'I proposed and my GF said yes on the condition I get her a different ring.' + 2 YEAR UPDATE

"I proposed and my girlfriend said yes on the condition I get her a different ring first."

Here's the original post:

Before I [28f] proposed I spent lots of time looking online and in stores for the nicest ring I could afford and I ended up with a 1 carat asscher solitaire. My girlfriend [29f] doesn't like the ring and wants a different one. All of the ones she has shown me are bigger and more expensive than I can afford.

She said she'll accept my proposal if I give her a different ring and it can be a do-over because she said she was also a little disappointed I proposed at home and didn't do anything 'special'.

Truthfully I'm kind of hurt she cares so much about having a bigger and expensive ring. I want her to be happy and have a ring she likes but she is so fixated on how 'small' my original one was and I really don't feel great about it. Honestly my heart broke when she said no.

Edit: As I said in my post her complaint about the ring is that the diamond is too small. For the proposal I recreated the exact meal she cooked for me on our second date and proposed on our balcony with candles around us in her favourite scent. I hope this answers the questions.

Three weeks later, she shared this first update:

I told my girlfriend if she pefers a different style of ring than the one I got her, I could get her a different ring because I obviously want her to love a ring she would wear every day. I would either keep the original ring as my engagement ring because she made it clear she isn't getting me one herself, or I could return it and put the money towards her new ring.

The ring I had bought (a one carat asscher solitaire) was the biggest one I could afford. Her complaint was that it was "so small" and the other rings she showed me as examples of what she wanted were more expensive than I can afford. I admit it led to a few arguments because everything was above the amount I told her I can afford.

She suggested I get a temporary side job to save more money. I've said it would take me a couple of years to save for what she wants but she says if I love her I'll find a way. I'm not opposed to another ring, but we are on opposite sides regarding the budget.

The proposal (me recreating the meal she cooked for me not long after we started dating and having candles she likes on the balcony) was also not what she wanted. She wants a public proposal and I misunderstood when she said she wanted something special. She didn't say public and I didn't infer it. Now we are both aware of what she wants at least.

I just want to thank everybody for the support and nice thoughts. I haven't decided if I'm going to keep the original ring and wear it as my engagement ring yet, or return it because it will barely make a dent in the amount my girlfriend wants for her ring.

I don't even know how, or if, I am going to save for another ring. Truthfully this whole thing has put a damper on the idea of being engaged for the time being. Thanks again everyone.

This was two years ago. She recently posted this update on the situation, two years later:

Backstory is that when I (30F) decided to propose to my girlfriend I bought her the nicest ring I could afford. It was a 1 carat asscher cut solitaire. When I proposed I recreated the meal we had on our second date, and proposed on our balcony with some candles around us.

My girlfriend responded by saying she would only marry me if bought her a different ring. All the examples she showed me were much bigger and more expensive than I could afford. She had told me she'd accept my proposal if I give her a different ring and my proposal would be a do-over because she said she was also disappointed I proposed at home. She didn't like the proposal or the ring.

The update is that I was trying to communicate with her and find a solution because of how much I love her. She was the one I wanted to spend my life with. We did have some arguments and she suggested a get I second job to afford a better ring. She said I misunderstood when she said I wanted a special proposal because what I did wasn't special.

I had decided to keep the ring to be my ring because I was unable to return it and would have lost money if I sold it. I was trying to find a solution and my girlfriend was making suggestions. I thought we would work it out but about 6 months after my last post my girlfriend left me for a colleague.

She said the affair started after I proposed. Last I heard they were still together and either were travelling over in the United States. When my girlfriend left me she took most of our things. I had to start my life over pretty much. It was difficult. My family stopped talking to me when I started dating women. They don't support same sex relationships.

I did receive a lot of support in both of my posts but there was lots of negativity as well. The majority of the messages I got were negative too. Many people missed that I am a woman even though I said it in my posts. I recieved many comments and messages about how men don't understand how important the ring and the proposal are to women.

Even those who did not mistake me for a man said that my proposal was low effort and the ring was terrible. My proposal was called out for being terrible and most of the messages I got mirrored the comments I got about putting in more effort or being a better partner. There were some insults too and a lot of them said they felt sorry for my girlfriend.

I gave learned from this experience. I'm not in a relationship now but if I ever do find someone I'll make an effort to be a better partner. I did want to post one more update to thank the people who posted nice things, and to say I learned from this experience and have taken to heart all the comments and messages about being a better partner.