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'My wife is not the woman I used to know. She let the fame get to her.' Updated.

'My wife is not the woman I used to know. She let the fame get to her.' Updated.


Posted yesterday by PassengerTraining913 in TrueOffMyChest, OP shares a long tale of love and heartache, but in the end, he really seems to get help from people online, and make good decisions for himself (and his dog). Here's his story.

'My wife is not the woman I used to know. She let the fame get to her.'

I know I won't probably get anything meaningful from this post, but at this stage of life I don't have a single soul to talk to.

I met my wife when I was 15 in high school, she was 17. That latter part of my teenage years was probably the hardest of my life, since in half a year I lost my mother. Never knew my dad so she was the only thing I could consider 'family'.

At that time, me and my wife were only friends, but she was there for me, and grieved with me. I think I started developing feelings for her during that time. We started dating when I was 17, and we got married 7 years later.

For context, my wife was very frugal and unmaterialstic. She never cared about clothes, makeup, brands, cars, ect.. Always spending money on thrift shops or during sales on whatever she liked.

I remember trying to impress her with my 370z just for her to react with 'what car is this? A Corolla?' So yeah. I think you get the type. But that's what I liked about her the most. And also, she was the most caring person I ever knew.

In our family, she's the successful one, always working in big corporations. Regarding myself, I always worked as a community first responder for my local hospital. The salary wasn't high, but I loved my job, helping people as I could.

Fast forward, two years ago she received an offer from an important company for an executive position, offering four (yes, four) times her salary (and let me tell you, her salary wasn't bad by any means). But we would have to move to a different city.

At first, I was doubtful, since that would mean losing my job and I wouldn't be able to contribute financially to our family for an indefinite time period, but she said that she could sustain the family effortlessly with this new job, and during that time I could look after the house and groceries, untill I could find a new job.

Since she was so enthusiastic, I accepted. I was happy to support my wife's career.

Well, the best way I can put it is that my wife underwent a crazy trasformation. Some Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide type thing, if you know what I mean. She started caring more and more about luxury brands, jewels, cars, etc. I don't think you can quite imagine my disbelief seeing her coming back home with a Versace bag after seeing her for years wearing 10$ coats from our local trift shop.

She also started hanging out with her new female coworkers a lot. My wife isn't very extroverted or very social, so that was quite the shock, but I was very very happy for her. I thought that she finally found her dimension after years of struggling.

But that happiness started fading after she started coming home later every day. And later. And later. Until it was a miracle to be able to talk to her for 10 minutes a day. I thought she was very busy with work (since well being an executive means lots of work), till she started posting lots of photos of her with her coworkers drinking, going shopping and stuff.

The fun part is, she never finds time to reply to my text, but she always has a minute to post photos. And when she replies, she says that she's 'working'.

She also literally stopped saying things to me altogheter. Have you ever experienced your wife/husband going to work with an Audi A3 and then coming back home with a Porsche Macan GTS? Well, I did, and let me tell you. It's no fun.

I confronted her and asked if it was a company car, which it isn't, then I asked why she spent so much money on a car when she didn't care in the slightest about cars. Her passive-aggressive response was that it's her money and that she's entitled to do as she pleases.

Or have you experienced not seeing your wife/husband come back home for a night and not reply to your text, just to receive a call the following afternoon saying that she forgot to tell me that she left for a business trip? Well. I hope you haven't.

But the worst is when she invited me for lunch with her coworkers. I was very happy because that was the first time we were doing something together in months, and I thought that what I had experienced before what only a phase and that it was all ended.

My wife left first because she had work to do, so I dressed up nicely and left two hours after for the restaurant.

For context, I my 370z years before because I didn't need a sportscar anymore, so my daily driver is a very frugal Renault Clio. I like it, and since I don't need it that much, I don't have reason to upgrade to a pricer model or brand. Well, I get to the restaurant, park my car in front of it, get inside just to see my wife staring at me like horror stricken.

She gets up from the table and takes me outside of the restaurant, then proceeds to literally insult me for parking my Clio in front of the restaurant and in front of her table, saying that I embarrassed her and that I should've parked it somewhere hidden. I was completely at a loss for words.

