Here's the story:
I (37F) and my husband (32M) expect our first child in the next few months. It has taken us a long time to get here, as I struggled with infertility issues so while the pregnancy was wanted, it was a surprise when it actually occured.
My due date falls a week before my husband's best friends wedding, which is two hours away from where we live and I plan to give birth. My husband is the best man in the wedding and very excited for it (obviously).
When I mentioned to my husband he likely couldn't attend, he didn't seem to understand. I told him how it was still too far out to know, but there was a real possibility I would be waiting for labor to begin, in active labor or just getting home at this time.
I told him I didn't feel comfortable with him being that far away in any of those situations, but he seemed to take it as a joke. He has made comments about getting a "private jet" back if I go into labor that day or just sending his mom over to help me if I am a few days post partum.
I understand this is an important event to him, but with the unknown I am not comfortable confirming he can go at this point and I am looking for reassurance he understands that.
I understand I could likely go into labor early, giving a long enough window I would feel more comfortable with him leaving me for a period of time (8-ish hours, returning back and not staying over), but that's the only situation I see that is possible for him to attend. AITA?
NAH. But I don’t think you need to make a decision now. If you are in labour on the day of the wedding then obviously he shouldn’t go. But if you are more than a couple days PP, or still waiting for labour, then maybe let him go
ETA: I made a brief comment, but to be clear i definitely think OP’s husband would be an a**hole if he went in the aftermath of a complicated birth or against her wishes if she needed emotional support. The husband is veering closer to a**hole territory than OP
My husband went 3 hours away to work while I was almost due - the deal was he wasn’t to drink because if I went into labour he had to be able to drive home. Compromise 😊
My friends were in this exact same situation and her husband didn’t want to go to the wedding but she urged him to. If you start contractions he can come back, normally you don’t give birth within 2 hours of the start of contractions.
Why can’t he just confirm that he’s going and closer to the date if needed call it off? I’m sure his best friend would understand. And don’t you have anyone else to be with you to ease your mind while he’s gone? I don’t wanna say you’re the AH because it’s more of a NAH but you both need to try to think in solutions.
I would have my husband plan to attend the wedding but decline to be best man, so they do not have to find a "fill-in" at the last minute if necessary. Babies do not follow the schedule. My first was born 9 days late and I was hospitalized two days before giving birth. Next child popped out 9 days early. You never know. You also can't anticipate problems.
That second child who appeared so quickly had to go back to the hospital after a seizure and then spent 11 days in the hospital. By not being in the wedding party, your husband could attend the service but come home before the reception.
If you went into labour, he could see that someone else was with you so that he could rush home. With a first baby there will likely be sufficient time for him to make it back. As long as your husband does not have Best Man duties, he has a lot of flexibility.
Did he agree to be best man before you got pregnant? He maybe should have bowed out when you got your due date.
I’m amazed that there are people voting Y T A. I imagine there’s a lot of teenagers on this subreddit. Committing to be a best man in a wedding when your wife is within days of her due date is dumb at best, shows a total lack of empathy at worst. And for everyone saying that there will be time for him to get home if OP goes into labor, that’s likely true.
But then husband is forced to bail on the wedding at a moments notice leaving his friend without a best man. If husband had any sense he should tell his friend “ I would be honored to be your best man, but I can’t commit because of the potential timing of the birth of our child.
I would love to come to the wedding and celebrate nonetheless, knowing that there is a chance that I may have to bail on rather short notice.” NTA
NAH. It really really sucks that that's the situation, he really should be there for you but to miss a wedding is a major thing as well. I don't know if it'd be worth considering having a remote session for the speech and such but I know that a wedding is more than just a speech, it's a whole day and it's a massive commitment.
But at the same time he needs to be there for you during the end stages of your pregnancy. I assume you live in the US so you can't just go there with him and just go to one of the hospitals local over there if it all happens at that point
NAH. I understand why you’re anxious but it does seem like this can be sorted out with some advance planning. Two hours away isn’t a big deal and he can always cancel if you start your contractions or come back quickly if you do once he leaves.
I suggest you talk to him again and work out a plan where he can go as long as your labour hasn’t started and you guys keep in constant touch while he’s away. It’s also a good idea to keep a relative on standby who can stay with you while he’s away.
He should also explain the situation to his friends who will hopefully understand and be as accommodating as they can.