solace through your difficulties with your parents' illness. May Allah bless you with happiness, good health, prosperity and with the companionship of good people who bring you immense joy.

Hopefully, OP is able to move on and experience love and peace moving forward.

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