I asked her why, and she said that it was a cheap, non luxury car, not representative of her lifestyle. She then goes back inside the restaurant, warning me not to embarass her like this again. I attended the rest of the lunch in shock. That day I realized that that girl I had at my side wasn't my wife. It wasn't the girl I married anymore.

My wife is now out of the house, celebrating a great year for the company, and I'm here at home writing this with the divorce papers in front of me. I don't think I can handle this situation anymore. I tried lots and lots of times to talk to her, to tell her how I feel, to tell her that she changed, that she's not the same woman I knew. But she just doesn't listen.

She always says that she has no time and that she needs to work, or she tries to minimize the situation saying that it's not true and that she never changed.

She wanted kids, now she doesn't want them anymore, saying that they would rob her time from her carreer. She wanted to travel, now she doesn't want to do it, for the same reason. Is she really the same woman I married?

But still, I can't bring myself to talk about divorce with her. Most likely because I hope that somewhere hidden inside of her there's still the woman I loved and still love. Even if this doesn't seems like the case.

Editor's Note:

OP uses the word 'fame' to describe what happened with his wife. Some people think she became an influencer. Either way, English isn't OP's first language (grammatical errors fixed), so by 'fame' he may mean success.

Here's what people had to say to OP after his first post:

pickledPineapple2132 writes:

Just wanna say I’m sorry man. I can only imagine how painful it is to watch someone you love slowly change into someone completely different.

She’s made it perfectly clear you aren’t a priority, you aren’t even someone she respects. Money blinds some folks.

You’re making the right choice. You deserve to be with someone who loves and cares for you, and who wants to build a life with you. This woman does none of those things anymore.

Squeezitgirdle writes:

My wife grew up poor and very frugal. After marrying me she got a good job where she makes decent (not amazing) money.

This isn't a problem like op is experiencing by any means, but she's not great with money now. She always pays her bills no problem, but until she became pregnant she'd spend all of her money on makeup, clothes and shoes. None of which she was previously able to afford.

Cathene70 writes:

Go through with the divorce and return to your town that you felt the love from the townspeople, and move on with your life. She clearly doesn't want you in her life.

But before you hand her the papers, hire a PI to find out if she's cheating or not. If she is, well, you can change the divorce papers to include compensation from her and the man she's cheating with to whatever price you want to get out of it and then live the life you are more relaxed in. I think those late nights and those sudden business trips are her cheating on you.

You deserve a woman who loves you and won't tell you not to park your old beat up car in front of the restaurant as you're embarrassing me.

I would have stated my husband loves his old car and I've tried to get him to sell it and get a new one, but he loves the old thing to my friends and state I have to look classy but at home, we're down to earth wearing jeans and tshirts. She will end up the loser in this as she will lose a good man who loves her but she's chasing him away.

PassengerTraining913 OP responded:

This is what I'm most afraid of, I really hope she isn't.. I'm still trying to process everything, but if worse comes to worst, going back to my hometown is probably the plan. Thank you for your comment.

Update from OP the next day:

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who reached out to me in the comments or in DMs. I really appreciated it and it helped me retaining my composure and mental clarity. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to you all but I tried to read everything and I really appreciate all of you.

Well, after that business party my wife didn't came back home. I tried contacting her since I was very worried but she didn't pick up the phone not even once. She came back home in the morning exactly when I was about to leave for her workplace to ask about her.

I asked her what happened, and she said she stayed at this female coworkers' house since she drank a lot and she was in no condition to drive (fair enough). I told her that she could've sent a text to warn me, and that I would've gone to get her.

Her response was 'With what? The Clio?'. I stood there in silence, and she later said that she forgot about warning me. I asked how she was feeling, only to be answered in monosyllabes.

We minded our own business for a while, then she comes to me and she says she has something to discuss. I tell her that I have something to discuss with her too.

And well, would you look at that? She asked for divorce. I wasn't expecting that at all. I asked her why, and her reply was that after talking to her friends she understood that I wasn't fit to be her husband, that we have different values and different lifestyles, and that she deserves a man of similiar worth to her.

