Pregnant woman refuses to make all of husband's meals, he says 'this is your job.'

Domestic labor is deeply undervalued, which means a lot of stay-at-home moms are treated like second-class citizens who aren't contributing to the world at large. It's a lose-lose where they're not recognized for the unpaid labor, but they are chastised when they're not pulling their weight when it comes to childcare and housekeeping.

Even in hetero couples where the woman works - and even outearns her husband, studies show women statistically carry the lion's share of household work. There are a lot of reasons for this, but one is the heavily reinforced narrative around "women's work."

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for refusing to make all her husband's meals while pregnant with their fourth child. She wrote:

"AITA for refusing to make all my husband's meals?"

I have three kids and am currently pregnant with my fourth. I left work to take care of our kids. My husband thinks that because I don’t work outside the house it’s my responsibility to take care of ALL duties related to the house and kids. You name it- cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, homework, school activities, drop-offs, etc.

On top of everything I do, he also expects me to make all of his meals- breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I am so tired recently from entertaining the kids all day during summer vacation and I’ve been having a hard time with my pregnancy. He told me “life’s tough this is your job” and has no sympathy for me. In fact, he thinks I have it easy because I “don’t work.”

The last two nights I’ve refused to make him dinner and he’s acting like I’m a useless ‘horrible’ wife. Why can’t he stop at the store after work and pick himself something up? Or look at what we have in the fridge and make something? When he’s hungry he’ll constantly say “I’m starving, I’m so hungry etc” being passive-aggressive to let me know he wants me to make him something.

I’m completely undervalued and unappreciated. Am I an AH for putting my foot down and refusing to wait on him hand and foot?

People did not hold back on OP's husband.

kayla-beep wrote:

NTA. I’m not even married to your husband and I want to divorce him. What a jerk.

sugarpopspete wrote:

NTA. Unless your husband is working 16 hours a day, he had better start stepping up. You're doing the work of babysitter, cook, cleaner, and personal shopper. How many jobs is he doing?

td1176 wrote:

NTA. Your husband sucks. I’m sorry you’re dealing with such an insufferable man who truly has no concept of how much [unpaid] work goes into all you take care of. I would go on strike lol. Stop making him anything to eat. Stop cleaning. Just make sure the kids are good but nothing else 😂

I saw one woman in a similar circumstance receive a suggestion to take detailed notes of the time and tasks she did each day so that he could see all that was accomplished while he was away from the house. Planning meals for the week, getting groceries, cooking dinner, doing dishes, each load of laundry, etc

So it was more quantifiable for him whereas if he doesn’t see it happening he is able to imagine you’re just “relaxing” since you “don’t work” 🤦🏻‍♀️ Maybe if you ask him to give you one weekend where he handles everything that he expects of you - full stop. Let him see how hard it is.

Nonetheless, this guy sorely needs a lesson in gratitude and showing appreciation to your spouse who does so much for you and your family. Think - if he had to hire a maid, a personal chef, a live-in nanny, a tutor, a chauffeur, a dry cleaner, an event coordinator, and personal assistant. That would be several hundred dollars a year worth of payroll to replace you.

I hope for your sake that someday he makes an effort to understand that, recognize your contributions, and actively show you gratitude (not entitlement) for your hard work. If not, sounds like a marriage that doesn’t deserve you.

Sad-Hedgehog-7327 wrote:

He is obviously the AH. Plan a vacation for yourself, even if it’s staying with an in-town friend for a week (YES A WEEK). Call it a needed pregnancy rest—this isn’t untrue, you are obviously stressed out. Surely his job provides vacation hours he can use while you’re resting to ensure the safe delivery of his unborn child. Allow him to experience the work of house and childkeeping full time.

If you come back and everything is in disarray? (It will be). Tell him what a failure of a father he is and how “life is tough” and he’s a “horrible” husband who can’t even look after his children and his home for one week while his wife is busy growing his child. Ask him how it feels to be spoken to and denigrated like that.

OP deserves far better, hopefully, she's able to find a way to get out of this marriage safely.