She was just waiting for the right time to bring it up, and after the party she made up her mind.

I'm going to be completely honest, that was a low blow, but I just smiled at her. I tried talking to her, proposing we separate for a while to see how things go. I even proposed couples therapy as someone suggested. But she was dead set on it.

So I calmly told her everything I needed to say, from the fact that I was thinking about divorce too, to the fact that I felt like she changed, concluding by saying that I'm sure she will find an awesome man since I know her worth, having been her husband for more than 9 years, but also that I know my own worth too.

We decided to separate for the moment, and we will arrange the divorce later on, since she has no time now, but we have a verbal agreement on some things. I decided to go back to my hometown to relax and to decide what's next for me.

I should be able to regain my previous position in the hospital, but it's all to seen. Also, one of my friends there offered to host me until I found an housing. I'm really grateful to him.

Honestly, I now understand that my wife couldn't care less about me when the lengthiest discussion we had about divorce concerned who was taking the dog. For context, we got him a month after moving, since she always wanted one, and also to keep me some company. But in two years, she probably spent the equivalent of two hours with him. I always took care of him and well he's been a more than loyal companion in those two years.

So, she literrally made a fuss trying to keep me from taking the dog, for maybe half an hour or so. I told her that I didn't care at all, I was taking him with me since she doesn't have time to care for him, and it was very strange for her to say those things when she didn't care not even a bit about him for two years.

So I packed the necessary and before leaving. I asked her if she was cheating on me, and she denied it. I'lltrust her on that. I read a lot of people in the previous post talking about hiring a PI, but I'm not going to do that. I trust what she said, and even if it wasn't the truth, I honestly don't want to hear anything about it. It would only make me feel worse.

I feel calm, but inside I feel like I've lost an important piece of myself. The things she said didn't hurt me initially, however the more I think about them, the more heartbroken I feel. But I'm trying to focus on nicer thoughts, like meeting one of my old friends which I haven't seen in a long time.

I'm still trying to process everything, it all happened so fast. Though I must say that seeing my dog so happy inside the Clio brightened up my mood a lot. He loves car rides.

Even if things went down this road, I still wish her all the best. I could never forget what she did back then for me and in general in those 16 years spent together as a couple.

I may do another update in the future about how things go, but for now, goodbye - I will take some time to focus on myself and on the upcoming divorce. Again thanks to everyone. Take care.

Here's what people had to say to OP after the update:

Plus-Log-941 writes:

I’m really sorry my friend, I really wish you the absolute best in life, I know it’ll be very hard to try to get over this and honestly maybe you’ll never. However the important thing to remember is to live your life to the fullest and although that may be difficult now, moving on is the healthiest thing you can do and I really wish you the best of luck for your future.

Everyone here shows full support for you and if you need a friend or someone to talk to (although I’m sure you have a couple back home) you have us here as well.

PassengerTraining913 OP responded:

Trust me, that hit deep. Thank you very much, really. I could never have imagined all this support, and I'm really really grateful. Thanks, I wish you the best too.

nlios writes:

Dude seem like a really nice dude. Everyone deserves love and respect. I really hope he doesn't give her a 2nd chance and hopefully find someone better. 'After talking with her friends' gtfo of here!!

Diligent-Me writes:

She'll discover the hard way that she's not leading a physically or emotionally healthy existence, but you don't have to wait to witness her eventual demise. She has created and will stay in her bed.

Chelsea21483 writes:

You may not realise it now, but your walking away from this relationship in a much better situation than she is. You should be set for alimony (I’d say start the divorce proceedings as soon as possible from your end.

Mysterious-Ad3756 writes:

She will wake up one day and realize how shallow of a person she was. She will want you back. But, you will be happy with a supportive partner and she will be all alone. Her friends will turn on her because that’s what shitty people do. When people ask, I’d be 100% honest and tell them your wife said you didn’t make enough money and that she values material things over people.

I’m hurt for you. I’m angry for you. You deserve so much better and I know you will find it. Good luck and mourn your old wife, but realize she’s gone and probably not coming back for a long time.

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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